A Thing Of Beauty

[rabid1st]

Three stories caught my eye today on Yahoo's Good Morning, America feed. The first one was the story of the British woman who claimed that being pretty like her is a burden, because people judge her from her exterior. People then flooded her Twitter account to assure her that they disliked her because she was the sort of stuck up bint who thinks she's prettier than anyone else. And by the way, they further asserted, she isn't pretty at all and should buy a mirror.

http://gma.yahoo.com/video/fashionbeauty-26594250/woman-s-complaints-about-her-beauty-enrage-web-28843257.html

Unfortunately, the h8trs rather proved her point by attacking her so vehemently. They hated her for her extreme self confidence, some say narcissism, regarding those looks, but they gave no credence to her claims of being treated differently. Her crime, in my opinion, is that she shattered their fantasy by expressing a personality they didn't find very attractive. We expect pretty people to be humble, kind and sweet-tempered, too. Men expect such women to adore them, keep house or raise beautiful, peaceful children and love sex. But this woman's point was her internal attitudes aren't readily apparent to a viewer and so, on that point, she scores. When we find people beautiful we endow them with the fantasy personality we admire most, in addition to their physical attributes. Their greater beauty is in our mind. They are fantasy objects until we truly get to know them better, but too many of us fail to account for our own prejudices toward beauty.

I have seen this pretty woman. And while, beauty-wise, she isn't in the same category as Jenna Talackova, I do not doubt her stories. I am sure that many men feel she is the prettiest girl in the room (or express that opinion to her) and that they knock each other down trying to be extra nice to her. I'm sure that she HAS gotten perks for her looks, like cab fare or bottles of champagne from strangers. And I'm also sure that some other women have been jealous of the attention she receives. But apparently, nobody likes her expressing these facts, because she is expected to remain modest in the face of such adoration. And it is unfair to expect that of her. She is unfairly graced in form and figure. She has very little to do with how she looks or how those looks are viewed in our society. Because of those looks she is probably unfairly singled out for special treats and for ire. And I believe that is because the men in question (and the women) assume things about her personality based on her face and figure. Instead of hating her because she points this out, we would be better served in studying the belief systems we have that allow us to assume inner beauty or inner wickedness based on the degree of outer beauty strangers possess. Look to the Mitt Romney in your bosom, is what I say!

The second story was about the transgender Miss Universe contestant from Canada, Jenna Talackova, a true, albeit surgically enhanced, stunner. Donald Trump has allowed that she can compete as long as she passes the Canadian criteria for gender. That is...I assume...that she has all of her lady parts and hormones.

http://gma.yahoo.com/video/fashionbeauty-26594250/transgender-miss-universe-back-in-competition-28830535.html

Again, they are not interested in how she feels INSIDE...not for the purposes of this competition...which is about awarding the exterior only. And that point was carried through beautifully by The Donald's response to Jenna Talackova concerns for other transgender folks worldwide, being denied their identity. He said, this, "I think Jenna should focus on running up in Canada, seeing how she does in Canada. And then, if she does well, she has a chance to become what many, many young women all around the world want to be and that's Miss Universe. That should be her focus." Yes, yes, little lady. You wanted to be female. Time to face the consequences of that choice. None of the powerful men care about your issues or opinions. You just focus on being competitively beautiful. You've won your little legal battle (but only because they decided it isn't worth fighting you on it, otherwise they would have won easily if they had opposed you) now shut up about equality and focus on looking beautiful. Because all we really want to know about you is "are they real" and "how do they look in bed a bikini."

And the final story...le sigh...is about shoes. Yes, that's right! We are all girls here...now that I've ranted so long about women's issues. And speaking of things of beauty, check out some of these heels.

http://gma.yahoo.com/video/fashionbeauty-26594250/shoe-addicts-obsession-revealed-in-documentary-28831337.html

In all seriousness, I don't have a shoe fetish myself. But even my modest collection of about 20 pair is considered excessive by my other half, who owns 3 pair: gym shoes, casual shoes, dress shoes. I waffle between two pair of casual shoes for the most part, but I do have other dress shoes and boots and such for those rare times when we go out. So, I am a woman. Perhaps that's what Donald Trump meant by "passes the requirements to be female under Canadian law"...they ask her how many pairs of shoes she has.

Comments

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

What bothers me about attractiveness discussions is less the silencing of pretty women, but the silencing (and hence shaming) of acknowledgment of non-prettiness.

As ani difranco says, I am not a pretty girl. I am not physically beautiful. And I hate that physical beauty has become (or perhaps always has been) such the sine qua non of female identity and self-esteem that I can't say that without people who've never seen me arguing with me.

What should be so shameful about saying, listen, I've never been the prettiest, I've never gotten the perks that come with being pretty, nobody sees me that way? Why should I have to be silent about the reality of my physical attractiveness any more than Pretty Twitterer should?

And honestly, I'm not jealous of the drinks and the insincere compliments. I'm sure attractive women have to deal with a lot of interpersonal bullshit that I don't. I AM somewhat resentful of how physical attractiveness is so required of women for JOBS that have little to do with physical attractiveness. Women are hired, promoted, and remunerated according to their appearance in ways that men are not. (Indeed, thinness is rewarded as well; the gender pay gap is higher for heavier women, and less for underweight women.)

They used to say politics was show business for ugly people, but can that really apply to women? Have we ever seen high-ranking women who are similarly unattractive as John Boener, Mitch McConnell, or Henry Waxman? Look at the vitriol that is aimed at Michelle Obama, a strong, elegant woman. (Yes, a lot of that is because she's a Democratic president's wife, and a lot of it is because she's black... but a lot of it is just being a woman.)

I am not a pretty girl. And I shouldn't have to convince myself I am in order to have self-esteem. Men can call themselves all kinds of pejoratives without anyone staging an intervention. Why can't we?

[rabid1st.livejournal.com]

I think the pay inequality occurs for much the same reason: the person hiring is enthralled by the beauty of a person into believing in competence that doesn't truly exist.

And, of course, the inverse is also true, that failing to enthrall or impress with beauty means you don't get to be objectified with higher wages or compliments or clothes that fit properly. I mean, if it is truly market demand that drives industries, they would be making attractive clothing in size 18 and above to fit all of those millions of women that fall into that category. But that would require the fashion industry to step outside their fantasy world bubble.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

I remember hearing from a woman I know about a hiring committee of men and women interviewing two women for a job. Both were well qualified, but the woman who was obese was exceptionally well qualified. The other women was beautiful.

The men outnumbered the women on the committee, and the men all voted to give the job to the beautiful one. One of the women on the committee was so angry she went to the better qualified applicant and told her what had happened. The applicant was not at all surprised.

And this is just one local story, told to me.


Clothes-makers probably assume -- and they may be right -- that thin hourglass women, as a group, shop more than fluffy apple or pear-shaped women. Of course, that's kind of a self-fulfilling belief, because people will give up on any project if it is sufficiently futile. It's slightly better than it used to be? But it's still more expensive. Seriously, I remember going shopping with my brother once. He's slender and male. He spent about $12 and got two pairs of pants and a sweater. (New.) I was fluffy and female. I spent $50+ on one pair of jeans.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

P.S. -- And that's another thing: nobody cares about people who don't or can't buy stuff. And I don't just mean the people selling clothes; I mean the news and the culture.

[mrs_roy.livejournal.com]

Oh my stars. Really? I don't consider myself attractive, but in my husband's eyes, I am the epitome of beauty. I'll be the first to admit that there will be people out there who object, probably even fiercely to his claims. Unfortunately, it's the nature of society. Personally, I would not class her as pretty.

I suppose I just want to make the point that we all face criticism in life, be it from ourselves or others. I don't respect this woman for sharing her story, I respect those with disfigurements who are able to walk past the whispers with their heads held high. They should tell themselves that they are beautiful more often. They should have the right to exclaim that it is a burden. Because I live with it every day, and it is. It is a burden.

I tend to think the negativity is due, in part, to ignorance.

[rabid1st.livejournal.com]

The whisperers are always in line for rant from me. I know a particular woman who is one of those people. She always, loudly, proclaims what she thinks are good ideas and are actually offensive remarks. Steering away from any of her complaints about the physical attributes of others, she often tells us all that she "won't eat anything from someone else's house, because I don't trust their cleanliness." This before any party where we are all bringing stuff. Now, I also have a bit of a phobia about eating food that comes from God knows where. Though I never express my fears aloud, because I don't blame others for my particular hang-ups and I understand that it is weird of me to wonder if the food has been left out too long or licked by a dog or something. Yes, potluck dinners are a germy menance...fear them!

As for anything that a person cannot help such as disfigurement or race to me those things are beyond consideration for comment. What good could it possibly do to whisper about someone being black, for example. But in addition, things that have to do with how a person looks are often a very personal matter of conflicting tastes. I hate those baggy pants that show someone's underwear or behind or both. But then, I don't imagine they are dressing to impress me. And I recognize that they are pursuing an acceptable fashion. But Miss Chatty above doesn't like spiky blue hair or tattoos or short skirts or piercings. And we have one girl that comes in with all of those "failings" and fishnet stockings and combat boots besides. Is she beautiful? I suppose she is to herself and that's all that matters in the end.

[keswindhover.livejournal.com]

There's an extra aspect to the articles by Samantha Brick in that they are published in the Daily Mail, which is a women-hating paper which is nonetheless written for women. Which makes the editor of the Daily Mail a troll, in my opinion.

The backlash has been very ugly as well, though. It's another thing we have an internet term for - ie dogpiling.

p.s. SB has form. This is truly repulsive article by her:

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/262929/Secrets-of-a-real-life-horrible-boss

Much worse than being convinced that her looks work against her, frankly.

[rabid1st.livejournal.com]

I don't know! Reading the article you linked, still I am struck by her honesty about her worldview. I think we do a horrid disservice to everyone when we don't allow people to express what they really feel in some format. Now, sure, that then leads to other people saying how horrible this woman is and how her distorted worldview might have ruined someone's life. But I am afraid that I do see people behaving this way without realizing (or at least admitting) that they feel small and helpless and that they are exactly what they used to dread.

So, while I do think that there is some use for the public shaming of those who have anti-social attitudes, I am more impressed by the people who admit their inner feelings and face the shunning. Or, as I often say, nobody wants an honest relationship with anyone else...because nobody really wants to shatter the veneer of civilization that allows us all to function day to day.