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The Mote In the Pony's Eye
Again, a personal post.
Where I wonder if all of this empassioned posting in support of pony endings is just a meaningless waste of my time.
It has been suggested, by a few of my nearest and dearest, that a person with my low level of energy and high levels of pain, a person who can't work, and spends most of the day in bed, has no business focusing my scant resources on something over which I have no control. Why do I bother? Why do I care? If I have some energy to burn why not do something else with it? Something over which I could have some control? Why, in fact, does it matter to me that Russell T. Davies got that bit wrong in his story back at JE?
I have explained why it matters to me from a storyteller's point of view. But as a sick person with limited energy, it is more of a mystery. Why open myself up to so much stress and upset over a television show? Over RTD getting the ending wrong? Yes, it will be wrong forever...and that irks me no end...but...it is HIS story. I didn't ruin it. So, why so invested, Miss Rabid? I do believe that RTD has a right to write whatever ending he wants and to stand back and expect us to be dazzled. Or, you know, just to stand back and be very proud of himself for all that he's accomplished. He's accomplished far more than me, far more than most of us.
How dare I pile my sense of entitlement onto him? If he likes his story, I suppose that should be good enough. If he was my neighbor, if I hadn't invested so much attention in his work, I would probably pat him on the back and say, "Oh, that's nice, dear, you've finally finished. I hope people like it."
So, I suppose, the question is: Why can't I just hope people like it...even if it disappoints me? The easy answer is that I'm living through RTD, somehow making HIS work into mine with my fanvids and fanfic and critical reviews. I want the work to be perfect simply because I've invested so much time and energy in it. Certainly, I am not alone. The net is full of fans and critics. But just how much does RTD owe those of us who pay such close attention to his work?
The easy answer...again...is that he owes us nothing. He is the artist. We are the fans. The only thing we can do is stop watching or reading his work. But I am not sure that is the correct answer, because I do believe he owes us a proper ending to the story. The sick and hopeless and the young and hopeful...followed this story for five years. We gave him our attention when he stood up and said, "I'm here to tell you a story." It wasn't like he stayed home and wrote stories and we came to his door asking for them. In that case, we would have no right to say, "Hang on...what's this crap?" But given he asked for and has had my attention for five years...yes...I do think I have the right to throw tomatoes at his head as easily as I have thrown flowers at his feet.
Is it right to hang your hopes on another person's talents? To devote time and physical resources to discussing (and in your corner of the world correcting) that person's mistakes. Probably not. If I was an artist in my own right...a published, successful one...perhaps I would view RTD as someone much like myself, someone struggling to reach perfection. I would say, "Well, he did the best he could and I think it's a good story." And fans everywhere would grit their teeth at me and write scathing letters about how much I've disappointed them by supporting such a pile of crap. I'd have a different perspective. RTD and I would be in the same boat. But currently, I am not a professional writer. I'm on the docks, the fan, the follower. Perhaps I have a better view of the rocky sholes from up here than he has down there steering his craft.
Perhaps that better view is why I nitpick and complain. We all do it. The sports bars are full of armchair quarterbacks, gossip magazines sell like hotcakes...movie critics pontificate and websites spring up suggesting Joss Whedon is a god on a daily basis. Fandom seems to be universal. And like Tiger Woods it generally disappoints. But, before it does...I suppose...it is fun.
That's why I wrote fanfiction, because it was fun. And, also, people like me responded to my work with pleasant validation. They came out of the woodwork to wave and give me a sense of belonging. But then, I can get that from figurine collecting, I've heard. So I suppose, the next question is what will I do if RTD does disappoint me? Cry, of course! And rant. But, what then? Heck, what do I do if he gets it EXACTLY right?
Do I open up my own internet shrine and dedicate my life to RTD's work? Do I find another icon who I can devote my spare time to admiring, someone who might get that much closer to the perfect story? I don't know. I think that if RTD gets this right...in some ways I would feel like I HAD...not so much vindication as...a colleague out there in the writing world. Someone who, should I ever meet him, might understand my zeal for a well turned out tale. It would ease the pressure on me somehow to know that I'm not the only one of my kind. I am a geek with soul, with emo sensibilities, a lover (not of love stories, but) of the romance of epics. Should I ever be able to write again, that's what I will write. In the geek world we romantic fools are a rare breed indeed.
But perhaps my loved ones have a point. I should gather my scant resources and do something real, something meaningful with them. I believe my well-meaning friends are suggesting that I should not be the fan but the artist. Currently, the point is moot, of course, as I doubt I could write much of anything with my limited concentration and serious fatigue.
But, the question still remains...once The End of Time airs...pony or no...what then? I will no longer have the pony to obsess over...so what should I do with these 15 minutes a day of lucidity?
:shrug:
Maybe I could take another stab at learning to speak Spanish.
Where I wonder if all of this empassioned posting in support of pony endings is just a meaningless waste of my time.
It has been suggested, by a few of my nearest and dearest, that a person with my low level of energy and high levels of pain, a person who can't work, and spends most of the day in bed, has no business focusing my scant resources on something over which I have no control. Why do I bother? Why do I care? If I have some energy to burn why not do something else with it? Something over which I could have some control? Why, in fact, does it matter to me that Russell T. Davies got that bit wrong in his story back at JE?
I have explained why it matters to me from a storyteller's point of view. But as a sick person with limited energy, it is more of a mystery. Why open myself up to so much stress and upset over a television show? Over RTD getting the ending wrong? Yes, it will be wrong forever...and that irks me no end...but...it is HIS story. I didn't ruin it. So, why so invested, Miss Rabid? I do believe that RTD has a right to write whatever ending he wants and to stand back and expect us to be dazzled. Or, you know, just to stand back and be very proud of himself for all that he's accomplished. He's accomplished far more than me, far more than most of us.
How dare I pile my sense of entitlement onto him? If he likes his story, I suppose that should be good enough. If he was my neighbor, if I hadn't invested so much attention in his work, I would probably pat him on the back and say, "Oh, that's nice, dear, you've finally finished. I hope people like it."
So, I suppose, the question is: Why can't I just hope people like it...even if it disappoints me? The easy answer is that I'm living through RTD, somehow making HIS work into mine with my fanvids and fanfic and critical reviews. I want the work to be perfect simply because I've invested so much time and energy in it. Certainly, I am not alone. The net is full of fans and critics. But just how much does RTD owe those of us who pay such close attention to his work?
The easy answer...again...is that he owes us nothing. He is the artist. We are the fans. The only thing we can do is stop watching or reading his work. But I am not sure that is the correct answer, because I do believe he owes us a proper ending to the story. The sick and hopeless and the young and hopeful...followed this story for five years. We gave him our attention when he stood up and said, "I'm here to tell you a story." It wasn't like he stayed home and wrote stories and we came to his door asking for them. In that case, we would have no right to say, "Hang on...what's this crap?" But given he asked for and has had my attention for five years...yes...I do think I have the right to throw tomatoes at his head as easily as I have thrown flowers at his feet.
Is it right to hang your hopes on another person's talents? To devote time and physical resources to discussing (and in your corner of the world correcting) that person's mistakes. Probably not. If I was an artist in my own right...a published, successful one...perhaps I would view RTD as someone much like myself, someone struggling to reach perfection. I would say, "Well, he did the best he could and I think it's a good story." And fans everywhere would grit their teeth at me and write scathing letters about how much I've disappointed them by supporting such a pile of crap. I'd have a different perspective. RTD and I would be in the same boat. But currently, I am not a professional writer. I'm on the docks, the fan, the follower. Perhaps I have a better view of the rocky sholes from up here than he has down there steering his craft.
Perhaps that better view is why I nitpick and complain. We all do it. The sports bars are full of armchair quarterbacks, gossip magazines sell like hotcakes...movie critics pontificate and websites spring up suggesting Joss Whedon is a god on a daily basis. Fandom seems to be universal. And like Tiger Woods it generally disappoints. But, before it does...I suppose...it is fun.
That's why I wrote fanfiction, because it was fun. And, also, people like me responded to my work with pleasant validation. They came out of the woodwork to wave and give me a sense of belonging. But then, I can get that from figurine collecting, I've heard. So I suppose, the next question is what will I do if RTD does disappoint me? Cry, of course! And rant. But, what then? Heck, what do I do if he gets it EXACTLY right?
Do I open up my own internet shrine and dedicate my life to RTD's work? Do I find another icon who I can devote my spare time to admiring, someone who might get that much closer to the perfect story? I don't know. I think that if RTD gets this right...in some ways I would feel like I HAD...not so much vindication as...a colleague out there in the writing world. Someone who, should I ever meet him, might understand my zeal for a well turned out tale. It would ease the pressure on me somehow to know that I'm not the only one of my kind. I am a geek with soul, with emo sensibilities, a lover (not of love stories, but) of the romance of epics. Should I ever be able to write again, that's what I will write. In the geek world we romantic fools are a rare breed indeed.
But perhaps my loved ones have a point. I should gather my scant resources and do something real, something meaningful with them. I believe my well-meaning friends are suggesting that I should not be the fan but the artist. Currently, the point is moot, of course, as I doubt I could write much of anything with my limited concentration and serious fatigue.
But, the question still remains...once The End of Time airs...pony or no...what then? I will no longer have the pony to obsess over...so what should I do with these 15 minutes a day of lucidity?
:shrug:
Maybe I could take another stab at learning to speak Spanish.
no subject
I'm on the fence as to where this all leads next. Will I be so heartbroken that I switch off the television when my favorite show airs again with a new face and adventures galore? Probably not.
Although, I truly feel as though my ship has sailed. I will probably focus more on the adventure that I hope is in store for us now that the show has switched creative hands and lead actor.
Yes, it was a lovely, wonderful love affair but all good things eventually end. In this case, not so much dust and rocks as more rose petals and ties...
no subject
I suppose, no matter how sane I try to be...part of my just is offended that a story ends badly...I want to hurl books that end badly across the room. And I want to rant when a show that could have ended well...just fizzles out into meaningless nonsense.
As you say, all things end...but they don't all have to end in disappointment...is sort of what I've been saying all this fortnight. A few strewn rose petals and carelessly discarded green checkered ties wouldn't go amiss at this particular juncture, in my book.
Rae
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The people who give us our fantasies, our hopes and our heroes have incredible power over us. They have a sacred duty not to leave people broken and without hope, particularly if they've claimed to be doing the opposite. I feel that particularly strongly because this is a family show. Children watch it and it shapes them - nobody who works on the show could really deny that.
I was angry about the ending of CoE in many ways but I did feel that because that show was clear about its audience and its intentions, that it wouldn't be suitable for vulnerable and sensitive people, he had the right to go there with it. I didn't feel any sense of entitlement about Ianto dying or anything else - just the usual frustration that some of the plot could have been done better. But DW is different. Maybe I feel that even more because it's that rare thing, a hugely influential showpiece for British culture and attitudes, a celebration of the best sort of amateurishness that I love in our national character. If it goes down the line of despair and nihilism, I will be very disappointed that the BBC has sold America that version of our country. I want us to offer something distinctive to the world.
I will also feel I've been betrayed by Tennant. I trust him not to commit to something that betrays his deepest convictions - he seems like a man of integrity to me. Maybe I invest too much in him there. It's hard to explain. But I'd feel he'd willingly participated in something that cheapened his talent and his craft, because I believe the outcome has been known for a long time.
I also feel that RTD's openness in "The Writer's Tale" looks very cynical and exploitative if he doesn't mean to do something about the issues he so clearly had with JE.
Like you, I'm wobbling. I haven't slept well all week. After JE I was useless, overcome with grief, for several days - and I resent it that people have the power to do that to me. I wish they hadn't. But as for putting my energy elsewhere, well, if this is what your heart is calling you to, wouldn't that be settling and making do? And after all we've said, wouldn't doing that make us as big a hypocrite as the people we criticise?
So, to quote my other great hero, Shakespeare,
"this is the night, that either makes me, or undoes me quite."
Anyway, there is a huge party going on downstairs. The house is full of my kids' friends, and that includes my son who was in a state very like yours a few months ago, and is now back on track. There is hope. Do not despair, and keep in touch.
no subject
Rae, you and I have had many conversations about health (and the lack thereof), and ponies, and socks, and all that other stuff. We've both had our share of pain from disabling conditions (though I'm fairly certain yours is much more life altering - I'm blessed in that I can work and doubly blessed to have a job that I love.)
You ask why even bother with all this "tv show" blather and what does RTD owe us? I agree with Cat. I made my own post on why I (and many of us) need "the Pony", but to speak to the effect that a mere TV show can have on someone I would like to cite the first show I ever watched - Star Trek. It's no coincidence that that "silly TV show" shaped my life (my parents of course had much more to do with that, but hey, ST was the only show they late me stay up late to watch!) I work in the field of computer engineering (and have done some work with space programs) and that's directly attributable to the inspiration that Star Trek and Star Wars - ok SciFi in general - gave me very early on.
So yes, these writers have a responsibility - if they truly care about their craft and I am hoping that RTD does care in that way. How many minds and imaginations are being shaped now? Many, I think. A little "happy ending" can't hurt - I think it adds to the uplifting and inspirational nature of it all.
So I say, good on you Rae, you've set the record straight and regardless of how the show ends, we know what's important. Thank you for all of your brilliant theorizing - it's been delightful to follow. What's next? Hey, there is no end to the stories we can think up, eh?
As one of my long time mates Jen (
Wishing you and yours a wonderful New Year!
Andrea
OH, Cat! You've made me cry!
I think he does owe people something. I feel there's a contract, silent but powerful, between the creator and the consumer. It's manipulated cynically and broken constantly, but he has promised something deeper and more meaningful and more uplifting - he's done well out of those promises and I think the only honourable thing to do is to deliver.
The people who give us our fantasies, our hopes and our heroes have incredible power over us. They have a sacred duty not to leave people broken and without hope, particularly if they've claimed to be doing the opposite. I feel that particularly strongly because this is a family show. Children watch it and it shapes them - nobody who works on the show could really deny that.
And, if nothing else, I cannot say that I have not found a like-minded soul in the world...since our spheres have intersected due to the fandom. But, like you, I shall weep for days if it turns out that RTD and DT have been less than true to the ideals they seem to hold up as a standard for themselves. Because, as you say, they've known about this for a very long time. Surely they would not be giddy after the Torchwood reaction...if they were simply planning to disappoint all of those wide-eyed little children. And...erhum...you and I.
There is hope, of course. Let's put our faith in that hope.
PONY!
:snicker:
Rae
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Today I've had my music on random during the whole evening and first Doomsday came up, and then the Donna theme from Partners in Crime. Afterward we had Season 3 Martha making everyone believe in the Doctor, everyone towing the Earth back and currently as the very first song of 2010 (if I had not stopped it to watch the new year arrive on TV) "A Dazzling End".
I believe in your pony, I believe in it. And even if it does not happen, I'll be happy for those weeks I spent believing in it. Happy New Year!
no subject
Sadly, I don't have anything inspiring to say or even anything as good as the people above me. But don't feel weird or off for being in fandom. If it makes you feel better, I've been wondering if I should put off watching the finale. Not because I'm antsy - at this point, I just want to KNOW. But because I'm supposed to go game tomorrow night, and I know that after watching the special, no matter what happens, I will be no more good for anything that day. Much less pretending to be a police officer from an over-developed planet in a depressing science fiction setting.
It affects us all a little more than it "should." ;)
no subject
It feels very like the end of a relationship: past the infatuation, after the comfortable familiarity turns into the routine, to the point where little annoyances start to become bigger Issues and the coziness devolves into stifling dullness. Yet by force of habit, of attachment, of inertia, we remain long after we should ... Until we break with ...it... or ...it... breaks with us. And then we are adrift...and free. Free to find another ...fandom... to love.
¿Sí?
I may not connect with Eleven (or then again, you never know, I might) -- but you can be certain that when the time comes, I'll be sure to check in on Twelve, just in case!
I am grateful to you for putting so much of your passion into RTD's Ten's story and so much of your love online for us to share in. In fact, so much of yourself, overall. I hope that you have been able to feel the energy that you've expended on the internet multiplied and returned to you upon the ether by those of us from around the world who visit with you daily.
Happy New Year, Rae. Regardless of what happens in Ten/Rose/Donna/RTD's story tomorrow/today, I wish for you a year that is your happy story.
:Hugs: