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A Sad Pattern
The unexamined life might not be worth living, but the examined life is rather depressing in its sad patterns.
A reader,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ladycat713 , asked me if I ever wrote anything more on my Buffy/Spike story The Sweet Spot AU. This story was very rich and promising, much like my BSG story Minotaur or Like Gum On Your Shoe, from the Doctor/Rose fandom. All of these stories were abandoned because I simply lost the thrill I'd taken in their respective shows. Also, none of them were particularly close to their end. They were just starting out when the ax fell on their fandoms for me.
I have always had trouble stretching my credulity around fanfiction. For example, some people can write whatever they like...Buffy is an English Teacher and Angel is an inner city cop with magical powers...and make it work for them in fiction. But to me, I have to believe that the characters I see on the show could in some way be the ones in my fic. So, if the Doctor doesn't appear to love Martha, I can't invest my time and energy in creating a story dependent on him loving her. If Buffy turns out to be a childish loser, I don't want her to be with Spike anymore, so I find the Spuffy has no magic for me.
This is why I can't write (or read) a lot of slash pairings, because I can't bring myself to imagine a world where they might happen. Well, I could, but it wouldn't be the same world where the show happens. Of course, I can put together a world where the Doctor loves Martha, but I wouldn't be able to work in the show as it aired. I would have to say, let's pretend there is an alternate Doctor Who, one I wouldn't watch and...now, convince me to watch it. Some writers probably could convince me, but it would be a very hard thing for them to do. On the other hand, Wincest, which doesn't particularly turn me on and would, in reality, be abhorrent to me, is still, in my view, certainly a possibility in the world of Supernatural. So, I could write it or read it and feel I was enjoying the show in an alternative form.
But, back to what my pattern of dropping fic says about me. Basically, it says that I want to enjoy the work. I love to write, but it is a life-consuming task (it literally leaves me drained) and I want to be able to fully believe in what I'm writing. If I lose that edge of excitement, that love of the show (its characters; its world), I lose my drive to finish.
And I think this may also affect my original writing. I have the makings of about six novels on my computer. I return to these stories over and over again, but I find that I can't sustain a passion for any of them that rivals my passion for...let's say...Ten/Rose. I think, for me, the secret of my fanfiction success lies in my passion for a particular story or coupling. Once the passion is gone, the thrill of it all is over and I seldom finish those stories. So, far, my original worlds are not as compelling to me as the ones I see on TV. I suppose I should spend more time in my original worlds. And hope that I can sustain my interest in them.
Finishing Disheveled, was in some ways, pure luck, because I firmly believed that Rose was coming back after Doomsday. If I hadn't finished before Journey's End, I am sure Disheveled would have languished in the same way that my BTVS epic Ichnobate did. Ichnobate was almost finished. I had maybe four or five chapters to go on it...and those were the best chapters, the pay-off. Then, the show tanked for me...and I just couldn't go on writing something that was not just uninspiring but actually painful to write.
Rae
who knows that she has let a lot of people down by needing to feel the thrill of writing rather than face the fact that sometimes it is a slog to the end.
A reader,
ladycat713 , asked me if I ever wrote anything more on my Buffy/Spike story The Sweet Spot AU. This story was very rich and promising, much like my BSG story Minotaur or Like Gum On Your Shoe, from the Doctor/Rose fandom. All of these stories were abandoned because I simply lost the thrill I'd taken in their respective shows. Also, none of them were particularly close to their end. They were just starting out when the ax fell on their fandoms for me.I have always had trouble stretching my credulity around fanfiction. For example, some people can write whatever they like...Buffy is an English Teacher and Angel is an inner city cop with magical powers...and make it work for them in fiction. But to me, I have to believe that the characters I see on the show could in some way be the ones in my fic. So, if the Doctor doesn't appear to love Martha, I can't invest my time and energy in creating a story dependent on him loving her. If Buffy turns out to be a childish loser, I don't want her to be with Spike anymore, so I find the Spuffy has no magic for me.
This is why I can't write (or read) a lot of slash pairings, because I can't bring myself to imagine a world where they might happen. Well, I could, but it wouldn't be the same world where the show happens. Of course, I can put together a world where the Doctor loves Martha, but I wouldn't be able to work in the show as it aired. I would have to say, let's pretend there is an alternate Doctor Who, one I wouldn't watch and...now, convince me to watch it. Some writers probably could convince me, but it would be a very hard thing for them to do. On the other hand, Wincest, which doesn't particularly turn me on and would, in reality, be abhorrent to me, is still, in my view, certainly a possibility in the world of Supernatural. So, I could write it or read it and feel I was enjoying the show in an alternative form.
But, back to what my pattern of dropping fic says about me. Basically, it says that I want to enjoy the work. I love to write, but it is a life-consuming task (it literally leaves me drained) and I want to be able to fully believe in what I'm writing. If I lose that edge of excitement, that love of the show (its characters; its world), I lose my drive to finish.
And I think this may also affect my original writing. I have the makings of about six novels on my computer. I return to these stories over and over again, but I find that I can't sustain a passion for any of them that rivals my passion for...let's say...Ten/Rose. I think, for me, the secret of my fanfiction success lies in my passion for a particular story or coupling. Once the passion is gone, the thrill of it all is over and I seldom finish those stories. So, far, my original worlds are not as compelling to me as the ones I see on TV. I suppose I should spend more time in my original worlds. And hope that I can sustain my interest in them.
Finishing Disheveled, was in some ways, pure luck, because I firmly believed that Rose was coming back after Doomsday. If I hadn't finished before Journey's End, I am sure Disheveled would have languished in the same way that my BTVS epic Ichnobate did. Ichnobate was almost finished. I had maybe four or five chapters to go on it...and those were the best chapters, the pay-off. Then, the show tanked for me...and I just couldn't go on writing something that was not just uninspiring but actually painful to write.
Rae
who knows that she has let a lot of people down by needing to feel the thrill of writing rather than face the fact that sometimes it is a slog to the end.