![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rabid1stDISHEVELED
By Rabid1st
Ten/Rose
Rating: Teen+
Beta Babes: Kammi & Jei & Aibhinn & Keswindhover
Spoilers: The Satan Pit - S2
Summary: The Doctor and Rose face separate trials and find they want nothing more than a life with each other.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. If I did…the show would be censored by…everyone but you smutty few. I humbly thank Russell T. Davies for creating the sweetest, most-loving, most-genuinely iconic couple in the history of the world for me to play with.
LINKS for all previous parts…can be found HERE
I’ve seen fake gods and bad gods and demigods and would-be gods and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing…just one…I believe in her!
PART FOURTEEN
The Doctor took a few wrong turns before stumbling upon a rack of spacesuits. They weren't where he expected them to be. Puzzled by their location, he eyed them warily for a moment. Perhaps they were the same ones he and Rose had run by earlier, perhaps another identical set. Tapping his chin with one finger, he stood contemplating the suits with ill-concealed suspicion while he mentally retraced his route. He glanced over his shoulder, and then back to the suits. Different set, he felt. Still, serviceable. The only obstacle between him and protective gear was a Plexiglas shield.
His brief search for a way around this obstacle revealed a thumbprint identi-lock set in the wall. After pouting over his failure to create a personal identity code, he considered forcing the lock. Even started to ease the sonic screwdriver from an inside pocket but hesitated with it halfway out. Rose seemed to be with him, placing her hand over his, urging him to reconsider. They were going to be living with these people, the ghostly gesture reminded him. Better try asking first before initiating random acts of vandalism. Pressing his lips together and bobbing his head, he tucked the screwdriver away. A quick retrace of his steps brought him to a door and intercom.
He toggled the switch a few times. “Hello?” he said into the speaker, toggling some more. “Hello? Zack, please. Captain Cross-Blaine? Are you there, Zack? Or Ida Scott, I suppose. Anyone?”
“Doctor?” Zack’s voice crackled back at him. “Is that you?”
“Zack,” the Doctor crowed, cheerfully. “Good to hear from you and…yes…it is me…”
“State the nature of your emergency.”
“Ah…not an emergency…not exactly. Not yet…I…
“Then, stay off the ‘coms. We’re very busy just now and….”
“Spacesuit,” the Doctor interrupted. “Sorry. Need a spacesuit. And they’re locked.”
“A spacesuit? Where are you? I can’t have you going outside. Or…is there danger of another breech?”
The Doctor grimaced as he corrected himself. “Oh, no…rather…I should say want. I want a spacesuit. I’m in Corridor,” he held onto the word as he leaned back and craned to see the sign, “Sixteen. Corridor sixteen? And I would like to borrow a spacesuit…” as an afterthought he added, “and go down to point zero.”
“That’s out of the question. Only authorized personnel are allowed to…”
“I’m sorry, Captain, you seem to be breaking up. Could you repeat that?” the Doctor asked, smirking as he turned away from the intercom.
So much for reason, he thought as he aimed his screwdriver at the lock. Rose couldn’t say he hadn’t tried. Not that she would say anything of the kind. Rose didn’t nag or scold. Granted, she might disapprove. Frown a bit. Shake her head and roll her eyes at him. He didn't mind. He knew she steered his course, but gently. Like a fixed star point, she beckoned him toward a kinder shore. And he was usually content to let her guide him away from sharp-edged impulses. He seldom felt coerced. He liked pleasing her. So much so that the few times he’d set his will against hers she’d overcome him easily. Mickey, who shared his affliction, had called him on his weakness for Rose, intimating he would run after her. Come back for her. Dog her footsteps until she warmed to him again.
It was true. He would. But she’d proved as constant in her affections. It never took long for one of them to break through any barrier the other erected. They forgave each other’s trespasses, he and Rose. Tell me you’re sorry, he’d said once, after she’d nearly unraveled her world. And she’d offered up the sorrow from her heart. She could turn aside the rising flood of his anger with a smile or a sigh. Her compassion flowed from an apparently ceaseless spring. He wouldn't deny she felt free to tell him off, vent her own displeasure. But mostly she seemed as delighted with him as he was with her. If she was jealous, he suffered it. If he grew tetchy, she soothed.
Though he still shuddered at the thought of a house, even in such daunting confines he was sure he and Rose would get along swimmingly. He tried to envision it, the domestic life. Would it be the cliché, a rose-covered cottage and a nine-to-five job? Or a sleek penthouse apartment and a bit of excitement? Or a boat? He rather fancied the idea of life at sea. Of course, space travel was always an option. Surely there were still unexplored worlds. They could find one or six. Fight dragons or pirates. Become pirates. Build a log cabin. Or sleep under the stars.
‘Otter Settles Down,’ the Doctor thought, trying on the concept as he tried on his pilfered spacesuit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hamster Gets Lost,” Rose muttered as she took another turn into a dead-end. She spent a few moments imagining the book cover for a new story in the Hamster & Otter series: A spacesuited Otter stood alone with a paw shielding his eyes as he searched the horizon for some sign of his friend.
She needed the mental break. It felt like she’d been scrambling down tunnels for hours. The earthquake and subsequent breech had closed bulkheads and cut off normal access routes. Rose clambered over fallen debris as she retraced her steps for the fourth time. The identical corridors reminded her of the hamster habitat she’d owned as a child. The gift, a typically tactless one from her crazy Uncle Eddie, had led to Mickey teasing her mercilessly. Hamster ownership had been more of a burden than a treat for round-cheeked, buck-toothed Rose, but now, pausing to catch her breath, she felt a pang of sympathy for her long dead pets.
Trapped in their plastic tubing, the little fur balls had been forced to rely on hamster cunning to navigate their way to food dish and water bottle. At least she had a ‘you are here’ map at every habitation chamber. Not that the maps were helping her find her way around the damaged base. Determined not to call for help, she crossed her own track several more times before she located a clear route to Corridor 43. Adding to her confusion, the video game style of the computerized map’s touch screen required a bit of time to master. At first, the view swooped, panned and zoomed erratically whenever she put a hand on the controls. But she managed to figure out the steering in the end. Once she had a clear picture of her surroundings, a brief reconnoiter set her course and she made her way to the medical lab in a matter of minutes.
The lab, when she found it, was dimly lit and in chaos. Pale emergency lights flickered. Equipment crowded the center space. Machines on wheels seemed to have rolled randomly to their current positions. A beam had fallen across the room, crushing several pieces of medical equipment and one of the two curtain-shrouded beds. Rose hesitated in the hatchway, her claustrophobia triggered by the medicinal smells and close quarters. She might have turned away but muffled sobbing drew her in, directed her steps toward the undamaged bed. When she eased the green privacy curtain aside, she found Eris on the floor, huddled in a corner, weeping.
Coming, as it did, on the heels of her lab’s destruction, the news of Scooti’s death had been the last straw for Eris. She’d sunk to the ground in grief and stayed down. Her arms were wrapped around her knees. Her face was buried in the crook of one elbow. The others, busy with the drilling shaft, had ignored their minor bumps and bruises. Nobody had gone to medical. They’d forgotten their medic. Glancing around, Rose felt a wash of empathy for the woman. She shouldn’t have to face her loss alone.
“Eris?” Rose crouched next to her, putting out a tentative hand to lightly caress her hair. “It’s Rose. Rose Tyler. Are you okay?”
Eris gave a strangled little sob and curled into a tighter ball. Sighing, Rose let her knees buckle as she pressed a shoulder against the wall, sliding down it to sit. She sorted out her legs so she and Eris were side by side.
Then, she gathered the weeping woman into a hug, murmuring, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Eris turned into Rose’s shoulder, gripped her fiercely, holding on. Time ticked by. Neither of them spoke. Every so often, Rose crooned a meaningless but soothing series of notes. Eris gasped and burbled. Eventually, motivated by her stuffy, streaming sinuses, she lifted her head and, shifting her weight to one hip, fished a wadded hankie from her lab smock pocket. Rose tactfully inched a short distance away as Eris wiped her face and blew her nose. Elbows braced on her bended knees, hands clutching and scrunching the hankie, Eris took a few unsteady breaths. Her red-rimmed, swollen eyes stared straight ahead, refusing to focus on anything closer than the far wall.
“I can come back later,” Rose offered.
Eris didn’t appear to hear her. “She was so young,” she said.
“And beautiful,” Rose said, sliding her palm across Eris’ hunched shoulders. “You must have been happy together.”
Eris huffed, and then sniffed. She mopped under her nose again with the hankie. Her gaze crawled restlessly along the floor as she shook her head. “No. I wasn’t. I thought I wanted more. I never told her I loved her. I wanted to. Started to a dozen times. But I just couldn’t say it…those awful words.” She sighed, chin falling to her chest.
“Sometimes it’s hard to say. Sometimes the feeling is too…big.”
“I worried about silly things…being older. Contracts. Assignments. I was afraid she’d want to change me. We were always looking for something new…” She paused for so long Rose felt certain she’d finished speaking, but then she said, “I should have...said.”
“She knew. I’m sure she knew,” Rose told her. “Love’s…funny.” She chuckled softly, sympathetically. “That’s the word, yeah? Funny?”
Eris wearily lolled her head against the wall, cutting her glance to look at Rose. “Do you love him?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you told him?”
Rose shifted uneasily. She hadn’t. She couldn’t even think about it without a lump closing her throat, without facing the inevitable horror of one day losing him. But he knew. He had to know. “He knows. We have a sort of…understanding.”
“So did we,” Eris sighed.
Nodding, Rose glanced away. She couldn’t help thinking about the Doctor going down to Point Zero alone. Should she tell him before he went? Would he think she was fussing? She studied a nearby machine, watched it churn out a long strip of printed data.
“I can come back,” she repeated, softly – almost to herself. “When you’re feeling better.”
“No,” Eris breathed. “I’ll help you. Run your tests. I just need a minute.” Her gaze darted from the damaged bed to a messy counter, and then swept over several of the misaligned machines. Tears glistened in her lashes as she assessed the room. “Everything is falling apart. We shouldn’t be here…we shouldn’t have come to this hellhole.”
“Maybe you should take a break,” Rose suggested. “We could go for a coffee.”
“I…don’t…” Eris began, each word costing her a breath. Breaking off, she surged to her feet. She stood swaying for a moment and then looked down into Rose’s face, studying her through narrowed eyes. “Do you still want that exam?”
Scrambling up, Rose shook her head, denying it. “We can do it later. Don’t go to any trouble.”
Eris barked out a bitter little laugh. “You are the least of my troubles,” she said, brusquely. Gesturing toward the chaos in the center of the room, she added, “I’ve got a ton of metal in the middle of my lab. Half of the equipment needs recalibrating. My lover was just killed. And we’re short a bed.” Stepping around Rose, she went to the counter and began yanking open drawers, gathering instruments. She fastened each probe and meter into the snap-secured straps of a blue utility belt. The belt’s soft cloth folded easily into a portable package. Eris added a few tissues and some colorful plastic tubing to her smock pockets. “But you…you’re easy,” she said, scooping up the folded belt, “And right. I need to get out of here. They put you in the room across the hall?”
Frowning, Rose glanced toward the hatch. “The Captain’s Quarters? I haven’t been there yet. But I suppose I can get in.” She didn’t sound confident, but then Eris didn’t need much encouragement to leave the lab.
“Let’s find out,” she said, taking Rose by the elbow and steering her through the obstacle course of medical equipment.
The tiny claustrophobic lab was as crowded as a Victorian parlor. Rose breathed a sigh of relief when they stepped into the corridor. The walls were much closer but she could see for some distance. Focusing down the hall, she ignored her perception of the corridor collapsing in on her. She wouldn’t be able to avoid tight spaces if she was going to be living on a sanctuary base. She’d need to get over her fear. Maybe the Doctor could help her with hypnosis or something. Or maybe she could tough it out. Taking herself in hand, she moved ahead of Eris, crossing to the door of her new quarters. Locating the identi-lock, Rose pressed her thumb down on its glossy surface until there was a soft click from the door. With practiced ease, Eris turned the wheel on the hatch and the door hissed as it opened inward.
Ducking their heads, they entered another small room. The overhead lights came on automatically and the computer spoke in greeting. “Welcome, Rose Tyler,” its machine-voice declared. “Can I interest you in tonight’s musical selection or perhaps a holo-vid?”
Feeling a bit silly, hands shoved in her jeans pockets, Rose addressed thin air. “Uh…nothing…thanks,” she said, in a carrying voice. She darted a glance toward Eris.
The medic, however, saw nothing odd about her behavior. She told the computer to give them, “Lights, up by half. And classical piano, low.”
Rachmaninoff started playing softly, reminding Rose of her dentist’s office back on Earth. The recessed lighting glowed brighter, casting deeper shadows under the bunk and desk. The room seemed impossibly small for two people. It had only four pieces of furniture: a bed, a desk and two swiveling chairs. All of the furniture was bolted to the wall or floor. There was also a built in wardrobe, empty except for a space suit. Rose pushed the opaque plastic door of the wardrobe open and tugged at the sleeve of the suit.
“The Doctor went to borrow one of these,” she said.
“He’ll need one,” Eris said. “You should always be close to your suit in case there's...” Her sentence trailed away as her eyes glazed over with melancholy.
'In case there's a breech,' Rose thought but she didn’t say anything. Words seemed inadequate.
Shivering, Eris scrubbed a hand up and down one arm. She cased the room as if in search of a clue why she'd come. Her restlessly gaze fixed on Rose. She seemed to recall herself. Swallowing hard, she blinked away the beginnings of tears and continued in a brittle tone. “You can probably use that suit while you’re here," she said, bobbing her chin toward it. "It belonged to the Captain. It'll be a little long on you but otherwise a good fit. As for the rest of your needs. Check with the supply clerk. You can put in an order for clothing with the laundry. There’s nothing new around here. Nothing high fashion – just knickers, jeans and tees – but we have a good recycling system.” Turning away from Rose, she rolled the utility belt open on the desktop and began fiddling with her portable instruments, tugging them free of snaps and loops, checking gauges and dials. “Right. We’re going to do this the old-fashioned way. When was the date of your last physical?”
“I don’t remember. At the hospital, I guess…so…a few months.”
“And the date of your last menses?”
“Oh…I…ah…I kind of lose count. One day blends into the next…”
Eris looked over her shoulder in surprise. “Don’t you have a bioclock?”
“Clocks don’t work properly in the TARD…our ship. But maybe. What’s it look like?”
“Here. I've got one.” She teased a credit-card-sized piece of plastic out of a pocket on her utility belt. Tilting the card, she let Rose see a digital readout on its surface. “It’s the best way of tracking your hormonal cycles in space. I’ll set you up with one. But ballpark for me. A week? Two weeks? A few days?”
“At least two weeks. Maybe longer.”
Eris nodded and punched some buttons on one of her instrument. It looked like a heavy-duty torch, the kind you keep in the boot of your car in case you breakdown on the highway. It had a long handgrip and a flared head. The head housed a tiny computer monitor instead of a light bulb. The monitor’s screen cast a blue-white glow over Eris’ face as she peered into it.
“Okay,” she said, after a few further adjustments to switches and knobs, “Calibrated. We’re ready. I’m going to need you to lie down on the bunk and relax.” Nodding, Rose slipped out of her jacket, draping it over a chair back. She’d unzipped her jeans and, with her thumbs hooked over the waistband, was about to shimmy out of them when Eris happened to look up. “What in the name of the First Archive are you doing?” she exclaimed in a startled tone.
Rose froze in mid-shimmy. The air felt unusually chilly on her back as she met Eris’ eye and saw the dismay reflected there. “Getting undressed?” she said, in a small voice. “For the examination?”
The medic’s shocked expression dissolved into one of barely suppressed amusement. “I said old-fashioned,” she managed to say between hiccough-like snickers. “Not Pre-Burn. How backward do you think we are?” She brandished her torch-like instrument. “I have a sonic scope. I can still see what I’m doing. No need to…what?” Her smirk widened to a full grin as she shook her head. “Poke around?”
“Oh…right,” Rose said, quickly closing and securing her jeans. “Sorry. I…don’t have much experience with this sort of thing.”
“What planet are you from, anyway? Somewhere on the frontier?”
“I’m…yeah, a bit out of touch.” Shoulders hunched, chin lowered, Rose went to the bed and sat on the end of it. Then, taking a deep breath she laid back, knees bent, feet still firmly planted on the floor.
Sensing her embarrassment, Eris slipped into a comfortable bedside manner. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ve done dozens of field exams. I’ll need you to scoot up, lie flat.” Rose squirmed and pushed until her feet were on the bed. But she had a hard time letting go of her tension. Her knees were flexed, her fists clenched. She wished she had some idea what was coming. “Contracting your muscles blurs the image,” Eris told her. “Just try to relax.” She pointed the shaft of the sonic scope at Rose’s navel. “Close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths.” Rose did as she was told. “So, I gather your companion isn’t a medical doctor, then?” Eris said, making conversation.
“Well...he's...” Rose began just as the sonic scope thrummed into life. She flinched when it sent the first of several vibrating pulse through her abdomen. It didn’t hurt but the pulses were alarmingly intense. Opening her eyes, she lifted her head to look down at her stomach, as she muttered, “He doesn’t know much about babies. How to make them...but...”
The strong thrumming of the scope caused her breath to hitch on every inhale and her voice came out in vibrato. She squeezed her eyes closed and tried to ignore the penetrating throb. Unfortunately, the gentle pulsation low in her belly reminded her forcefully of the Doctor’s lovemaking. An exquisite yearning bloomed behind the memory. The vibration teasing her core sent her mind down a path of erotic fantasy. She could almost feel the Doctor’s arms around her. Her nipples hardened, aching in the slight chill of the room as she conjured the sensation of his body stretched out next to hers on this narrow bunk. The thought of his bare skin sliding along her back inspired a delicious shivering. Her thigh muscles clenched instinctively in response. His teeth would nip at her throat, when she murmured sweet encouragements. His tongue would lap and lick as he snuggled closer, fully embracing her.
She would probably never come home and find him reading or sleeping. He would always roam. But just as he had in the TARDIS, some time in the night he would visit, slipping into bed beside her. There was no way they would be able to avoid one another in this tiny room. Their mutual hunger would be an immediate concern, not easily deferred. Rose craved the level of complete satisfaction only her Doctor could give her. She longed for more than the companionable hugs she’d been getting.
She needed the sharp sting of his arousal, the ephemeral pain of it like a hundred nettles jabbing her. in seconds she'd be drunk on love. The floating euphoria of true union would settle over her, quickly countering any discomfort, and she would know him. His mind. His mouth. His hands. The licking tongues of his orchid-like member. Like the sonic scope, it would vibrate against her, through her, deep in her veins, in her bones, and she would come. Wrapped around him, bucking under him, she would come so very hard.
“This will sting a little,” Eris said, following the warning with a needle prick that snapped Rose back to reality.
“Ow!”
“Sorry about that. Just need a little blood to set your hormonal clock. Now, it should tell you where you are in your cycle and how many cycles you've had since setting it.” She glanced at the display. “Looks like your instincts are good. You’re ovulating. Do you want me to give you a shot of Contracol?”
Guessing this was a contraceptive, Rose declined, “No, we’ve got something.”
“Okay, then.” She handed Rose the bioclock. “That’s it. We’re done. You’re fine. Perfect, actually. I would never have guessed you’d been pregnant.”
“I was,” Rose insisted. It was hard enough losing Susan like that. She didn’t want to deny the memory of her, too.
“Yes, of course, I can tell by your readings but your uterus is remarkably clean. No sign of scarring. You must have had a fantastic surgeon.”
“I suppose,” Rose sighed. She sat up, swinging her feet to the floor. “I wish…” she began but couldn’t go on. The loss was too recent to consider for long.
“Are you going to try again?”
“I don’t know. It’s…complicated.”
Eris sank into the desk chair, swiveling it sideways so she faced Rose across the chair back. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Rose wasn't sure she was ready to talk about Susan. And she didn't want to burden Eris in her grief. But Eris seemed genuinely interested, reaching out to squeeze Rose’s hand where it rested on her knee. Rose studied their clasped fingers. Eris was forty, the same age as Jackie Tyler but she didn't seem mum-ish. She had a more sophisticated awareness. Maybe she was the perfect person to tell.
Drawing in a deep breath, Rose said, “I didn't want the baby. I don't want children, really. They're more trouble than they're worth. My mum always goes on about how I’ll feel different someday. How I'll meet a special man. Not the Doctor, of course, someone else. And then I'll want kids. Gran’kids for her. Every time I go home. Whenever I see her, she has this expectant look. Like maybe this time I’m staying. Maybe I'm going to settle down and be…normal.”
“But you won’t…ever?” Eris said, in a let-me-guess tone.
“No. I don’t belong there anymore. I belong with him. And…” Tears glazed Rose’s eyes. She pressed a knuckle to her upper lip, hoping to stave off a sob but failed. Her voice broke as she said, “I love him. My Doctor. He changed my life. Changed me. I don’t think I could ever leave him.”
“But that’s good, isn’t it?” Rose nodded but couldn't meet her eye. Her lowered gaze prompted Eris to ask, “He loves you, right?”
“I…yes…I think so,” Rose managed to say between shaky sniffles. She looked around for something to blow her nose on and found nothing. “But if you knew him...he loves everyone. There were other women. Lots of them before me. They traveled with him.”
“And you’re jealous?”
“No,” Rose shook her head as she gratefully accept the fistful of tissues Eris drew from her smock pocket. “I used to be. But now, no…I think what we have is different. It goes deeper for him, too. But...” She stared into the other woman's eyes for a moment before continuing, “I don’t know what I really mean to him. If it's love or... He doesn’t have emotions like we do…not regular human ones. I don’t think he understands them. But he’s said things…made me feel he wants me, needs me with him. No, it’s more than that. It’s like love…but it could be just…biology.” She sighed. “He wanted us to have a baby.”
“And you didn’t.”
“I don’t know,” Rose sighed. “It all happened so fast. We were just having fun. And then before I could even accept that I was pregnant, it was over. Susan was gone. Out of my life before I even knew her.”
“You had a name picked out?”
Realizing she couldn't explain, Rose waved a vague hand. “It wouldn’t have been…normal.” She laughed, seeing the irony in that word. “His people don’t keep their children with them. They farm them out.”
“What is he? The son of some kind of noble family? I’ve heard there’s a resurgence of feudalism in the Rim planets.”
“No…or, well…yeah, I guess he is nobility, of a sort. But mostly I mean alien.”
“Alien?” Eris practically spit the word. Her brows dipped into a glower as she leaned forward with some fierce intent and demanded, “Are you saying he’s not…not…human?”
Rose wanted to ask what was wrong but the sudden switch in the medic's previously harmonious attitude alerted her to some vital social undercurrent. Rose sensed she should know what was wrong with being alien. The Ood were slaves, but maybe there were other less friendly aliens around. Traveling with the Doctor had taught her never to assume to know another culture's prejudices. All color had drained from Eris' face. Judging by her expression, Rose had gone from a trusted confidant to a suspicious intruder in a split second. She tried to repair the damage.
“Well, of course, he’s human,” she said with as carefree a laugh as she could manage. “I mean, what else could he be? He’s not an Ood.”
Eris remained sober, definitely not amused. One hand hovering over her wristcom, she narrowed her eyes, studying Rose intently. Rose tried to look harmless. After a tense few seconds, Eris cut a glance toward one of her instruments. She picked it up and, using her thumb, paged back through the stored data.
“Everyone knows there are alien infiltrators,” she said “We've had contact with several. I was on the Mary Magdalene.” Rose gave a modest nod, careful not to commit but acting as if she had some idea what this meant. Eris pushed up the sleeve of her smock to reveal an elaborate tattoo of an exploding ship. “One of only sixteen survivors. People back on Earth don't know the half of what happened. The Ood are harmless. Because they look like aliens. The ones you need to watch out for are the ones that look human. The more human an alien appears the more dangerous it is.” She checked her instruments again. “You seem very human.”
“Because I am,” Rose said, lightly. “And so is the Doctor. What I meant was...he’s just…sort of…alien to me. You know, like that old saying, men are from Mars?”
“He’s from Mars?” Eris frowned. “The Jesuit colony? Well, no wonder he doesn't know anything about gynecology.”
“No, it's...it’s just an expression,” Rose explained. “Back on Earth we sometimes say Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Different worlds, yeah? I’m from Earth, London…the Powell Estates. And he's from...like you said...the outer rim.” Alert now to avoid anything overtly alien, Rose covered her bases with a bit of authentic history. “He has a...a sort of...experimental ship. Because he's a bit of a scientist, yeah? A Doctor of science. So when he came to Earth, he picked me up and we started traveling. We explore. He’s traveled most of his life, actually, helping people. I just want to keep up. I don’t want to hold him back or...tie him down.”
“Oh, he’s one of those? Worried about his freedom?”
“No. He doesn’t care about that. It’s the life he leads. He has to keep moving. And he does so much for so many people. He’s…brilliant and charming and powerful and…” Rose dropped her gaze to the floor and chewed her lower lip to stop it trembling. This heartfelt confessing was wearing on her. “And when I’m with him I forget I’m Rose Tyler without her A-levels. I'm a better person, you know?”
Eris sighed out a single syllable, “Yeah.”
“Anyway, I know my mum is expecting me to just…give up…get over him. Go back to the shop, meet a nice man and make babies. And sometimes I think the Doctor is expecting that, too.”
“Wait? Are you saying…? He wants you to leave?”
“No,” Rose gave a sharp negative jerk of her head. “No, he doesn’t. I don’t mean that…but it’s like he…expects me to fail him, somehow. Like he can’t make himself believe in me.”
“And you can’t tell him how you feel,” Eris surmised.
“Right. I want to but...it’s…it’s…just too much, I think. And look at me, crying. Like I’m unhappy and I’m not….” She scrubbed the heel of one hand under each eye, wiping away tears. “I'm really not. But this is why I can’t talk about it. I get choked up and start blubbering every time.”
“You think he won't understand?”
“My mum wouldn't. She'd try to fix it, tell me things will get better when I find a husband. That I'm just going through a phase, some childish infatuation. The Doctor would just get upset, think I wanted something more from him.”
“Well, for what it’s worth,” Eris said, returning to her friendly ways and giving Rose’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I think you should talk about it anyway. Before you get pregnant again. I know, now, how wrong I was not to talk to Scooti when I had the chance.” She stood, releasing her grip on Rose, and started reholstering her instruments. “You should tell him exactly what you want from life and him. You need to believe in him, too.”
As Eris headed for the door, Rose sat with her head lowered, thinking about what she wanted from her relationship with the Doctor. She needed to tell him, show him, how serious she was. She started repeating Eris' advice to herself, like a mantra. ‘I believe in him. I believe in him,’ She kept at it until she saw him again.
Standing with her hands jammed deep in her pockets, watching the Doctor talk to Zack , Rose realized she’d been phrasing her mantra wrong.
“I believe in us,” she whispered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It’s ages since I wore one of these,” the Doctor announced, beaming.
Rose tugged the front of his borrowed spacesuit and told him she wanted it back in one piece.
“Yes, sir,” he replied as if tempted to salute, not quite comfortable with her fretting.
She’d come to see him off. People didn’t do that as a rule. See him off. He’d never known anyone to stand on the docks and wave before this. He usually left quickly and without lamentation, truth-be-told, frequently pursued by hurtled missiles. If parting from friends, he preferred to offer the briefest of pleasantries: “See you soon. Take care. Have a nice life.” Certainly he liked to leave quietly, without a lot of fuss.
Rose seemed poised to fuss this time. He cut into her soliloquy on the dangers of space travel, offering a brisk, “I’ll see you later.”
Ducking her chin, she flashed a devilish grin and said, “Not if I see you first.”
Then, to his astonishment, she kissed him. Well, kissed his faceplate. Still, it made his ears tingle and, in spite of his best intentions, he smiled. Her sweet gesture ignited an ember of longing in his chest. A flush of warmth prickled down his body. Suddenly, he didn't want to leave her. He wanted to find that room they'd been promised and spend the next few hours tracing her features with his fingertips.
This was why they didn’t kiss in public. He’d set the ground rules on public affection from the very beginning. Hugging, yes. Hand holding, when appropriate. Kissing, absolutely not. Kissing led to…more kissing, generally. And then, quite soon to arousal and he truly had very little self-control when it came to Rose’s mouth. One pass of her tongue over his was enough to hollow him out at the core. One intoxicating sip from her lips led to another and another. He had an almost insatiable thirst for her. Fine mess they’d be in if she kissed him in the middle of some public square and he took her then and there. Certainly, there were places in the universe, Barcelona for example, where such behavior went unnoticed. But on most worlds public fornication caused a stir. Crowds gathered.
But wasn’t that what people did before setting off on a perilous journey? Wasn't that a stock scene in all of those old war movies, kissing your lover good-bye? Didn’t nature demand you take one last stab at seeding the universe with your genetic potential? Appalled and a little bit emotionally flooded by this line of thought, he closed the door on it and headed into the descent pod. He really shouldn’t be thinking about fornication at a time like this. Despite the fascinating arrangement of zippers on Rose's jacket calling to him, teasing his imagination and tempting his fingers, serious business was afoot. Ida and Zack were depending on him. Something lurked at the heart of this world. He was sure of it. Something malevolent waited. And there was a slim possibility his TARDIS was somewhere down there. But still, he didn't want to go.
He didn't want to leave Rose. A sense of menace lurked in the reprocessed air. It brought out a protective, masculine side of him he was seldom aware existed. A stirring of his short hairs, a lift of his hackles, warned him he might never see Rose again. But that was impossible. He was a Time Lord. He could see around corners, judge the path before him. There was no fork in the road where Rose was lost to him. He'd long ago learned to trust his temporal instincts about the future. No matter how frighteningly illogical his present actions might seem they always led to the right outcome. When his view of the path told him to swerve, he did. He knew going down into the bowels of this planet would somehow bring him and Rose safely through whatever was coming. But the urge to converge was definitely affecting his judgment. He couldn't shake his mounting dread.
As he waited for Ida Scott, his biological clock kept chiming off the minutes, counting them as lost. Time to act, don't let go, biology told him. But that wasn't who he was, not really. He wasn't a domestic drone. If he was right and Rassilon was wrong then he could be a Time Lord and experience true union. He could retain his objectivity, do his job, despite his connection to Rose. If he was right and it had been a mistake to isolate Gallifrey, then his union with Rose should make them both stronger.
Ida came aboard and Mr. Jefferson closed the door behind her. The Doctor couldn't tear his eyes from Rose. As he stared at her through the door's window, she withdrew one hand from a pocket and, smiling fondly, twiddled her fingers at him. The ember inside his chest flared into a sun-bright bonfire. His confidence returned in a rush. Rose would be waiting. Nothing would part them. Nothing could.
A grin tugged away the tension in his cheeks as he returned her little wave in kind. They maintained eye contact as the pod dropped. It passed into a dark tunnel, shuddering as it picked up speed. Leaving Rose and even the light from her level behind, he and Ida rocketed down the drill shaft. Faster and faster. They were almost free falling when Zack announced they'd gone beyond the oxygen field. The Doctor checked his air mix just before Rose chimed in with a reminder to keep breathing. Amused, the Doctor felt his mouth twist up at the corners when a frustrated Zack told Rose to stay off the com. She dismissed the suggestion out of hand.
She meant to stay on the line with him. The realization centered him, made him that much more determined to return with his TARDIS. He must protect Rose at all costs. There were truths he hadn’t shared with her, as yet. Things he needed to tell her. More about the war, his other loves, his children, and even his first meeting with her. He’d been a dad once. And married, too, a long time ago.
He wasn't sure Rose would understand the marriage. She sometimes forgot about the length of his life. Nine hundred years was a very long time. He'd married for a multitude of reasons. But mostly because he’d never been married before and he’d been enchanted…by the woman and by the idea of a spiritual bond. Looking back, now, he knew he'd been seeking what he had with Rose for a very long time.
Marriage, a pledge of devotion, eluded his people, biologically as well as culturally. In the Dark Times before Rassilon life-mates were arranged by biological imperatives. Gallifreyan physiology, quite literally, left them no choice in the matter of true union. In his youth, the Doctor had been in harmony with the rest of his people in thinking blind biological devotion a blasphemy. True union seemed a primitive hold-over, rightly and wholly rejected by thinking beings.
But marriage was another matter entirely. Free of Gallifreyan restraint, he’d celebrated the ideal of choice, just as Susan had, by marrying. And just as Susan had, he’d quickly regretted the youthful impulse. Within a few short years of his wedding, he stopped associating the experience of marriage with choice or delight. Marriage he learned, to his sorrow, was about restraint, rules and proper behavior. He came to loathe it. And he didn’t think he would enter into the velvet trap again. Not even for Rose.
But then, Rose wouldn’t ask it of him. He knew this. Just as he knew he would share everything with her in time. All that he was, the warp and weft of him, would unravel into a single skein. He’d lay the strand of himself in her hands. This is who I am, he’d say and she wouldn’t flinch from it because he was hers to reweave. She would make him into something new.
Already she had changed him. He’d relearned what his people had forgotten. True union was natural and delightfully invigorating. It need not overrule the mind or undermine the spirit. It demanded no promises or pledges, no oaths or vows. It had no rules or writs. True union simply was. Like breathing was. Like cellular osmosis it happened without any direction. You cherished your breath, without ever promising it anything.
They reached point zero, he and Ida, and stepped out into blackness. His senses strained to pick out detail in the surroundings. He used neither eyes nor ears but his temporal senses. They brought him indications of workmanship and decay. Evidence of great age and great wisdom assaulted him. An echoing in his spatial equilibrium led him to believe they were standing in a massive cavern. Ida lit a gravity globe, tossing it into the air. It flared like a pocket-sized sun, giving them vision. The Doctor's mouth dropped open. Ida spoke with wonder. She was appropriately moved but the Doctor couldn't help wishing Rose were the one beside him. She would adore seeing this.
Needing to share, he called to her in a melodic voice, “Rose? You can tell Toby we found his civilization.”
“Hey, Toby...” He heard her say with evident delight as she passed along his message.
Ida crunched away, moving purposefully across the rough ground. The Doctor ran a bit to catch up and they strode along with him trailing her as he gawked. He couldn't seem to take it all in. The massive cliff city astounded him. He'd never seen anything like it, though he supposed King Solomon's Mines came close. He looked forward to exploring every nook. There were bridges far overhead and great carved columns at the portals of doors close at hand. Carved beasts glowered down at them as he chided Ida for saying 'there's no turning back.' She really should have known better but she found his irritation taxing. He let it go, motioning her to proceed.
As they approached the power source, a puzzling conversation taking place on their intercoms distracted him from his own observations.
Danny expressed some concern about the Ood. They were staring at him and their telepathic field registered basic 100. 'Brain dead,' the Doctor thought, 'and yet, not.' He privately agreed with Danny. That was creepy. Were the oddly altered Ood dangerous? Could they become dangerous?
“Everything all right up there?” he asked and received a chorus of unconvincing reassurances.
Rose's, “Yeah” sounded particularly strained.
The Doctor fought the urge to turn back, to go to her. It felt like a rushing stream behind his knees. But, ahead of him, in the ground was a massive metal...shield or lid or....
“I've got a nasty feeling the word might be trapdoor,” he said, announcing their find. “Never met a trapdoor I liked.”
They always reminded him of lurking spiders. This one was no exception. He could sense something malevolent and close at hand. If the trapdoor snapped open would he fall into a sticky web, be trapped for all time? What about Rose? Would she be safe up there without him? Surrounded by strangers and odd Ood? He told them about the writing that defied translation and heard Zack ask Toby for help. A garble of voices on the com was followed by Mr. Jefferson ordering someone to “stand down.” A burst of static told him something had gone wrong ten miles up.
“What is it? What's he done?” he called, panic making his tone harsh. “Rose? What's going on?”
Rose didn't respond as far as he could tell but Zack's voice came to him clearly. “Report. Report. Jefferson, Report.”
“Rose? What is it? Rose?” No answer. The rushing stream of anxiety pushing on his knees, against his spine, threatened to overwhelm him. “I'm going back up,” he told Ida, striding away before she could think to voice a protest. As he stalked along, a booming alien voice spoke as if from the airless cavern itself.
“I will walk in the light. My legions will swarm across worlds...”
“Oh, someone's taking his press releases to heart,” the Doctor muttered a second before the ground began to pitch and shudder under him.
He cast a desperate look at the pod as Ida called to him for help. It would be too dangerous to try to get back to the surface in the middle of an earthquake in any case. Turning around, he headed toward Ida who was dodging a hailstorm of boulders. He reached for her arm, hoping to steer her toward shelter but beyond her the trapdoor was opening. It fragmented into pie-sections, each slice retreating into hidden recesses in the chasm wall until there was nothing left of the seal but the decorated rim.
“The pit is open and I am free,” the beast roared as the Doctor and Ida peered over the rim into an apparently bottomless shaft.
'Now, there's an invitation to disaster if ever I saw one,' the Doctor thought but still, as the earth quieted, he stayed and considered it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the moment Toby first began channeling 'the Beast' until she pulled the trigger on a bolt gun and sent him hurling toward the black sun, Rose Tyler operated on pure instinct. She seemed to be mainlining adrenaline. Casting herself in the Doctor's place, she did what he would do. She planned and executed an escape. Kept people moving, kept as many of them alive as she could. With no time to think about her own losses and fears, she focused admirably. Men with military training and years of deep space experience followed her orders. She organized them to outflank and then defeat the enemy.
Only when it came to leaving did she balk. She couldn't leave the Doctor all alone. He might well be dead. Ida and Zack seemed sure of it. But they didn't know him. Not like she did. She knew he could come back from a fall, cheat death at its own door. He would return to her if he could, if it were remotely possible. She had to believe in that slim possibility because the shriveled icy lump of her heart barely had the strength to keep beating after Ida announced his loss. If it wasn't possible for him to return, if he was truly gone, how could she go on? She couldn't.
But Zack gave her no choice. He captured her. Drugged her. Saved her. But not for long. As the rocket lifted toward space, something went wrong. Zack announced the collapse of the gravity funnel. The rocket lurched. The Doctor's planetary tomb broke orbit, heading for the black hole. Rose held on to her seat as gravity's teeth seized the rocket, worried and shook it. Toby raved and changed and from somewhere deep inside she found the courage to send him to hell. Her bolt shattered the rocket's protective glass, forcing Zack to raise the emergency shields. The shields protected them from frigid suffocation, but the rocket kept on falling. Nothing could break gravity's death grip.
“But we stopped him,” Rose said. “That's what the Doctor would have done.”
“Some victory,” Zack said, “We're going in.”
Numbed by her own heartache, drained by the fight, Rose couldn't even summon sorrow for the others. Her life was over in any case. At least she and the Doctor would be together. She could rest beside him in the belly of the black sun, forever. Too empty to mourn or weep, she simply watched out her porthole window as the impossible planet vanished, comforted only by the knowledge that this unbearable grieving would be brief.
“I'm sorry,” Danny told her, his expression one of complete sincerity.
Rose didn't acknowledge him. She closed her eyes and waited for the end.
'I believe in us,' she thought, knowing it would be her last thought in this life and wanting it to resonate in eternity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“If I believe in one thing...just one...I believe in her,” the Doctor told the immortal remains of the Beast.
He hoped the mind of the great lump, wherever it was, heard him because it took every ounce of faith he possessed to pick up the stone again and bring it smashing down, shattering those urn-like locks to bits. He didn't allow himself to think about consequences, about sending this planet and the rocket carrying Rose to certain doom. Not until the act was done. Rose would be with him in this. He knew she would.
“This is your freedom,” he crowed, taunting the Beast. “Free to die.”
And then he laughed. He felt liberated. No more resisting what he shared with Rose. Maybe they had only seconds to live but their commitment to each other would be absolute. No stifling, archaic belief systems would restrain them. Rassilon's Beliefs. Rassilon's Oath and Vows. The Creed of Rassilon. The Staff and the Robe and the Cornet of Rassilon. The ruddy Tea Cozy of Rassilon. All of it meaningless. All of it gone now, burned away, as the Beast was burning. Logically, the Doctor knew he was lost, too. There was no hope of survival. All he had to hold onto was the slender thread of his true union. But he believed Rose would do something. Something clever...something unexpected. Just like this. Just like he had.
Or they would die together. He could feel the world ending. The planet quaked in its death throes. Before him, the Beast thrashed and fell. Its taut chains sang under the strain. One of them snapped, lashing the walls. Huge hunks of rock broke free, slamming down with crushing force. The Doctor stumbled back. A hiss of steam released from the planet's molten core, sent him flying. He crashed into something solid, a wall. Looking up, he saw the bright blue exterior of his beloved ship.
Ha! Vindication!
Thankful to have transferred his key to a zippered pocket in his spacesuit, he wrenched open the outer door and raced up the ramp toward the console. There wasn't much time, even for a time machine. He calculated his remaining seconds and set coordinates to materialize around Ida. They could scoop her up on the fly but there was no way to rescue the Ood. Rose only had a few moments left. He used their psychic connection to triangulate her position and materialized near her. The TARDIS caught the rocket in a temporal tractor beam, snaring it a heartbeat away from an inevitable singularity. Once the rocket was in tow, the Doctor took a brief time out to steady his nerves as he offset the pull of gravity with the greater pull of eternity. Even black holes collapsed into irrelevance eventually. He simply looped the rocket back to a time when there was no sun in this part of the heavens. But he couldn't rest easy. Despite his people having invented black holes as a tool for time travel the Doctor knew better than to cross them, just like Oppenheimer knew better than to picnic in an atomic blast zone. He wouldn't breathe an unburdened breath until Rose was safely back on the TARDIS.
“Sorry about the hijack, Captain,” he said into the comlink he'd programmed to patch into Zack's ship. “This is the good ship TARDIS. Now, first things first, have you got a Rose Tyler on board?”
“I'm here. It's me,” she yelped gleefully and then he heard her mutter, “Oh, my God.”
He blushed. He really needed to speak to her again about calling him that. Even during sex it embarrassed him. It was almost as bad as 'baby.' But then again, maybe she really was calling on her personal deity. Maybe she was praying. Or giving thanks. Did she feel as thankful hearing his voice as he did hearing hers? He arranged a swap for her, happy to be able to give Zack the good news about Ida.
As soon as the rocket cleared the gravitational pull of the black hole, the TARDIS materialized in the ship's cargo hold. The Doctor carried Ida outside, gently placing her on a pile of blankets. He checked her vital signs but didn't linger over her. Instead, he went back to the console to announce his presence. Within minutes, Rose pushed the outer door open. They stared at one another as time slowed to a standstill. And then they both grinned and rushed forward.
As she reached the top of the ramp, he caught her in his arms, lifting her from her feet. He didn’t twirl her but simply pressed her tight against him. She groaned in satisfaction, breathing him in, and then sighed in delight. Clinging to him, burbling happily, she buried her face in the curve of his throat. He squeezed her and swung her back and forth as he hummed with pleasure. Oh, it felt good to hold her. It felt like coming home.
Since neither of them were able to let go, he guided her down his body until her feet hit floor. She found his mouth with hers as her fingers started unsnapping his collar, tugging at his zippers. Taking the hint, he broke the seal on his gloves and, wrenching out of the kiss, used his teeth to yank them off. His bare hands found her hair, combed through it again and again. He tilted her head back until their mouths met once more. She seized the nape of his neck with one hand, even as her other hand burrowed through layers of protective clothing to tug his shirt free of his suit trouser.
Between deep, wet kisses, he made a series of extravagant promises. “I’ll buy you a house...if you want. Or a boat. Or a starship. Tell me what you'd like. We’ll find a planet somewhere. Rest. Start a family.” Feeling her tense, he smoothly shifted gears. “Or not. There's no rush. I can get a job. As…a…a what?” He'd managed to find his way under her shirt and jacket. His short nails grazed her back. “A politician? Mad scientist? Clerk? Teacher or…no, I really wasn’t very good at that, was I? I know, a postman.” When the idea took hold, he let a bit of light squeeze between them as he searched her face for some sign of approval. “I’ve always wanted to be a postman," he confided with boyish glee. "You get to deliver packages and love letters and relief checks.”
“And bills,” Rose murmured into another kiss. Feeling so weightless the ship might as well have dematerialized beneath her, she leaned back in his arms and gazed up at him. She couldn’t help smiling over his enthusiasm even as she argued with it. “And foreclosure notices.”
“I'll drop those down the sewer gratings," he said, before returning to his original line of thought. Pulling out of the next kiss, he met her eye in serious inquiry. "Don't you want anything? A rose-covered cottage?"
“Can we make love?” she asked, suddenly needing him desperately.
His face lit up. “Oh, yes,” he growled softly, redoubling his efforts to remove his spacesuit. Efforts hampered by his inability to stop kissing her.
Without breaking all contact with her mouth, he managed to wrestle free of yards of orange fabric and his weighted boots. Stripped to his brown suit and bare feet, he swung Rose toward the console and bent her backward over it while simultaneously gliding a hand around her bottom and along her outer thigh. One arm around her waist, the other under her knee, he lifted her up, settling her in a bare spot among the controls. Rose moaned as he licked her throat, nuzzled her ear. But she dipped her shoulder and, laughing, rolled under his arm. He tried to contain her but she had more leverage and gravity on her side. She flowed around him, shimmying downward until her feet found the floor. Ducking out of his embrace, she spun away, panting. One hand to her chest and the other up like a traffic cop stopping vehicles, she held him at bay for a moment while she caught her breath.
“Not...right...this minute,” she gasped.
“Oh,” he said, crestfallen. Sheepishly scratching an ear, he looked away and repeated himself, “Oh. Yes. Of course, I didn't mean to...rush you. I just thought...but...no..." he took a deep breath and released it, "you need a little time to...adjust...to...uhm...”
She beamed at him, skating forward to take his face between her palms and kiss him soundly. When their lips smacked apart, she said, “No. It's not that. I don't need any more time. I just thought...maybe...” She caressed him, stroking his cheek with one hand, while skimming her other down his arm until she could intertwine their fingers. “Could we go somewhere? Somewhere...special?”
His eyes crossed a little as he focused on hers. “Right,” he said on a shaky inhale, “Special. Yes. Certainly. Sure. No black holes or...Beasts...no trouble brewing.” He bobbled his head a few times, and then glanced at the console. A slow smile transformed his bemused visage. “I know just the place.”
“And maybe we should say goodbye to the others.”
He was already setting coordinates. “Others? Oh, Zack...and Ida...and,” Rose stared at him with an infuriating smugness, knowing he'd forgotten the rest of the crew names. Finally, he cut his eyes sideways to avoid her glare and squeaked, “And the...others.”
“Danny,” she prompted, nudging him cheekily, but her smile faded when she added, “Mr. Jefferson didn't make it. Neither did Eris. Or Toby.”
“But we did,” the Doctor reminded her, giving her waist a final squeeze before turning his attention to pilot and navigation duty. As he toggled the comlink to raise Zack, he softly remarked, “We made it.”
END THIS PART
By Rabid1st
Ten/Rose
Rating: Teen+
Beta Babes: Kammi & Jei & Aibhinn & Keswindhover
Spoilers: The Satan Pit - S2
Summary: The Doctor and Rose face separate trials and find they want nothing more than a life with each other.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. If I did…the show would be censored by…everyone but you smutty few. I humbly thank Russell T. Davies for creating the sweetest, most-loving, most-genuinely iconic couple in the history of the world for me to play with.
LINKS for all previous parts…can be found HERE
I’ve seen fake gods and bad gods and demigods and would-be gods and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing…just one…I believe in her!
PART FOURTEEN
The Doctor took a few wrong turns before stumbling upon a rack of spacesuits. They weren't where he expected them to be. Puzzled by their location, he eyed them warily for a moment. Perhaps they were the same ones he and Rose had run by earlier, perhaps another identical set. Tapping his chin with one finger, he stood contemplating the suits with ill-concealed suspicion while he mentally retraced his route. He glanced over his shoulder, and then back to the suits. Different set, he felt. Still, serviceable. The only obstacle between him and protective gear was a Plexiglas shield.
His brief search for a way around this obstacle revealed a thumbprint identi-lock set in the wall. After pouting over his failure to create a personal identity code, he considered forcing the lock. Even started to ease the sonic screwdriver from an inside pocket but hesitated with it halfway out. Rose seemed to be with him, placing her hand over his, urging him to reconsider. They were going to be living with these people, the ghostly gesture reminded him. Better try asking first before initiating random acts of vandalism. Pressing his lips together and bobbing his head, he tucked the screwdriver away. A quick retrace of his steps brought him to a door and intercom.
He toggled the switch a few times. “Hello?” he said into the speaker, toggling some more. “Hello? Zack, please. Captain Cross-Blaine? Are you there, Zack? Or Ida Scott, I suppose. Anyone?”
“Doctor?” Zack’s voice crackled back at him. “Is that you?”
“Zack,” the Doctor crowed, cheerfully. “Good to hear from you and…yes…it is me…”
“State the nature of your emergency.”
“Ah…not an emergency…not exactly. Not yet…I…
“Then, stay off the ‘coms. We’re very busy just now and….”
“Spacesuit,” the Doctor interrupted. “Sorry. Need a spacesuit. And they’re locked.”
“A spacesuit? Where are you? I can’t have you going outside. Or…is there danger of another breech?”
The Doctor grimaced as he corrected himself. “Oh, no…rather…I should say want. I want a spacesuit. I’m in Corridor,” he held onto the word as he leaned back and craned to see the sign, “Sixteen. Corridor sixteen? And I would like to borrow a spacesuit…” as an afterthought he added, “and go down to point zero.”
“That’s out of the question. Only authorized personnel are allowed to…”
“I’m sorry, Captain, you seem to be breaking up. Could you repeat that?” the Doctor asked, smirking as he turned away from the intercom.
So much for reason, he thought as he aimed his screwdriver at the lock. Rose couldn’t say he hadn’t tried. Not that she would say anything of the kind. Rose didn’t nag or scold. Granted, she might disapprove. Frown a bit. Shake her head and roll her eyes at him. He didn't mind. He knew she steered his course, but gently. Like a fixed star point, she beckoned him toward a kinder shore. And he was usually content to let her guide him away from sharp-edged impulses. He seldom felt coerced. He liked pleasing her. So much so that the few times he’d set his will against hers she’d overcome him easily. Mickey, who shared his affliction, had called him on his weakness for Rose, intimating he would run after her. Come back for her. Dog her footsteps until she warmed to him again.
It was true. He would. But she’d proved as constant in her affections. It never took long for one of them to break through any barrier the other erected. They forgave each other’s trespasses, he and Rose. Tell me you’re sorry, he’d said once, after she’d nearly unraveled her world. And she’d offered up the sorrow from her heart. She could turn aside the rising flood of his anger with a smile or a sigh. Her compassion flowed from an apparently ceaseless spring. He wouldn't deny she felt free to tell him off, vent her own displeasure. But mostly she seemed as delighted with him as he was with her. If she was jealous, he suffered it. If he grew tetchy, she soothed.
Though he still shuddered at the thought of a house, even in such daunting confines he was sure he and Rose would get along swimmingly. He tried to envision it, the domestic life. Would it be the cliché, a rose-covered cottage and a nine-to-five job? Or a sleek penthouse apartment and a bit of excitement? Or a boat? He rather fancied the idea of life at sea. Of course, space travel was always an option. Surely there were still unexplored worlds. They could find one or six. Fight dragons or pirates. Become pirates. Build a log cabin. Or sleep under the stars.
‘Otter Settles Down,’ the Doctor thought, trying on the concept as he tried on his pilfered spacesuit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hamster Gets Lost,” Rose muttered as she took another turn into a dead-end. She spent a few moments imagining the book cover for a new story in the Hamster & Otter series: A spacesuited Otter stood alone with a paw shielding his eyes as he searched the horizon for some sign of his friend.
She needed the mental break. It felt like she’d been scrambling down tunnels for hours. The earthquake and subsequent breech had closed bulkheads and cut off normal access routes. Rose clambered over fallen debris as she retraced her steps for the fourth time. The identical corridors reminded her of the hamster habitat she’d owned as a child. The gift, a typically tactless one from her crazy Uncle Eddie, had led to Mickey teasing her mercilessly. Hamster ownership had been more of a burden than a treat for round-cheeked, buck-toothed Rose, but now, pausing to catch her breath, she felt a pang of sympathy for her long dead pets.
Trapped in their plastic tubing, the little fur balls had been forced to rely on hamster cunning to navigate their way to food dish and water bottle. At least she had a ‘you are here’ map at every habitation chamber. Not that the maps were helping her find her way around the damaged base. Determined not to call for help, she crossed her own track several more times before she located a clear route to Corridor 43. Adding to her confusion, the video game style of the computerized map’s touch screen required a bit of time to master. At first, the view swooped, panned and zoomed erratically whenever she put a hand on the controls. But she managed to figure out the steering in the end. Once she had a clear picture of her surroundings, a brief reconnoiter set her course and she made her way to the medical lab in a matter of minutes.
The lab, when she found it, was dimly lit and in chaos. Pale emergency lights flickered. Equipment crowded the center space. Machines on wheels seemed to have rolled randomly to their current positions. A beam had fallen across the room, crushing several pieces of medical equipment and one of the two curtain-shrouded beds. Rose hesitated in the hatchway, her claustrophobia triggered by the medicinal smells and close quarters. She might have turned away but muffled sobbing drew her in, directed her steps toward the undamaged bed. When she eased the green privacy curtain aside, she found Eris on the floor, huddled in a corner, weeping.
Coming, as it did, on the heels of her lab’s destruction, the news of Scooti’s death had been the last straw for Eris. She’d sunk to the ground in grief and stayed down. Her arms were wrapped around her knees. Her face was buried in the crook of one elbow. The others, busy with the drilling shaft, had ignored their minor bumps and bruises. Nobody had gone to medical. They’d forgotten their medic. Glancing around, Rose felt a wash of empathy for the woman. She shouldn’t have to face her loss alone.
“Eris?” Rose crouched next to her, putting out a tentative hand to lightly caress her hair. “It’s Rose. Rose Tyler. Are you okay?”
Eris gave a strangled little sob and curled into a tighter ball. Sighing, Rose let her knees buckle as she pressed a shoulder against the wall, sliding down it to sit. She sorted out her legs so she and Eris were side by side.
Then, she gathered the weeping woman into a hug, murmuring, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Eris turned into Rose’s shoulder, gripped her fiercely, holding on. Time ticked by. Neither of them spoke. Every so often, Rose crooned a meaningless but soothing series of notes. Eris gasped and burbled. Eventually, motivated by her stuffy, streaming sinuses, she lifted her head and, shifting her weight to one hip, fished a wadded hankie from her lab smock pocket. Rose tactfully inched a short distance away as Eris wiped her face and blew her nose. Elbows braced on her bended knees, hands clutching and scrunching the hankie, Eris took a few unsteady breaths. Her red-rimmed, swollen eyes stared straight ahead, refusing to focus on anything closer than the far wall.
“I can come back later,” Rose offered.
Eris didn’t appear to hear her. “She was so young,” she said.
“And beautiful,” Rose said, sliding her palm across Eris’ hunched shoulders. “You must have been happy together.”
Eris huffed, and then sniffed. She mopped under her nose again with the hankie. Her gaze crawled restlessly along the floor as she shook her head. “No. I wasn’t. I thought I wanted more. I never told her I loved her. I wanted to. Started to a dozen times. But I just couldn’t say it…those awful words.” She sighed, chin falling to her chest.
“Sometimes it’s hard to say. Sometimes the feeling is too…big.”
“I worried about silly things…being older. Contracts. Assignments. I was afraid she’d want to change me. We were always looking for something new…” She paused for so long Rose felt certain she’d finished speaking, but then she said, “I should have...said.”
“She knew. I’m sure she knew,” Rose told her. “Love’s…funny.” She chuckled softly, sympathetically. “That’s the word, yeah? Funny?”
Eris wearily lolled her head against the wall, cutting her glance to look at Rose. “Do you love him?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you told him?”
Rose shifted uneasily. She hadn’t. She couldn’t even think about it without a lump closing her throat, without facing the inevitable horror of one day losing him. But he knew. He had to know. “He knows. We have a sort of…understanding.”
“So did we,” Eris sighed.
Nodding, Rose glanced away. She couldn’t help thinking about the Doctor going down to Point Zero alone. Should she tell him before he went? Would he think she was fussing? She studied a nearby machine, watched it churn out a long strip of printed data.
“I can come back,” she repeated, softly – almost to herself. “When you’re feeling better.”
“No,” Eris breathed. “I’ll help you. Run your tests. I just need a minute.” Her gaze darted from the damaged bed to a messy counter, and then swept over several of the misaligned machines. Tears glistened in her lashes as she assessed the room. “Everything is falling apart. We shouldn’t be here…we shouldn’t have come to this hellhole.”
“Maybe you should take a break,” Rose suggested. “We could go for a coffee.”
“I…don’t…” Eris began, each word costing her a breath. Breaking off, she surged to her feet. She stood swaying for a moment and then looked down into Rose’s face, studying her through narrowed eyes. “Do you still want that exam?”
Scrambling up, Rose shook her head, denying it. “We can do it later. Don’t go to any trouble.”
Eris barked out a bitter little laugh. “You are the least of my troubles,” she said, brusquely. Gesturing toward the chaos in the center of the room, she added, “I’ve got a ton of metal in the middle of my lab. Half of the equipment needs recalibrating. My lover was just killed. And we’re short a bed.” Stepping around Rose, she went to the counter and began yanking open drawers, gathering instruments. She fastened each probe and meter into the snap-secured straps of a blue utility belt. The belt’s soft cloth folded easily into a portable package. Eris added a few tissues and some colorful plastic tubing to her smock pockets. “But you…you’re easy,” she said, scooping up the folded belt, “And right. I need to get out of here. They put you in the room across the hall?”
Frowning, Rose glanced toward the hatch. “The Captain’s Quarters? I haven’t been there yet. But I suppose I can get in.” She didn’t sound confident, but then Eris didn’t need much encouragement to leave the lab.
“Let’s find out,” she said, taking Rose by the elbow and steering her through the obstacle course of medical equipment.
The tiny claustrophobic lab was as crowded as a Victorian parlor. Rose breathed a sigh of relief when they stepped into the corridor. The walls were much closer but she could see for some distance. Focusing down the hall, she ignored her perception of the corridor collapsing in on her. She wouldn’t be able to avoid tight spaces if she was going to be living on a sanctuary base. She’d need to get over her fear. Maybe the Doctor could help her with hypnosis or something. Or maybe she could tough it out. Taking herself in hand, she moved ahead of Eris, crossing to the door of her new quarters. Locating the identi-lock, Rose pressed her thumb down on its glossy surface until there was a soft click from the door. With practiced ease, Eris turned the wheel on the hatch and the door hissed as it opened inward.
Ducking their heads, they entered another small room. The overhead lights came on automatically and the computer spoke in greeting. “Welcome, Rose Tyler,” its machine-voice declared. “Can I interest you in tonight’s musical selection or perhaps a holo-vid?”
Feeling a bit silly, hands shoved in her jeans pockets, Rose addressed thin air. “Uh…nothing…thanks,” she said, in a carrying voice. She darted a glance toward Eris.
The medic, however, saw nothing odd about her behavior. She told the computer to give them, “Lights, up by half. And classical piano, low.”
Rachmaninoff started playing softly, reminding Rose of her dentist’s office back on Earth. The recessed lighting glowed brighter, casting deeper shadows under the bunk and desk. The room seemed impossibly small for two people. It had only four pieces of furniture: a bed, a desk and two swiveling chairs. All of the furniture was bolted to the wall or floor. There was also a built in wardrobe, empty except for a space suit. Rose pushed the opaque plastic door of the wardrobe open and tugged at the sleeve of the suit.
“The Doctor went to borrow one of these,” she said.
“He’ll need one,” Eris said. “You should always be close to your suit in case there's...” Her sentence trailed away as her eyes glazed over with melancholy.
'In case there's a breech,' Rose thought but she didn’t say anything. Words seemed inadequate.
Shivering, Eris scrubbed a hand up and down one arm. She cased the room as if in search of a clue why she'd come. Her restlessly gaze fixed on Rose. She seemed to recall herself. Swallowing hard, she blinked away the beginnings of tears and continued in a brittle tone. “You can probably use that suit while you’re here," she said, bobbing her chin toward it. "It belonged to the Captain. It'll be a little long on you but otherwise a good fit. As for the rest of your needs. Check with the supply clerk. You can put in an order for clothing with the laundry. There’s nothing new around here. Nothing high fashion – just knickers, jeans and tees – but we have a good recycling system.” Turning away from Rose, she rolled the utility belt open on the desktop and began fiddling with her portable instruments, tugging them free of snaps and loops, checking gauges and dials. “Right. We’re going to do this the old-fashioned way. When was the date of your last physical?”
“I don’t remember. At the hospital, I guess…so…a few months.”
“And the date of your last menses?”
“Oh…I…ah…I kind of lose count. One day blends into the next…”
Eris looked over her shoulder in surprise. “Don’t you have a bioclock?”
“Clocks don’t work properly in the TARD…our ship. But maybe. What’s it look like?”
“Here. I've got one.” She teased a credit-card-sized piece of plastic out of a pocket on her utility belt. Tilting the card, she let Rose see a digital readout on its surface. “It’s the best way of tracking your hormonal cycles in space. I’ll set you up with one. But ballpark for me. A week? Two weeks? A few days?”
“At least two weeks. Maybe longer.”
Eris nodded and punched some buttons on one of her instrument. It looked like a heavy-duty torch, the kind you keep in the boot of your car in case you breakdown on the highway. It had a long handgrip and a flared head. The head housed a tiny computer monitor instead of a light bulb. The monitor’s screen cast a blue-white glow over Eris’ face as she peered into it.
“Okay,” she said, after a few further adjustments to switches and knobs, “Calibrated. We’re ready. I’m going to need you to lie down on the bunk and relax.” Nodding, Rose slipped out of her jacket, draping it over a chair back. She’d unzipped her jeans and, with her thumbs hooked over the waistband, was about to shimmy out of them when Eris happened to look up. “What in the name of the First Archive are you doing?” she exclaimed in a startled tone.
Rose froze in mid-shimmy. The air felt unusually chilly on her back as she met Eris’ eye and saw the dismay reflected there. “Getting undressed?” she said, in a small voice. “For the examination?”
The medic’s shocked expression dissolved into one of barely suppressed amusement. “I said old-fashioned,” she managed to say between hiccough-like snickers. “Not Pre-Burn. How backward do you think we are?” She brandished her torch-like instrument. “I have a sonic scope. I can still see what I’m doing. No need to…what?” Her smirk widened to a full grin as she shook her head. “Poke around?”
“Oh…right,” Rose said, quickly closing and securing her jeans. “Sorry. I…don’t have much experience with this sort of thing.”
“What planet are you from, anyway? Somewhere on the frontier?”
“I’m…yeah, a bit out of touch.” Shoulders hunched, chin lowered, Rose went to the bed and sat on the end of it. Then, taking a deep breath she laid back, knees bent, feet still firmly planted on the floor.
Sensing her embarrassment, Eris slipped into a comfortable bedside manner. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ve done dozens of field exams. I’ll need you to scoot up, lie flat.” Rose squirmed and pushed until her feet were on the bed. But she had a hard time letting go of her tension. Her knees were flexed, her fists clenched. She wished she had some idea what was coming. “Contracting your muscles blurs the image,” Eris told her. “Just try to relax.” She pointed the shaft of the sonic scope at Rose’s navel. “Close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths.” Rose did as she was told. “So, I gather your companion isn’t a medical doctor, then?” Eris said, making conversation.
“Well...he's...” Rose began just as the sonic scope thrummed into life. She flinched when it sent the first of several vibrating pulse through her abdomen. It didn’t hurt but the pulses were alarmingly intense. Opening her eyes, she lifted her head to look down at her stomach, as she muttered, “He doesn’t know much about babies. How to make them...but...”
The strong thrumming of the scope caused her breath to hitch on every inhale and her voice came out in vibrato. She squeezed her eyes closed and tried to ignore the penetrating throb. Unfortunately, the gentle pulsation low in her belly reminded her forcefully of the Doctor’s lovemaking. An exquisite yearning bloomed behind the memory. The vibration teasing her core sent her mind down a path of erotic fantasy. She could almost feel the Doctor’s arms around her. Her nipples hardened, aching in the slight chill of the room as she conjured the sensation of his body stretched out next to hers on this narrow bunk. The thought of his bare skin sliding along her back inspired a delicious shivering. Her thigh muscles clenched instinctively in response. His teeth would nip at her throat, when she murmured sweet encouragements. His tongue would lap and lick as he snuggled closer, fully embracing her.
She would probably never come home and find him reading or sleeping. He would always roam. But just as he had in the TARDIS, some time in the night he would visit, slipping into bed beside her. There was no way they would be able to avoid one another in this tiny room. Their mutual hunger would be an immediate concern, not easily deferred. Rose craved the level of complete satisfaction only her Doctor could give her. She longed for more than the companionable hugs she’d been getting.
She needed the sharp sting of his arousal, the ephemeral pain of it like a hundred nettles jabbing her. in seconds she'd be drunk on love. The floating euphoria of true union would settle over her, quickly countering any discomfort, and she would know him. His mind. His mouth. His hands. The licking tongues of his orchid-like member. Like the sonic scope, it would vibrate against her, through her, deep in her veins, in her bones, and she would come. Wrapped around him, bucking under him, she would come so very hard.
“This will sting a little,” Eris said, following the warning with a needle prick that snapped Rose back to reality.
“Ow!”
“Sorry about that. Just need a little blood to set your hormonal clock. Now, it should tell you where you are in your cycle and how many cycles you've had since setting it.” She glanced at the display. “Looks like your instincts are good. You’re ovulating. Do you want me to give you a shot of Contracol?”
Guessing this was a contraceptive, Rose declined, “No, we’ve got something.”
“Okay, then.” She handed Rose the bioclock. “That’s it. We’re done. You’re fine. Perfect, actually. I would never have guessed you’d been pregnant.”
“I was,” Rose insisted. It was hard enough losing Susan like that. She didn’t want to deny the memory of her, too.
“Yes, of course, I can tell by your readings but your uterus is remarkably clean. No sign of scarring. You must have had a fantastic surgeon.”
“I suppose,” Rose sighed. She sat up, swinging her feet to the floor. “I wish…” she began but couldn’t go on. The loss was too recent to consider for long.
“Are you going to try again?”
“I don’t know. It’s…complicated.”
Eris sank into the desk chair, swiveling it sideways so she faced Rose across the chair back. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Rose wasn't sure she was ready to talk about Susan. And she didn't want to burden Eris in her grief. But Eris seemed genuinely interested, reaching out to squeeze Rose’s hand where it rested on her knee. Rose studied their clasped fingers. Eris was forty, the same age as Jackie Tyler but she didn't seem mum-ish. She had a more sophisticated awareness. Maybe she was the perfect person to tell.
Drawing in a deep breath, Rose said, “I didn't want the baby. I don't want children, really. They're more trouble than they're worth. My mum always goes on about how I’ll feel different someday. How I'll meet a special man. Not the Doctor, of course, someone else. And then I'll want kids. Gran’kids for her. Every time I go home. Whenever I see her, she has this expectant look. Like maybe this time I’m staying. Maybe I'm going to settle down and be…normal.”
“But you won’t…ever?” Eris said, in a let-me-guess tone.
“No. I don’t belong there anymore. I belong with him. And…” Tears glazed Rose’s eyes. She pressed a knuckle to her upper lip, hoping to stave off a sob but failed. Her voice broke as she said, “I love him. My Doctor. He changed my life. Changed me. I don’t think I could ever leave him.”
“But that’s good, isn’t it?” Rose nodded but couldn't meet her eye. Her lowered gaze prompted Eris to ask, “He loves you, right?”
“I…yes…I think so,” Rose managed to say between shaky sniffles. She looked around for something to blow her nose on and found nothing. “But if you knew him...he loves everyone. There were other women. Lots of them before me. They traveled with him.”
“And you’re jealous?”
“No,” Rose shook her head as she gratefully accept the fistful of tissues Eris drew from her smock pocket. “I used to be. But now, no…I think what we have is different. It goes deeper for him, too. But...” She stared into the other woman's eyes for a moment before continuing, “I don’t know what I really mean to him. If it's love or... He doesn’t have emotions like we do…not regular human ones. I don’t think he understands them. But he’s said things…made me feel he wants me, needs me with him. No, it’s more than that. It’s like love…but it could be just…biology.” She sighed. “He wanted us to have a baby.”
“And you didn’t.”
“I don’t know,” Rose sighed. “It all happened so fast. We were just having fun. And then before I could even accept that I was pregnant, it was over. Susan was gone. Out of my life before I even knew her.”
“You had a name picked out?”
Realizing she couldn't explain, Rose waved a vague hand. “It wouldn’t have been…normal.” She laughed, seeing the irony in that word. “His people don’t keep their children with them. They farm them out.”
“What is he? The son of some kind of noble family? I’ve heard there’s a resurgence of feudalism in the Rim planets.”
“No…or, well…yeah, I guess he is nobility, of a sort. But mostly I mean alien.”
“Alien?” Eris practically spit the word. Her brows dipped into a glower as she leaned forward with some fierce intent and demanded, “Are you saying he’s not…not…human?”
Rose wanted to ask what was wrong but the sudden switch in the medic's previously harmonious attitude alerted her to some vital social undercurrent. Rose sensed she should know what was wrong with being alien. The Ood were slaves, but maybe there were other less friendly aliens around. Traveling with the Doctor had taught her never to assume to know another culture's prejudices. All color had drained from Eris' face. Judging by her expression, Rose had gone from a trusted confidant to a suspicious intruder in a split second. She tried to repair the damage.
“Well, of course, he’s human,” she said with as carefree a laugh as she could manage. “I mean, what else could he be? He’s not an Ood.”
Eris remained sober, definitely not amused. One hand hovering over her wristcom, she narrowed her eyes, studying Rose intently. Rose tried to look harmless. After a tense few seconds, Eris cut a glance toward one of her instruments. She picked it up and, using her thumb, paged back through the stored data.
“Everyone knows there are alien infiltrators,” she said “We've had contact with several. I was on the Mary Magdalene.” Rose gave a modest nod, careful not to commit but acting as if she had some idea what this meant. Eris pushed up the sleeve of her smock to reveal an elaborate tattoo of an exploding ship. “One of only sixteen survivors. People back on Earth don't know the half of what happened. The Ood are harmless. Because they look like aliens. The ones you need to watch out for are the ones that look human. The more human an alien appears the more dangerous it is.” She checked her instruments again. “You seem very human.”
“Because I am,” Rose said, lightly. “And so is the Doctor. What I meant was...he’s just…sort of…alien to me. You know, like that old saying, men are from Mars?”
“He’s from Mars?” Eris frowned. “The Jesuit colony? Well, no wonder he doesn't know anything about gynecology.”
“No, it's...it’s just an expression,” Rose explained. “Back on Earth we sometimes say Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Different worlds, yeah? I’m from Earth, London…the Powell Estates. And he's from...like you said...the outer rim.” Alert now to avoid anything overtly alien, Rose covered her bases with a bit of authentic history. “He has a...a sort of...experimental ship. Because he's a bit of a scientist, yeah? A Doctor of science. So when he came to Earth, he picked me up and we started traveling. We explore. He’s traveled most of his life, actually, helping people. I just want to keep up. I don’t want to hold him back or...tie him down.”
“Oh, he’s one of those? Worried about his freedom?”
“No. He doesn’t care about that. It’s the life he leads. He has to keep moving. And he does so much for so many people. He’s…brilliant and charming and powerful and…” Rose dropped her gaze to the floor and chewed her lower lip to stop it trembling. This heartfelt confessing was wearing on her. “And when I’m with him I forget I’m Rose Tyler without her A-levels. I'm a better person, you know?”
Eris sighed out a single syllable, “Yeah.”
“Anyway, I know my mum is expecting me to just…give up…get over him. Go back to the shop, meet a nice man and make babies. And sometimes I think the Doctor is expecting that, too.”
“Wait? Are you saying…? He wants you to leave?”
“No,” Rose gave a sharp negative jerk of her head. “No, he doesn’t. I don’t mean that…but it’s like he…expects me to fail him, somehow. Like he can’t make himself believe in me.”
“And you can’t tell him how you feel,” Eris surmised.
“Right. I want to but...it’s…it’s…just too much, I think. And look at me, crying. Like I’m unhappy and I’m not….” She scrubbed the heel of one hand under each eye, wiping away tears. “I'm really not. But this is why I can’t talk about it. I get choked up and start blubbering every time.”
“You think he won't understand?”
“My mum wouldn't. She'd try to fix it, tell me things will get better when I find a husband. That I'm just going through a phase, some childish infatuation. The Doctor would just get upset, think I wanted something more from him.”
“Well, for what it’s worth,” Eris said, returning to her friendly ways and giving Rose’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I think you should talk about it anyway. Before you get pregnant again. I know, now, how wrong I was not to talk to Scooti when I had the chance.” She stood, releasing her grip on Rose, and started reholstering her instruments. “You should tell him exactly what you want from life and him. You need to believe in him, too.”
As Eris headed for the door, Rose sat with her head lowered, thinking about what she wanted from her relationship with the Doctor. She needed to tell him, show him, how serious she was. She started repeating Eris' advice to herself, like a mantra. ‘I believe in him. I believe in him,’ She kept at it until she saw him again.
Standing with her hands jammed deep in her pockets, watching the Doctor talk to Zack , Rose realized she’d been phrasing her mantra wrong.
“I believe in us,” she whispered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It’s ages since I wore one of these,” the Doctor announced, beaming.
Rose tugged the front of his borrowed spacesuit and told him she wanted it back in one piece.
“Yes, sir,” he replied as if tempted to salute, not quite comfortable with her fretting.
She’d come to see him off. People didn’t do that as a rule. See him off. He’d never known anyone to stand on the docks and wave before this. He usually left quickly and without lamentation, truth-be-told, frequently pursued by hurtled missiles. If parting from friends, he preferred to offer the briefest of pleasantries: “See you soon. Take care. Have a nice life.” Certainly he liked to leave quietly, without a lot of fuss.
Rose seemed poised to fuss this time. He cut into her soliloquy on the dangers of space travel, offering a brisk, “I’ll see you later.”
Ducking her chin, she flashed a devilish grin and said, “Not if I see you first.”
Then, to his astonishment, she kissed him. Well, kissed his faceplate. Still, it made his ears tingle and, in spite of his best intentions, he smiled. Her sweet gesture ignited an ember of longing in his chest. A flush of warmth prickled down his body. Suddenly, he didn't want to leave her. He wanted to find that room they'd been promised and spend the next few hours tracing her features with his fingertips.
This was why they didn’t kiss in public. He’d set the ground rules on public affection from the very beginning. Hugging, yes. Hand holding, when appropriate. Kissing, absolutely not. Kissing led to…more kissing, generally. And then, quite soon to arousal and he truly had very little self-control when it came to Rose’s mouth. One pass of her tongue over his was enough to hollow him out at the core. One intoxicating sip from her lips led to another and another. He had an almost insatiable thirst for her. Fine mess they’d be in if she kissed him in the middle of some public square and he took her then and there. Certainly, there were places in the universe, Barcelona for example, where such behavior went unnoticed. But on most worlds public fornication caused a stir. Crowds gathered.
But wasn’t that what people did before setting off on a perilous journey? Wasn't that a stock scene in all of those old war movies, kissing your lover good-bye? Didn’t nature demand you take one last stab at seeding the universe with your genetic potential? Appalled and a little bit emotionally flooded by this line of thought, he closed the door on it and headed into the descent pod. He really shouldn’t be thinking about fornication at a time like this. Despite the fascinating arrangement of zippers on Rose's jacket calling to him, teasing his imagination and tempting his fingers, serious business was afoot. Ida and Zack were depending on him. Something lurked at the heart of this world. He was sure of it. Something malevolent waited. And there was a slim possibility his TARDIS was somewhere down there. But still, he didn't want to go.
He didn't want to leave Rose. A sense of menace lurked in the reprocessed air. It brought out a protective, masculine side of him he was seldom aware existed. A stirring of his short hairs, a lift of his hackles, warned him he might never see Rose again. But that was impossible. He was a Time Lord. He could see around corners, judge the path before him. There was no fork in the road where Rose was lost to him. He'd long ago learned to trust his temporal instincts about the future. No matter how frighteningly illogical his present actions might seem they always led to the right outcome. When his view of the path told him to swerve, he did. He knew going down into the bowels of this planet would somehow bring him and Rose safely through whatever was coming. But the urge to converge was definitely affecting his judgment. He couldn't shake his mounting dread.
As he waited for Ida Scott, his biological clock kept chiming off the minutes, counting them as lost. Time to act, don't let go, biology told him. But that wasn't who he was, not really. He wasn't a domestic drone. If he was right and Rassilon was wrong then he could be a Time Lord and experience true union. He could retain his objectivity, do his job, despite his connection to Rose. If he was right and it had been a mistake to isolate Gallifrey, then his union with Rose should make them both stronger.
Ida came aboard and Mr. Jefferson closed the door behind her. The Doctor couldn't tear his eyes from Rose. As he stared at her through the door's window, she withdrew one hand from a pocket and, smiling fondly, twiddled her fingers at him. The ember inside his chest flared into a sun-bright bonfire. His confidence returned in a rush. Rose would be waiting. Nothing would part them. Nothing could.
A grin tugged away the tension in his cheeks as he returned her little wave in kind. They maintained eye contact as the pod dropped. It passed into a dark tunnel, shuddering as it picked up speed. Leaving Rose and even the light from her level behind, he and Ida rocketed down the drill shaft. Faster and faster. They were almost free falling when Zack announced they'd gone beyond the oxygen field. The Doctor checked his air mix just before Rose chimed in with a reminder to keep breathing. Amused, the Doctor felt his mouth twist up at the corners when a frustrated Zack told Rose to stay off the com. She dismissed the suggestion out of hand.
She meant to stay on the line with him. The realization centered him, made him that much more determined to return with his TARDIS. He must protect Rose at all costs. There were truths he hadn’t shared with her, as yet. Things he needed to tell her. More about the war, his other loves, his children, and even his first meeting with her. He’d been a dad once. And married, too, a long time ago.
He wasn't sure Rose would understand the marriage. She sometimes forgot about the length of his life. Nine hundred years was a very long time. He'd married for a multitude of reasons. But mostly because he’d never been married before and he’d been enchanted…by the woman and by the idea of a spiritual bond. Looking back, now, he knew he'd been seeking what he had with Rose for a very long time.
Marriage, a pledge of devotion, eluded his people, biologically as well as culturally. In the Dark Times before Rassilon life-mates were arranged by biological imperatives. Gallifreyan physiology, quite literally, left them no choice in the matter of true union. In his youth, the Doctor had been in harmony with the rest of his people in thinking blind biological devotion a blasphemy. True union seemed a primitive hold-over, rightly and wholly rejected by thinking beings.
But marriage was another matter entirely. Free of Gallifreyan restraint, he’d celebrated the ideal of choice, just as Susan had, by marrying. And just as Susan had, he’d quickly regretted the youthful impulse. Within a few short years of his wedding, he stopped associating the experience of marriage with choice or delight. Marriage he learned, to his sorrow, was about restraint, rules and proper behavior. He came to loathe it. And he didn’t think he would enter into the velvet trap again. Not even for Rose.
But then, Rose wouldn’t ask it of him. He knew this. Just as he knew he would share everything with her in time. All that he was, the warp and weft of him, would unravel into a single skein. He’d lay the strand of himself in her hands. This is who I am, he’d say and she wouldn’t flinch from it because he was hers to reweave. She would make him into something new.
Already she had changed him. He’d relearned what his people had forgotten. True union was natural and delightfully invigorating. It need not overrule the mind or undermine the spirit. It demanded no promises or pledges, no oaths or vows. It had no rules or writs. True union simply was. Like breathing was. Like cellular osmosis it happened without any direction. You cherished your breath, without ever promising it anything.
They reached point zero, he and Ida, and stepped out into blackness. His senses strained to pick out detail in the surroundings. He used neither eyes nor ears but his temporal senses. They brought him indications of workmanship and decay. Evidence of great age and great wisdom assaulted him. An echoing in his spatial equilibrium led him to believe they were standing in a massive cavern. Ida lit a gravity globe, tossing it into the air. It flared like a pocket-sized sun, giving them vision. The Doctor's mouth dropped open. Ida spoke with wonder. She was appropriately moved but the Doctor couldn't help wishing Rose were the one beside him. She would adore seeing this.
Needing to share, he called to her in a melodic voice, “Rose? You can tell Toby we found his civilization.”
“Hey, Toby...” He heard her say with evident delight as she passed along his message.
Ida crunched away, moving purposefully across the rough ground. The Doctor ran a bit to catch up and they strode along with him trailing her as he gawked. He couldn't seem to take it all in. The massive cliff city astounded him. He'd never seen anything like it, though he supposed King Solomon's Mines came close. He looked forward to exploring every nook. There were bridges far overhead and great carved columns at the portals of doors close at hand. Carved beasts glowered down at them as he chided Ida for saying 'there's no turning back.' She really should have known better but she found his irritation taxing. He let it go, motioning her to proceed.
As they approached the power source, a puzzling conversation taking place on their intercoms distracted him from his own observations.
Danny expressed some concern about the Ood. They were staring at him and their telepathic field registered basic 100. 'Brain dead,' the Doctor thought, 'and yet, not.' He privately agreed with Danny. That was creepy. Were the oddly altered Ood dangerous? Could they become dangerous?
“Everything all right up there?” he asked and received a chorus of unconvincing reassurances.
Rose's, “Yeah” sounded particularly strained.
The Doctor fought the urge to turn back, to go to her. It felt like a rushing stream behind his knees. But, ahead of him, in the ground was a massive metal...shield or lid or....
“I've got a nasty feeling the word might be trapdoor,” he said, announcing their find. “Never met a trapdoor I liked.”
They always reminded him of lurking spiders. This one was no exception. He could sense something malevolent and close at hand. If the trapdoor snapped open would he fall into a sticky web, be trapped for all time? What about Rose? Would she be safe up there without him? Surrounded by strangers and odd Ood? He told them about the writing that defied translation and heard Zack ask Toby for help. A garble of voices on the com was followed by Mr. Jefferson ordering someone to “stand down.” A burst of static told him something had gone wrong ten miles up.
“What is it? What's he done?” he called, panic making his tone harsh. “Rose? What's going on?”
Rose didn't respond as far as he could tell but Zack's voice came to him clearly. “Report. Report. Jefferson, Report.”
“Rose? What is it? Rose?” No answer. The rushing stream of anxiety pushing on his knees, against his spine, threatened to overwhelm him. “I'm going back up,” he told Ida, striding away before she could think to voice a protest. As he stalked along, a booming alien voice spoke as if from the airless cavern itself.
“I will walk in the light. My legions will swarm across worlds...”
“Oh, someone's taking his press releases to heart,” the Doctor muttered a second before the ground began to pitch and shudder under him.
He cast a desperate look at the pod as Ida called to him for help. It would be too dangerous to try to get back to the surface in the middle of an earthquake in any case. Turning around, he headed toward Ida who was dodging a hailstorm of boulders. He reached for her arm, hoping to steer her toward shelter but beyond her the trapdoor was opening. It fragmented into pie-sections, each slice retreating into hidden recesses in the chasm wall until there was nothing left of the seal but the decorated rim.
“The pit is open and I am free,” the beast roared as the Doctor and Ida peered over the rim into an apparently bottomless shaft.
'Now, there's an invitation to disaster if ever I saw one,' the Doctor thought but still, as the earth quieted, he stayed and considered it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From the moment Toby first began channeling 'the Beast' until she pulled the trigger on a bolt gun and sent him hurling toward the black sun, Rose Tyler operated on pure instinct. She seemed to be mainlining adrenaline. Casting herself in the Doctor's place, she did what he would do. She planned and executed an escape. Kept people moving, kept as many of them alive as she could. With no time to think about her own losses and fears, she focused admirably. Men with military training and years of deep space experience followed her orders. She organized them to outflank and then defeat the enemy.
Only when it came to leaving did she balk. She couldn't leave the Doctor all alone. He might well be dead. Ida and Zack seemed sure of it. But they didn't know him. Not like she did. She knew he could come back from a fall, cheat death at its own door. He would return to her if he could, if it were remotely possible. She had to believe in that slim possibility because the shriveled icy lump of her heart barely had the strength to keep beating after Ida announced his loss. If it wasn't possible for him to return, if he was truly gone, how could she go on? She couldn't.
But Zack gave her no choice. He captured her. Drugged her. Saved her. But not for long. As the rocket lifted toward space, something went wrong. Zack announced the collapse of the gravity funnel. The rocket lurched. The Doctor's planetary tomb broke orbit, heading for the black hole. Rose held on to her seat as gravity's teeth seized the rocket, worried and shook it. Toby raved and changed and from somewhere deep inside she found the courage to send him to hell. Her bolt shattered the rocket's protective glass, forcing Zack to raise the emergency shields. The shields protected them from frigid suffocation, but the rocket kept on falling. Nothing could break gravity's death grip.
“But we stopped him,” Rose said. “That's what the Doctor would have done.”
“Some victory,” Zack said, “We're going in.”
Numbed by her own heartache, drained by the fight, Rose couldn't even summon sorrow for the others. Her life was over in any case. At least she and the Doctor would be together. She could rest beside him in the belly of the black sun, forever. Too empty to mourn or weep, she simply watched out her porthole window as the impossible planet vanished, comforted only by the knowledge that this unbearable grieving would be brief.
“I'm sorry,” Danny told her, his expression one of complete sincerity.
Rose didn't acknowledge him. She closed her eyes and waited for the end.
'I believe in us,' she thought, knowing it would be her last thought in this life and wanting it to resonate in eternity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“If I believe in one thing...just one...I believe in her,” the Doctor told the immortal remains of the Beast.
He hoped the mind of the great lump, wherever it was, heard him because it took every ounce of faith he possessed to pick up the stone again and bring it smashing down, shattering those urn-like locks to bits. He didn't allow himself to think about consequences, about sending this planet and the rocket carrying Rose to certain doom. Not until the act was done. Rose would be with him in this. He knew she would.
“This is your freedom,” he crowed, taunting the Beast. “Free to die.”
And then he laughed. He felt liberated. No more resisting what he shared with Rose. Maybe they had only seconds to live but their commitment to each other would be absolute. No stifling, archaic belief systems would restrain them. Rassilon's Beliefs. Rassilon's Oath and Vows. The Creed of Rassilon. The Staff and the Robe and the Cornet of Rassilon. The ruddy Tea Cozy of Rassilon. All of it meaningless. All of it gone now, burned away, as the Beast was burning. Logically, the Doctor knew he was lost, too. There was no hope of survival. All he had to hold onto was the slender thread of his true union. But he believed Rose would do something. Something clever...something unexpected. Just like this. Just like he had.
Or they would die together. He could feel the world ending. The planet quaked in its death throes. Before him, the Beast thrashed and fell. Its taut chains sang under the strain. One of them snapped, lashing the walls. Huge hunks of rock broke free, slamming down with crushing force. The Doctor stumbled back. A hiss of steam released from the planet's molten core, sent him flying. He crashed into something solid, a wall. Looking up, he saw the bright blue exterior of his beloved ship.
Ha! Vindication!
Thankful to have transferred his key to a zippered pocket in his spacesuit, he wrenched open the outer door and raced up the ramp toward the console. There wasn't much time, even for a time machine. He calculated his remaining seconds and set coordinates to materialize around Ida. They could scoop her up on the fly but there was no way to rescue the Ood. Rose only had a few moments left. He used their psychic connection to triangulate her position and materialized near her. The TARDIS caught the rocket in a temporal tractor beam, snaring it a heartbeat away from an inevitable singularity. Once the rocket was in tow, the Doctor took a brief time out to steady his nerves as he offset the pull of gravity with the greater pull of eternity. Even black holes collapsed into irrelevance eventually. He simply looped the rocket back to a time when there was no sun in this part of the heavens. But he couldn't rest easy. Despite his people having invented black holes as a tool for time travel the Doctor knew better than to cross them, just like Oppenheimer knew better than to picnic in an atomic blast zone. He wouldn't breathe an unburdened breath until Rose was safely back on the TARDIS.
“Sorry about the hijack, Captain,” he said into the comlink he'd programmed to patch into Zack's ship. “This is the good ship TARDIS. Now, first things first, have you got a Rose Tyler on board?”
“I'm here. It's me,” she yelped gleefully and then he heard her mutter, “Oh, my God.”
He blushed. He really needed to speak to her again about calling him that. Even during sex it embarrassed him. It was almost as bad as 'baby.' But then again, maybe she really was calling on her personal deity. Maybe she was praying. Or giving thanks. Did she feel as thankful hearing his voice as he did hearing hers? He arranged a swap for her, happy to be able to give Zack the good news about Ida.
As soon as the rocket cleared the gravitational pull of the black hole, the TARDIS materialized in the ship's cargo hold. The Doctor carried Ida outside, gently placing her on a pile of blankets. He checked her vital signs but didn't linger over her. Instead, he went back to the console to announce his presence. Within minutes, Rose pushed the outer door open. They stared at one another as time slowed to a standstill. And then they both grinned and rushed forward.
As she reached the top of the ramp, he caught her in his arms, lifting her from her feet. He didn’t twirl her but simply pressed her tight against him. She groaned in satisfaction, breathing him in, and then sighed in delight. Clinging to him, burbling happily, she buried her face in the curve of his throat. He squeezed her and swung her back and forth as he hummed with pleasure. Oh, it felt good to hold her. It felt like coming home.
Since neither of them were able to let go, he guided her down his body until her feet hit floor. She found his mouth with hers as her fingers started unsnapping his collar, tugging at his zippers. Taking the hint, he broke the seal on his gloves and, wrenching out of the kiss, used his teeth to yank them off. His bare hands found her hair, combed through it again and again. He tilted her head back until their mouths met once more. She seized the nape of his neck with one hand, even as her other hand burrowed through layers of protective clothing to tug his shirt free of his suit trouser.
Between deep, wet kisses, he made a series of extravagant promises. “I’ll buy you a house...if you want. Or a boat. Or a starship. Tell me what you'd like. We’ll find a planet somewhere. Rest. Start a family.” Feeling her tense, he smoothly shifted gears. “Or not. There's no rush. I can get a job. As…a…a what?” He'd managed to find his way under her shirt and jacket. His short nails grazed her back. “A politician? Mad scientist? Clerk? Teacher or…no, I really wasn’t very good at that, was I? I know, a postman.” When the idea took hold, he let a bit of light squeeze between them as he searched her face for some sign of approval. “I’ve always wanted to be a postman," he confided with boyish glee. "You get to deliver packages and love letters and relief checks.”
“And bills,” Rose murmured into another kiss. Feeling so weightless the ship might as well have dematerialized beneath her, she leaned back in his arms and gazed up at him. She couldn’t help smiling over his enthusiasm even as she argued with it. “And foreclosure notices.”
“I'll drop those down the sewer gratings," he said, before returning to his original line of thought. Pulling out of the next kiss, he met her eye in serious inquiry. "Don't you want anything? A rose-covered cottage?"
“Can we make love?” she asked, suddenly needing him desperately.
His face lit up. “Oh, yes,” he growled softly, redoubling his efforts to remove his spacesuit. Efforts hampered by his inability to stop kissing her.
Without breaking all contact with her mouth, he managed to wrestle free of yards of orange fabric and his weighted boots. Stripped to his brown suit and bare feet, he swung Rose toward the console and bent her backward over it while simultaneously gliding a hand around her bottom and along her outer thigh. One arm around her waist, the other under her knee, he lifted her up, settling her in a bare spot among the controls. Rose moaned as he licked her throat, nuzzled her ear. But she dipped her shoulder and, laughing, rolled under his arm. He tried to contain her but she had more leverage and gravity on her side. She flowed around him, shimmying downward until her feet found the floor. Ducking out of his embrace, she spun away, panting. One hand to her chest and the other up like a traffic cop stopping vehicles, she held him at bay for a moment while she caught her breath.
“Not...right...this minute,” she gasped.
“Oh,” he said, crestfallen. Sheepishly scratching an ear, he looked away and repeated himself, “Oh. Yes. Of course, I didn't mean to...rush you. I just thought...but...no..." he took a deep breath and released it, "you need a little time to...adjust...to...uhm...”
She beamed at him, skating forward to take his face between her palms and kiss him soundly. When their lips smacked apart, she said, “No. It's not that. I don't need any more time. I just thought...maybe...” She caressed him, stroking his cheek with one hand, while skimming her other down his arm until she could intertwine their fingers. “Could we go somewhere? Somewhere...special?”
His eyes crossed a little as he focused on hers. “Right,” he said on a shaky inhale, “Special. Yes. Certainly. Sure. No black holes or...Beasts...no trouble brewing.” He bobbled his head a few times, and then glanced at the console. A slow smile transformed his bemused visage. “I know just the place.”
“And maybe we should say goodbye to the others.”
He was already setting coordinates. “Others? Oh, Zack...and Ida...and,” Rose stared at him with an infuriating smugness, knowing he'd forgotten the rest of the crew names. Finally, he cut his eyes sideways to avoid her glare and squeaked, “And the...others.”
“Danny,” she prompted, nudging him cheekily, but her smile faded when she added, “Mr. Jefferson didn't make it. Neither did Eris. Or Toby.”
“But we did,” the Doctor reminded her, giving her waist a final squeeze before turning his attention to pilot and navigation duty. As he toggled the comlink to raise Zack, he softly remarked, “We made it.”
END THIS PART
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 04:40 am (UTC)Love your version of these two episodes, and mm, hot kissing. I love Doctor & Rose kisses, they are like, the best kisses ever, I wouldn't doubt it for a second. Even though we didn't have any real on-air D/R kisses, you can tell from every piece of fanfiction that it would have been wondrous.
Okay, done with my crazy fangirl rant. Good chapter! Totally worth the wait. I liked Rose's medical exam, very realistic, it's so cool that you can create a future so totally believable (like the aliens, and the new communities). I love that scene between the Doctor and Rose before he leaves, and I think you did a great job with it here, while still keeping their intimate relationship realistic. :]
I can't wait for the rest! ♥
Glad you liked my version
Date: 2007-01-10 05:00 am (UTC)I feel they both got over those hurdles in The Satan Pit and sort of settled into a life together afterward.
Thank you again for the kind comments. Glad you felt it was worth the wait. And you know what? They are good kissers. ;->
Rae
*clears throat*
Date: 2007-01-10 04:58 am (UTC)YAY! *doing a slightly obscene bit of dancing*
Ah, very much worth the wait, as always. I stayed up a bit too late for my own good just to read this when I saw it up, and I am SO glad I did.
Standing with her hands jammed deep in her pockets, watching the Doctor talk to Zack , Rose realized she’d been phrasing her mantra wrong.
“I believe in us,” she whispered.
Oh, now that's just beautiful. And it really does make sense - the change in their attitudes towards each other in just that one episode. From believing in each other as separate entities to believing in themselves as a whole, as a complete and perfect union. *sighs happily*
And the Doctor blushing when Rose says "Oh, my God." is just too precious. He really is a bit clueless, and I think a bit fearful about the way his people coupled with humans in the past, not wanting his relationship with Rose to mirror those beliefs.
...or maybe I'm just reading too much into that. Sorry, had a nice long philosophical debate about tonight's House and I'm still geared up from that.
But now... oh, now we have Chapter 15... oh yes. I will be waiting with my finger on the "Post" button.
~Kat
who shall indeed have very good dreams tonight!
Hee...glad to see you dancing about in glee!
Date: 2007-01-10 06:15 am (UTC)On the other hand...he is going to run up against this idea again in Doomsday...do his emotions destroy him as the Cyberleader insinuated? Losing Rose certainly has given him a harder edge. Of course, in this chapter we see that the Doctor and Rose don't need to be in close proximity to work as a unit with the same purpose. It must be very liberating for him to know he can trust her to such an extent.
Thanks for the feedback. Hope I really did give you good dreams.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 04:59 am (UTC)I'm so behind on my fic reading and reviewing. I swear I'll read/review this and the other one later this week.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 05:12 am (UTC)I hope you don't mind that I've friended you. I am really, really, really enjoying this story.
Ah...a Satan Pit fan
Date: 2007-01-10 06:19 am (UTC)I am happy I was able to do the episodes justice in your mind. Thanks so much for letting me know. And, by all means, friend me. I'm thrilled you would want to keep tabs on me and I'm delighted that you really, really, really are enjoying the story.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 05:23 am (UTC)That's almost as good as "via the void". ^_^
Love it, as usual. Thank you. :)
:snort: Yeah, Aibhinn was all..."this rhymes"
Date: 2007-01-10 06:21 am (UTC)Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 05:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 06:28 am (UTC)Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 05:42 am (UTC)By the way, do you mind if I friend you?
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 06:32 am (UTC)I am smiling from ear to ear over the idea of you stopping whatever you're doing to read my fic. I imagine you in traffic...there is a squeal of tires as vehicles pile up behind you. You say, "Totally worth it." LOL
It is true...soon to be over. But hopefully, I will have another new story for you. Maybe not this long and involved though. Thank you again for the sweet feedback.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 06:21 am (UTC)*falls to pieces*
It's obvious you love these characters so much. You take such care with them, from every little description of the Doctor's mannerisms, to capturing perfectly the too-big feeling that is More Than Love (but really is love). And it feels like their relationship almost has a life of its own...you treat it as something remarkable and so very, very vital and real. Something to be cherished.
And part of the way you take care of your characters is to build them a world to live in. You've put in all the detail necessary to make their environment (physical and otherwise) feel true and consistent, yet I never feel overburdened by having to wade through too much description.
Which, speaking of treading fine lines and doing it well, I admire how you can write such utterly romantic fic without it ever being trite or over-the-top. That takes a deft hand and I'd stand right up and applaud you now, except that it's half past midnight and my roommates would be really pissed at me.
I'm babbling. Really all I want to do is sigh happily and read this whole chapter again. It's gorgeously written, as they all have been. THANK YOU.
It's true...I dote on them both
Date: 2007-01-10 07:26 pm (UTC)So, yeah...I try to give both the Doctor and Rose their flaws and their strengths and I like to bring them to you as close to the originals as I can manage while still telling my schmoopy stories. There's no doubt I'm a drippy romantic but things like emotional confusion and pain are part of love. For me, the important thing is that a character move forward courageously in love. We have so many media role models of snarking and denial...but most of us move forward and just endure our fears and insecurities. After a time, I always lose my respect for the typical TV UST couple. "For GOD'S SAKE...just kiss her, you weinie!" I say.
Anyway, I'm glad, for you, I walk the fine line between utterly romantic and trite. Thank you for your babbling feedback. It warms me up inside like a mug of hot cocoa.
Rae
So...I'm transferring important documents...
From:(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 06:47 am (UTC)Meep? C'mon, usually when someone asks the question she did, they don't mean "later on, or possibly tomorrow" ;).
Fun as usual!
You are quite right, Platypus
Date: 2007-01-10 07:15 pm (UTC)After all they are in the cargo hold of a ship and if they don't say goodbye people might come knocking. Also...having just escaped certain death, Rose might feel a little vulnerable getting naked on the floor. Like maybe the Beast was still watching them.
Thanks for reading and commenting. Smooches for your...uhm...rat?
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 07:42 am (UTC)*gurgles*
thank you and goodnight! :D
Awww...I kept you up past your bedtime.
Date: 2007-01-10 01:41 pm (UTC):pats your head:
Thanks for taking a moment to share your jubilation with me. I appreciate the gurgle.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 08:43 am (UTC)Huzzah for an update - this was beautiful - a lovely re-writing of the 2 parter with passion, humour and sadness. Lovely, lovely stuff ;-D
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 04:49 am (UTC)BTW, is that Rose squeezing the Pooh in your icon or someone else? Can't quite tell because of the angle of her face...looks a little Buffyesque to me.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 11:52 am (UTC)There's so much material out there about the Time Lords and how the Doctor's attitudes would have been shaped by them - it's a real achievement to sift through all that and develop his inner conflict so beautifully. Also I love the way you reference the old movie feel of their goodbye kiss - I feel that vibe is very present throughout that whole episode, the feeling of outwardly chaste, but inwardly passionate love, all sharpened by the presence of great danger, is what gives many old war movies, particularly English ones, their emotional power.
I could go on and on about bits I liked, but in the end I loved it all, and that is how it should be. And I applaud your courage for writing it the way you do. I'm sure the emotional cost is enormous at times.
I'm tickled to hear you liked Eris
Date: 2007-01-11 04:04 am (UTC)As for the Time Lords...one thing I try never to forget is that while he is very proud of being a Time Lord and he definitely loves his homeworld...the Doctor did not fit in well on Gallifrey. He was a misfit, an outsider, a troublemaker all his life. One of my favorite old school lines about him has to do with the Time Lord's not meddling. Someone says, "Time Lords, they have a reputation of non-interference." And then...the Master...the Rani...someone...says, "This one's called the Doctor and he doesn't nothing BUT interfer."
He's been exiled twice and run away three times and he's consider irresponsible and juvenile and dangerous and, yes, a little ridiculous by his peers. He loves humans...and they aren't well loved in the universe...and Rose is so very human it hurts.
Anyway, thanks for your lovely feedback. I'm so happy you feel I did the characters and the episodes proud. I do love the Doctor and Rose and I throw myself into their emotional lives. So, it's nice to get some appreciative feedback. Especially, when a chapter kicked my butt like this one did. Thanks.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 01:33 pm (UTC)Thank you. How sweet!
Date: 2007-01-10 01:39 pm (UTC)Also, if I may say...you're Doctor in need of a bathroom icon is very cute. Yes, I know...he's just excited but he looks like he has to go piddle.
Thanks for the feedback. Happy to have done you proud.
Rae
Re: Thank you. How sweet!
From:Yes, I have seen TRB
From:Oh, Rae. You rock my world. ^^;
Date: 2007-01-10 02:25 pm (UTC)hooray for a new chapter! hooray for Doctor/Rose kisses!
you've captured these two episodes wonderfully. honestly, they weren't my favorites, but you've thrust them into a new light. I don't normally enjoy fanfic, but yours is an amazing, pleasurable, exception.
hooray!
I am thrilled to be your fanfic exception
Date: 2007-01-10 07:03 pm (UTC);-D
Now, then...kisses...yes, they are fun to write. Not as fun as seeing them onscreen...that would be more fun...definitely. But still, I take Doctor/Rose kisses where I can get them.
I am interested now on which episode WAS your favorite? School Reunion? Fear, Her? I have to say I loved these two episodes...mostly because RTD via Matt Jones got that whole "we are a couple" message out...without ever saying the words. I thought that very clever. And I thought there were definite echoes to what life would be like for the pair of them when they were finally separated. They would still be connected to one another.
Again, thank you for making my fic your exception to the rule. I'm very glad to hear you are happy with the chapter.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 05:53 pm (UTC)Pets your dog
Date: 2007-01-10 07:05 pm (UTC):->
Looking forward to hearing something beyond the squee about the chapter. Though the squee was very nice indeedy.
Rae
Re: Pets your dog
From:Nothing wrong with crazy
From:Re: Nothing wrong with crazy
From:(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 08:58 pm (UTC)TSP really is my favorite episode. So this is just... love.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 03:30 am (UTC)Thanks for the feedback. They're my favorite episodes, too.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 10:44 pm (UTC)I had an exhausting day at work and came home in a grumpy mood, all ready to fling myself on the sofa, eat microwave popcorn, and watch mindless TV when I decided on a lark to check my flist and saw this. Rae, you made me whole day better. I'm thrilled that you decided after all to get into the details of TSP after you said a while back that you might not. It is (with TIP) the turning point in the Doctor and Rose's relationship, just as you've illustrated so well here. They GOT IT in these two, that they are really meant to be together and it doesn't matter about the rest of the universe.
I liked Rose's comment to Eris here that the Doctor is in love with everyone (which he undoubtedly is) but that it doesn't matter, that it's an INclusive love, not an EXclusive love. The way he feels about others doesn't minimize or change the way he loves Rose. You showed so beautifully that Rose finally understands this. There's no need for jealousy in any way with him.
He's also clueless, which you also showed brilliantly. :)
Thanks, I'll ease off the popcorn and maybe do something constructive tonight. You're brilliant and I'm looking forward to the next installment.
:dips you in the middle of your happy dance:
Date: 2007-01-11 03:42 am (UTC):makes you a cup of hot tea:
Now...let me say I totally agree with you...these two episodes are where the Doctor and Rose "got it" about their coupledom. They realized it was meant to be and...well...it wasn't like they'd been FIGHTING it...but they stopped pretending they were "just friends." I wanted to show them both coming to the same conclusion in my fic...show them learning to believe in and rely on each other.
The Doctor...just by necessity is going to be rather clueless about women. He isn't used to thinking of his companions as sexual beings and his culture doesn't, as far as we know, allow for interpersonal relationships. So, this is all taboo for him and yet, he instinctively knows what to do. I think his drawing on instinct is part of what puts Rose on guard, though. It's like she tells Eris...maybe it's all just biology and not love.
I definitely feel the Doctor loves everyone. I think in canon we can see it clearly. I think we must also look at the other side of him in canon...how he turns on people without a qualm...like he turned on Harriet Jones after being so very delighted with her. Like he says after Reinette dies..."I'm always okay." But the reason he's always been okay is he's never invested his soul before Rose. He's always known...as became clear in School Reunion that what happened in GitF is bound to happen. But with Rose...he dares to dream of forever...and he also dares to simply enjoy what he has with her...better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, as it were.
From that final hug in TSP to the last second of her hold on the lever in Doomsday, I think the Doctor loved Rose as completely as he could. You only have to look at his face as Rose says, "Buy her bazoolium and she doesn't even care" or when he's standing beside her at the kitchen door...or when he goes on about Alonzo...that he's completely dotty over her.
Thanks for the feedback...I really, truly appreciate it. And hopefully you have tapered off the popcorn. I will try to get the next part to your quicker than this one.
Rae
Re: :dips you in the middle of your happy dance:
From:While I don't believe we have proof of this...
From:(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 10:49 pm (UTC)I'm sure I've said that TIP/TSP are my favourite episodes and I think this chapter is probably my favourite so far of Dishevelled. I know it's been a difficult birth for you, but oh was it worth it! The colour and layers you added to this episode were just perfect... Eris, the idea of the Doctor being a threat to her, the Doctor's thoughts down in the pit, the way they came to identical resolutions and of course, that LOVELY kiss. It all felt real and I could readily believe that these moments were almost out-takes from the episode. Of course, now I'm impatient for the next chapter. I just hope it doesn't give you as much of a headache as this one did. :)
It seems I keep commenting on this comment
Date: 2007-01-11 04:46 am (UTC)So, you see...your hair is a victim of circumstance and geography. As for your compulsion...well...my betas will tell you I am compelled to post...often without benefit of their additional input...which in every case would have made the fic better...but I just post when the mood hits me. ;->
I'm so happy to see the true fans of TIP/TSP are comfortable with this chapter. It was very hard for me to complete because I, too, adore these two episodes. I didn't want to just recap...I wanted to add, as you put it, color and layers to what we saw in the episodes. I tend to think of my treatment as a "director's cut"...because if I were RTD I would have created a S2 full of kisses and then put them all on the DVD under an "adults only" easter egg feature. :->
Thanks for the lovely feedback...and yeppers, here's hoping I don't have nearly as much trouble with the next part. It's all me so I should be okay with it. The next tall order will be Doomsday...chapter 16.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 10:52 pm (UTC)I post late...it's very bad of me
Date: 2007-01-11 01:59 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for telling me.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 04:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 04:38 am (UTC)And, I hope for more soon, too.
Rae
ever hopeful when I am looking at mostly blank pages.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 04:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 06:34 am (UTC)Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 06:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 06:33 am (UTC):hee:
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-12 03:26 am (UTC)I really liked how Rose and the Doctor pondered each other throughout TIP/TSP--2 eps I enjoy immensely. I suppose it's the Doctor's genetic background that wants and has no fear of all the emotional attachment but somehow fears promises. And yet, these two certainly don't need any sort of promises. I'd think their bond or true companion status makes a promise obsolete.
BTW, I loved how you had the Doctor triangulate Rose's position through their bond. It makes me wonder what happens when Rose gets stuck in the other universe after Doomsday. I'd imagine it would impossible to sense one another across the void. Though, does Rose have the ability to sense the Doctor as he senses her?
Glad you enjoyed the chapter...now...let's see...
Date: 2007-01-12 03:56 am (UTC)You know...part of me regrets killing Eris. I should have let her make it to the crew quarters of that rocket. But I do think most of the extended, expendable crew was killed by the Ood and then...if Eris made it...Rose would have wanted to say goodbye to her.
As for the Doctor triangulating Rose...I like to think that their bond is canon. After all, she appears to feel him and puts her hand to the wall just as he puts his hand to it...and she knows when he leaves the wall, too. And then later, he calls to her via a psychic link. And...such a link is foreshadowed in Army of Ghosts when the Doctor tells Jackie that her wishing people into existence is "like a psychic link: the more you want it the strong it becomes"...I like to think he REALLY wanted to touch Rose in the void...and that gave his psychic calling power.
Also, I'm glad to see you enojoyed the inner turmoil. That is it exactly, the Doctor is working to overcome his cultural mores and he doesn't really get the concept of promises (notice how he is always promising to do things he can't do?) But he and Rose don't need promises or vows...they have this true bond and it isn't something they need to affirm. This, I feel, is why he doesn't tell Ida to tell Rose anything...because Rose already knows...just as he knows she loves him.
Rae
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-12 05:19 am (UTC)I keep re-reading this chapter. It just...grabs a hold of me and I can't stop! One thing that utterly amazes me is how I can actually *see* everything that happens here. And I don't mean the parts that were actually filmed, but everything, especially the reunion between the Doctor and Rose. You describe their actions and feelings so incredibly, that I see it in my mind, as vividly as if ol' Rusty himself had filmed it or I was actually there in the room with them. God, that's a hell of a gift you have, woman.
Ack...there you are...at the end of the comment list
Date: 2007-01-14 03:40 am (UTC)You keep re-reading...because you've been grabbed hold of...hmmmmm...I will speak to the Chapter firmly. I will remind it that it is not a St. Bernard rescuing someone in the Alps. ;-> However, I am excited to hear that you were able to *see* everything happening. This is always my goal in writing...to give the reader a sense of watching an episode in their head. Sometimes my style drives my beta babes crazy...because I am out here with a camera and giving you inner commentary and everything...but the overall effect hopefully is that 'you are there' feeling.
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me such wonderful remarks. I am always happy to see you happy with my offering. I am grinning just like Ten is grinning in your icon.
Rae
Where the heck does the time go??
From:Once again, a lovely chapter
Date: 2007-01-15 01:34 am (UTC)I also thought it was quite interesting -- and actually kind of jarring, but in a good way -- that Eris had such a negative reaction to the idea of the Doctor not being human. It reminds us that the Torchwood Archive is still Torchwood, and also suggests that Rose can't ever be truly frank about her life with the Doctor with anybody. She compartmentalizes, talking about sightseeing to Mickey and relationships with Eris, always reframing the situation in human terms. But she can never tell anyone the whole story.
I did wonder, though: there's the sentence "Rose craved convergence, that level of complete satisfaction only her Doctor could give her." I thought, based on the words Rose and the Doctor had when he told her she was pregnant, that by "convergence" was meant actual fertilization. Is this not so?
You should be a beta-babe, np-c!
Date: 2007-01-15 03:27 am (UTC)Meanwhile, yes, I wanted you to be jarred by Eris taking a stand against the alien. If you notice, whenever the Doctor talks about humans like he's not one...Ida gets an odd look on her face. You can see it when he's hugging Zack and later when they are discussing that tiny little voice. I felt it was very interesting in Runaway Bride when the Doctor said being human was "optional" for him. This takes care of that whole "half-human on my mother's side" business in much the way I take care of it in Disheveled.
And it ties in with what we know to be true of Gallifreyans, most of then have control over their regenerative abilities. Romana takes on some alien seeming options before becoming Lala Ward. And Nine says he might have two heads or no head...which definitely doesn't sound like your average human.
You are quite right about Rose not being able to be frank about her relationship with the Doctor and I think that is what she is struggling with...she knows her heart but she would have to give up so much to be with him...she would never have a stable home, she would probably die horribly and she can never share her marital woes with anyone else. "He's changed" takes on a whole new meaning above and beyond the seven year itch. So, yes, she shares by compartmentalizing...but also...Jackie is quite right when she worries what will happen to Rose after she's gone. Because Rose will lose that touchstone of her mother and could lose touch with who she was before she met the Doctor.
On the other hand...I happen to agree with Rose when she says she's changed "for the better"...she's smarter, more capable and just happier than she ever was at home. It broke my heart when she says things like...she used to do what people told her because she had nothing else in life...or...nothing ever happened...ever. Rose Tyler belonged in the stars not stuck in some backwater working in a shop and having Mickey Smith's babies. Sheesh!
Anyway...enough ranting. I'm still hard at work on Chapter 15. But I'm happy to see you liked 14. And look at you all out in the open with the LJ-ownership. You are no longer anonymous. Thanks for the compliments and the bit of beta work.
Rae
It occurred to me later ...
From:Yeah, she probably could talk to him
From: