Queers in Space
May. 5th, 2004 12:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rabid1stGo back and read that title again...and this time...do it with the Pigs in Space credit voice-over from the Muppet Show.
Fun, huh?
I hear NASA is looking...looking...looking...for a way to stop astronauts on long journeys from reproducing. "Birth in space would be really messy," One high ranking official exclaimed. "There's no way to clean up after, the epidural is a bitch to administer in such tight quarters and they don't even make maternity space suits."
Plus in space no one can hear you scream...which means a woman could be in labor for hours before her space-walking husband even noticed (really not THAT much different from life here on Earth).
Anyway, it would be horrific...and so in their infinite wisdom...the good folks at NASA have suggested neutering the astronauts prior to the mission...to avoid any little contretemps showing up and asking for dental coverage from the taxpayers.
Now...don't get me wrong...I'm all for neutering astronauts. If we don't do it there will be a population explosion and we will be forced to thin the herd of people named BUZZ or SKIP. However, I am troubled by the best minds in our country (these ARE rocket scientists after all) coming up with the neutering angle as the last line of defense against unwanted pregnancy. I tell you, this is what comes of teaching only abstinence in the schools.
First Scientist: Maybe they can just abstain.
Second Scientist: Or...Neutering!
First Scientist: HEY!
Rabid: Or...I don't know...two people of the same sex in the space pod?
First Scientist: Don't ask.
Second Scientist: Don't tell.
Are we that homophobic? We would rather neuter our heroes than put Skip and Buzz (or Grace and Wilma) and plenty of lube in the capsule and give them a couple hours on the dark side of the moon every so often? Save the taxpayers some trouble...hire gay astronauts. Problem solved...but then...it's not rocket science!
Rae
just giddy that I am the subject of a bidding war...come on, KES...Go $20.00...What is that in British Sterling...1.50? BID ON RABID
Fun, huh?
I hear NASA is looking...looking...looking...for a way to stop astronauts on long journeys from reproducing. "Birth in space would be really messy," One high ranking official exclaimed. "There's no way to clean up after, the epidural is a bitch to administer in such tight quarters and they don't even make maternity space suits."
Plus in space no one can hear you scream...which means a woman could be in labor for hours before her space-walking husband even noticed (really not THAT much different from life here on Earth).
Anyway, it would be horrific...and so in their infinite wisdom...the good folks at NASA have suggested neutering the astronauts prior to the mission...to avoid any little contretemps showing up and asking for dental coverage from the taxpayers.
Now...don't get me wrong...I'm all for neutering astronauts. If we don't do it there will be a population explosion and we will be forced to thin the herd of people named BUZZ or SKIP. However, I am troubled by the best minds in our country (these ARE rocket scientists after all) coming up with the neutering angle as the last line of defense against unwanted pregnancy. I tell you, this is what comes of teaching only abstinence in the schools.
First Scientist: Maybe they can just abstain.
Second Scientist: Or...Neutering!
First Scientist: HEY!
Rabid: Or...I don't know...two people of the same sex in the space pod?
First Scientist: Don't ask.
Second Scientist: Don't tell.
Are we that homophobic? We would rather neuter our heroes than put Skip and Buzz (or Grace and Wilma) and plenty of lube in the capsule and give them a couple hours on the dark side of the moon every so often? Save the taxpayers some trouble...hire gay astronauts. Problem solved...but then...it's not rocket science!
Rae
just giddy that I am the subject of a bidding war...come on, KES...Go $20.00...What is that in British Sterling...1.50? BID ON RABID
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-05 02:13 am (UTC)*flashes her pounds sterling in an offensive manner*
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-05 01:07 pm (UTC)I'd bid on you, but it would be to ask you to write something I know you don't want to write (smutty Tara/FemSpike), so I'm holding off until I can think of something else. But at this rate we can stamp a Union Jack on your bum and send you off to the mother country.
(I'm Australian, btw, not British, so I don't get the favourable exchange rate. Just the funny spelling.)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-05 04:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-05-08 01:12 am (UTC)If they're so worried about pregnancies in space, they should make it where missions aren't co-ed whether or not they're gay or straight.
They should just set the applicants down and tell them "Now the missions are only going to have all men or all women and if you can't deal with any interruptions to your sex life then tell me in my office later and we'll try to assign you to something on the ground." Now see that way , they get to keep their "don't ask, don't tell" policy and get applicants who are willing to 'self-serve' or can look at their other crew members as potential romantic interests.
Or they should try to find anyone who will say this line from Stripes and mean it " We aren't homosexual but are willing to learn!"