Cock of the Walk

[rabid1st]

So...lunakornkid spoke out against the euphemistic "spilling of seed" so common in today's romance novels and fanfics. And this got me to open up Slang and Euphemism my dictionary of the dirty words...and find alternatives to please her exacting standards.



METTLE, MILK, JIS (JIZZ), JUICE, COME (CUM), EFFUSION, PULSE, LIQUOUR, MELT, SPEW, SPENDINGS and...okay...the worst in my opinion is a tie...between BABY BATTER and MAN OIL.



This, in turn, led to someone mentioning the alabaster love handle...which brings me to this posting about my own pornish pet peeve.



It is the word COCK. See, I like the word. It has strutting power. I like the literal representation of the word. What I don't like is all those hard K sounds if you get too repetitive with them. A man can thrust into pulsating clefts with a cock. A woman can take a cock to the hilt. There can even be loving caresses of an exquisitely formed cock. But too much of a good thing can literally love hammer the reader's ear to a quivering jelly. And so...allow me to put forward the following substitutions: SHAFT, MEMBER, YARD, STAFF, ROD, MUSCLE, MENTULA, ORGAN, DICK, PRICK,(both big on the hard K but at least not 2 at once), BONE, WOOD, HARDON, PHALLUS and SEX...but not...most DEFINITELY NOT...

FOAMING BEEF PROBE!

Because...EWWWW!

And doesn't that sound like something EMERIL might whip out one night on the Food Network?

And again...EWWWW!

Comments

[sunlit5.livejournal.com]

heehehee

I have a list in my memories of all the different terms for male and female gentilia.

Makes me laugh everytime I see it.



Sun

[keswindhover.livejournal.com]

But too much of a good thing can literally love hammer the reader's ear to a quivering jelly.

LOL. So true, and yet there are so few appropriate words. It's a dilemma. The solution is to write femmeslash of course.

[missmurchison.livejournal.com]

*waits patiently for the femslash*

[tom-salinoan.livejournal.com]

*g*

Me too.