AS MOON CRISIS PASSES INTO HISTORY MILLIONS PAUSE TO REFLECT!!

[rabid1st]

MOON CHOMPING 2003: The Aftermath!

The apparently indigestible moon has reappeared in our night sky having passed unscathed through the digestive tract of some type of GIANT SPACE CRITTER but around the globe humanity is still shaken by the close call with what scientists now believe was a Space Weasel/Stoat or Fisher. "There is in my opinion very little chance that this was a Sugar Glider," Dr. Wilson Wilson-Smythe of the A.S.G.D.L. (Anti-Sugar Glider Defamation League) opined. He remained obstinate in his views despite the fact that the event was a nocturnal one and sugar gliders are known to BE nocturnal.

But world wide tonight there is a growing consensus that the actual species of the moon chomping critter remains of secondary importance in light of these more pressing questions: Will the Weasel/Stoat/Fisher/Sugar Glider/Hamster return? If so when? And by what miracle were we saved today from the big sploosh?

Increasingly, people are turning to their religious leaders for spiritual guidance. Cult leader AllyV believes she has the answer a concerned population of Planet Earth is seeking: "Virgin sacrifice," she informs, "Someone did it and we own that person or persons a debt of gratitude." However, she quickly denied any personal involvement in offering up the unblemished in a misguided attempt to 'Appease the Weasel!'

"In fact, I recommend immediate deflowering of the members of my flock," she assured. "I take care of this job personally as soon as the ink dries on their CONTRACT OF FAITH in order to avoid any suggestion that THE CHURCH OF THE DIVINE SKYCAIA would engage in such unsavory 'cultish' practices. We aren't like those Heaven's Gate Wackos," she added. "There is a gross misunderstanding of our faith among the heretics and unbelievers. Let me reassure your readers that, other than the biblically mandated dancing naked with weasels, stoats or fishers in the event of a Moon Chomping, we are just like everyone else. We put our pants back on one leg at a time."

Rabid/Raeann

Comments

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Should I be concerned that a church apparently named after my email address has allyv as a high priestess who is advocating the sacrifice of other people's virgins...?

Nah.

caia

[allyv.livejournal.com]

Nope. It's all about how the all powerful online test told us that we were cult leaders. So you get the actual religion but I get to be the cult leader that follows in your steps.

Also, our cult allows the best pickup line ever to enter the lexicon... 'Hey baby, I can prevent your sacrifice to the Giant Weasel in the sky'. I think it's a winner.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Well, I remember that part, but I'm a little bit nervous about the cult being named after me. Think of all the bullshit that gets done in the name of Jesus.

And the follow-up to that pickup line...

"... But not the Giant Weasel in my pants."

Except that I'm still not a guy.

caia