The Mote In the Pony's Eye
Dec. 31st, 2009 01:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rabid1stAgain, a personal post.
Where I wonder if all of this empassioned posting in support of pony endings is just a meaningless waste of my time.
It has been suggested, by a few of my nearest and dearest, that a person with my low level of energy and high levels of pain, a person who can't work, and spends most of the day in bed, has no business focusing my scant resources on something over which I have no control. Why do I bother? Why do I care? If I have some energy to burn why not do something else with it? Something over which I could have some control? Why, in fact, does it matter to me that Russell T. Davies got that bit wrong in his story back at JE?
I have explained why it matters to me from a storyteller's point of view. But as a sick person with limited energy, it is more of a mystery. Why open myself up to so much stress and upset over a television show? Over RTD getting the ending wrong? Yes, it will be wrong forever...and that irks me no end...but...it is HIS story. I didn't ruin it. So, why so invested, Miss Rabid? I do believe that RTD has a right to write whatever ending he wants and to stand back and expect us to be dazzled. Or, you know, just to stand back and be very proud of himself for all that he's accomplished. He's accomplished far more than me, far more than most of us.
How dare I pile my sense of entitlement onto him? If he likes his story, I suppose that should be good enough. If he was my neighbor, if I hadn't invested so much attention in his work, I would probably pat him on the back and say, "Oh, that's nice, dear, you've finally finished. I hope people like it."
So, I suppose, the question is: Why can't I just hope people like it...even if it disappoints me? The easy answer is that I'm living through RTD, somehow making HIS work into mine with my fanvids and fanfic and critical reviews. I want the work to be perfect simply because I've invested so much time and energy in it. Certainly, I am not alone. The net is full of fans and critics. But just how much does RTD owe those of us who pay such close attention to his work?
The easy answer...again...is that he owes us nothing. He is the artist. We are the fans. The only thing we can do is stop watching or reading his work. But I am not sure that is the correct answer, because I do believe he owes us a proper ending to the story. The sick and hopeless and the young and hopeful...followed this story for five years. We gave him our attention when he stood up and said, "I'm here to tell you a story." It wasn't like he stayed home and wrote stories and we came to his door asking for them. In that case, we would have no right to say, "Hang on...what's this crap?" But given he asked for and has had my attention for five years...yes...I do think I have the right to throw tomatoes at his head as easily as I have thrown flowers at his feet.
Is it right to hang your hopes on another person's talents? To devote time and physical resources to discussing (and in your corner of the world correcting) that person's mistakes. Probably not. If I was an artist in my own right...a published, successful one...perhaps I would view RTD as someone much like myself, someone struggling to reach perfection. I would say, "Well, he did the best he could and I think it's a good story." And fans everywhere would grit their teeth at me and write scathing letters about how much I've disappointed them by supporting such a pile of crap. I'd have a different perspective. RTD and I would be in the same boat. But currently, I am not a professional writer. I'm on the docks, the fan, the follower. Perhaps I have a better view of the rocky sholes from up here than he has down there steering his craft.
Perhaps that better view is why I nitpick and complain. We all do it. The sports bars are full of armchair quarterbacks, gossip magazines sell like hotcakes...movie critics pontificate and websites spring up suggesting Joss Whedon is a god on a daily basis. Fandom seems to be universal. And like Tiger Woods it generally disappoints. But, before it does...I suppose...it is fun.
That's why I wrote fanfiction, because it was fun. And, also, people like me responded to my work with pleasant validation. They came out of the woodwork to wave and give me a sense of belonging. But then, I can get that from figurine collecting, I've heard. So I suppose, the next question is what will I do if RTD does disappoint me? Cry, of course! And rant. But, what then? Heck, what do I do if he gets it EXACTLY right?
Do I open up my own internet shrine and dedicate my life to RTD's work? Do I find another icon who I can devote my spare time to admiring, someone who might get that much closer to the perfect story? I don't know. I think that if RTD gets this right...in some ways I would feel like I HAD...not so much vindication as...a colleague out there in the writing world. Someone who, should I ever meet him, might understand my zeal for a well turned out tale. It would ease the pressure on me somehow to know that I'm not the only one of my kind. I am a geek with soul, with emo sensibilities, a lover (not of love stories, but) of the romance of epics. Should I ever be able to write again, that's what I will write. In the geek world we romantic fools are a rare breed indeed.
But perhaps my loved ones have a point. I should gather my scant resources and do something real, something meaningful with them. I believe my well-meaning friends are suggesting that I should not be the fan but the artist. Currently, the point is moot, of course, as I doubt I could write much of anything with my limited concentration and serious fatigue.
But, the question still remains...once The End of Time airs...pony or no...what then? I will no longer have the pony to obsess over...so what should I do with these 15 minutes a day of lucidity?
:shrug:
Maybe I could take another stab at learning to speak Spanish.
Where I wonder if all of this empassioned posting in support of pony endings is just a meaningless waste of my time.
It has been suggested, by a few of my nearest and dearest, that a person with my low level of energy and high levels of pain, a person who can't work, and spends most of the day in bed, has no business focusing my scant resources on something over which I have no control. Why do I bother? Why do I care? If I have some energy to burn why not do something else with it? Something over which I could have some control? Why, in fact, does it matter to me that Russell T. Davies got that bit wrong in his story back at JE?
I have explained why it matters to me from a storyteller's point of view. But as a sick person with limited energy, it is more of a mystery. Why open myself up to so much stress and upset over a television show? Over RTD getting the ending wrong? Yes, it will be wrong forever...and that irks me no end...but...it is HIS story. I didn't ruin it. So, why so invested, Miss Rabid? I do believe that RTD has a right to write whatever ending he wants and to stand back and expect us to be dazzled. Or, you know, just to stand back and be very proud of himself for all that he's accomplished. He's accomplished far more than me, far more than most of us.
How dare I pile my sense of entitlement onto him? If he likes his story, I suppose that should be good enough. If he was my neighbor, if I hadn't invested so much attention in his work, I would probably pat him on the back and say, "Oh, that's nice, dear, you've finally finished. I hope people like it."
So, I suppose, the question is: Why can't I just hope people like it...even if it disappoints me? The easy answer is that I'm living through RTD, somehow making HIS work into mine with my fanvids and fanfic and critical reviews. I want the work to be perfect simply because I've invested so much time and energy in it. Certainly, I am not alone. The net is full of fans and critics. But just how much does RTD owe those of us who pay such close attention to his work?
The easy answer...again...is that he owes us nothing. He is the artist. We are the fans. The only thing we can do is stop watching or reading his work. But I am not sure that is the correct answer, because I do believe he owes us a proper ending to the story. The sick and hopeless and the young and hopeful...followed this story for five years. We gave him our attention when he stood up and said, "I'm here to tell you a story." It wasn't like he stayed home and wrote stories and we came to his door asking for them. In that case, we would have no right to say, "Hang on...what's this crap?" But given he asked for and has had my attention for five years...yes...I do think I have the right to throw tomatoes at his head as easily as I have thrown flowers at his feet.
Is it right to hang your hopes on another person's talents? To devote time and physical resources to discussing (and in your corner of the world correcting) that person's mistakes. Probably not. If I was an artist in my own right...a published, successful one...perhaps I would view RTD as someone much like myself, someone struggling to reach perfection. I would say, "Well, he did the best he could and I think it's a good story." And fans everywhere would grit their teeth at me and write scathing letters about how much I've disappointed them by supporting such a pile of crap. I'd have a different perspective. RTD and I would be in the same boat. But currently, I am not a professional writer. I'm on the docks, the fan, the follower. Perhaps I have a better view of the rocky sholes from up here than he has down there steering his craft.
Perhaps that better view is why I nitpick and complain. We all do it. The sports bars are full of armchair quarterbacks, gossip magazines sell like hotcakes...movie critics pontificate and websites spring up suggesting Joss Whedon is a god on a daily basis. Fandom seems to be universal. And like Tiger Woods it generally disappoints. But, before it does...I suppose...it is fun.
That's why I wrote fanfiction, because it was fun. And, also, people like me responded to my work with pleasant validation. They came out of the woodwork to wave and give me a sense of belonging. But then, I can get that from figurine collecting, I've heard. So I suppose, the next question is what will I do if RTD does disappoint me? Cry, of course! And rant. But, what then? Heck, what do I do if he gets it EXACTLY right?
Do I open up my own internet shrine and dedicate my life to RTD's work? Do I find another icon who I can devote my spare time to admiring, someone who might get that much closer to the perfect story? I don't know. I think that if RTD gets this right...in some ways I would feel like I HAD...not so much vindication as...a colleague out there in the writing world. Someone who, should I ever meet him, might understand my zeal for a well turned out tale. It would ease the pressure on me somehow to know that I'm not the only one of my kind. I am a geek with soul, with emo sensibilities, a lover (not of love stories, but) of the romance of epics. Should I ever be able to write again, that's what I will write. In the geek world we romantic fools are a rare breed indeed.
But perhaps my loved ones have a point. I should gather my scant resources and do something real, something meaningful with them. I believe my well-meaning friends are suggesting that I should not be the fan but the artist. Currently, the point is moot, of course, as I doubt I could write much of anything with my limited concentration and serious fatigue.
But, the question still remains...once The End of Time airs...pony or no...what then? I will no longer have the pony to obsess over...so what should I do with these 15 minutes a day of lucidity?
:shrug:
Maybe I could take another stab at learning to speak Spanish.
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Date: 2010-01-09 01:21 am (UTC)