![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rabid1stDisclaimer: This rant is brought to you by nothing to do with me...it is just an observation of well...a general breakdown in civility in the AtS/BtVS fandom.*
1. I really don't care what anyone else thinks...as in...I can't say anyone else's opinion matters to me except as a measure of how much time I will spend listening to this person, nodding my head and saying, "You know...you are soooooo right!"
2. And here let me stress I don't mean an opinion of ME PERSONALLY because it can be hurtful to be disliked personally no matter what the circumstance...I will leap to the defense of the crying Spander slasher as quickly as I will leap to the defense of a weeping child. I am speaking here of an opinion on ANY objective subject...whales, Angel, books by Danielle Steel, Republican candidates, Baptism, Mutant Green Guacamole style Corn Chips, etc.
3. I don't expect anyone but my loved ones and elected officials to care about MY opinions.
4. Not expecting others to CARE WHAT I THINK doesn't mean that I will forego EXPRESSING the opinions I hold on objective subjects. I'm an American dagnabit. If I feel strongly about Mutant Green Guacamole Corn Chips I will darn sure tell you. I will however hold my tongue (or set aside my keyboard) if I feel the issue doesn't merit a response.
5. I reserve the right for myself and others to say, "I don't care what you think."
6. Because unless I have some power over you or you have some power over me (take the elected officials example) then other people's opinions just don't matter.
7. What I expect people to do after READING my opinions (or hearing them in person) is: Agree...or Disagree (see#8)...or Not Care...or say "Huh?" or decide that I am not worth listening to...and go away.
8. I also expect a degree of civility.
*Civility isn't agreement. Civility isn't even tolerance. Civility is the ability to HEAR another person's opinion gracefully. To allow room in the world for dissent. It can open your mind to realize that other people have vastly differing opinions from the ones you cherish. But it doesn't have to open your mind at all.
Civility means...disagreeing simply and politely...saying, "I disagree!" (maybe even adding a "Here's why..." ).
A good rule of thumb, in my opinion, on civility is...IF you feel your skin crawling when someone expresses an opinion...if you feel you can't stand the person existing in your world...if there is no way that you can tolerate such a challenge to your world view other than to tell the person to grow up, move on, buy glasses, wise up, pay attention, get a life or other wise align with you and your view of things...civility would demand that instead of expressing yourself about the subject you simply walk quietly away.
WHOA! It isn't very civil of me to sit in judgement of others this way is it? Well...nope...but then...I'm not talking about a specific person here...just an objective idea. One I feel strongly about. I find incivility even in the privacy of a LJ rant to be tiresome. I don't know if you agree, disagree, don't care...or are simply going, "Huh?"
I do hope you didn't just go away! Hello? HELLO!
Oh, well...these are new and puzzling times. Socially speaking, I could be wrong.
Rae
1. I really don't care what anyone else thinks...as in...I can't say anyone else's opinion matters to me except as a measure of how much time I will spend listening to this person, nodding my head and saying, "You know...you are soooooo right!"
2. And here let me stress I don't mean an opinion of ME PERSONALLY because it can be hurtful to be disliked personally no matter what the circumstance...I will leap to the defense of the crying Spander slasher as quickly as I will leap to the defense of a weeping child. I am speaking here of an opinion on ANY objective subject...whales, Angel, books by Danielle Steel, Republican candidates, Baptism, Mutant Green Guacamole style Corn Chips, etc.
3. I don't expect anyone but my loved ones and elected officials to care about MY opinions.
4. Not expecting others to CARE WHAT I THINK doesn't mean that I will forego EXPRESSING the opinions I hold on objective subjects. I'm an American dagnabit. If I feel strongly about Mutant Green Guacamole Corn Chips I will darn sure tell you. I will however hold my tongue (or set aside my keyboard) if I feel the issue doesn't merit a response.
5. I reserve the right for myself and others to say, "I don't care what you think."
6. Because unless I have some power over you or you have some power over me (take the elected officials example) then other people's opinions just don't matter.
7. What I expect people to do after READING my opinions (or hearing them in person) is: Agree...or Disagree (see#8)...or Not Care...or say "Huh?" or decide that I am not worth listening to...and go away.
8. I also expect a degree of civility.
*Civility isn't agreement. Civility isn't even tolerance. Civility is the ability to HEAR another person's opinion gracefully. To allow room in the world for dissent. It can open your mind to realize that other people have vastly differing opinions from the ones you cherish. But it doesn't have to open your mind at all.
Civility means...disagreeing simply and politely...saying, "I disagree!" (maybe even adding a "Here's why..." ).
A good rule of thumb, in my opinion, on civility is...IF you feel your skin crawling when someone expresses an opinion...if you feel you can't stand the person existing in your world...if there is no way that you can tolerate such a challenge to your world view other than to tell the person to grow up, move on, buy glasses, wise up, pay attention, get a life or other wise align with you and your view of things...civility would demand that instead of expressing yourself about the subject you simply walk quietly away.
WHOA! It isn't very civil of me to sit in judgement of others this way is it? Well...nope...but then...I'm not talking about a specific person here...just an objective idea. One I feel strongly about. I find incivility even in the privacy of a LJ rant to be tiresome. I don't know if you agree, disagree, don't care...or are simply going, "Huh?"
I do hope you didn't just go away! Hello? HELLO!
Oh, well...these are new and puzzling times. Socially speaking, I could be wrong.
Rae
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-11-22 12:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-11-22 12:40 pm (UTC)Amen on civility. Lord knows we've got some pretty divergent views, but that is what I *like* about LJ and fandom. Folks who hang out on the confrontational extremes have nothing to offer, and I avoid 'em like the plague. But people with manners whose opinions differ from mine are the *best* kind.
I agree Chris...;-D
Date: 2003-11-22 01:40 pm (UTC)The only downside is people sometimes mistake my civility for agreement (this happens most often in RL where I am forced by my position in the community to smile and nod a lot). I wonder if this is what is causing the rampant incivility online. I wonder if people have to smile and nod too much in RL. After a long day of smiling and nodding, they might feel compelled to go on the offensive! Or they might just feel threatened by differing opinions! Or maybe they feel letting a challenge to their world-view pass without comment constitutes agreement!
I get upset at people too. And I certainly don't understand every point of view. I have very strong opinions of my own (as anyone reading my LJ would know) but I don't always express them. And I try to listen politely. I can't tell you how many people have blithely assumed I agreed with them and their stand simply because I was civil.
When the real reason I didn't say anything is: I pick my battles. I only fight for the things worth fighting for...and if someone I disagree with gets TOO obnoxious after I nod and smile...like if they sign me up for the BABY SEAL CLUBBERS CLUB or something...then I ALWAYS say, "Sorry, I don't agree with Seal Clubbing."
On the other hand, maybe I chose civility because I shudder to think what a world with me in it would be like if I actually told everyone I met who had (what I considered) an idiotic opinion to, "JUST SHUT UP ALREADY because I am SICK of hearing you talk!"
Rae