Roy Sheider's Wacky Course Corrections
May. 18th, 2003 11:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rabid1stWARNING!!! SPOILERS FOR ALREADY AIRED IN U.S. BUFFY SEASON SEVEN.
SO...UPTO BUT NOT INCLUDING...the FINALE...
Yesterday, I got together with 8 or 9 RL buddies of mine and the conversation turned, as it inevitably does in any room I visit for more than 20 minutes, to Buffy. All but one of my buddies watched the show at one time (only 2 of us still watch). And so, when the conversation turned to Buffy it turned also to the subject of "jumping the shark." Everyone was eager to share their own fish story.
I listened and smiled and after several people had sounded off...I said, "I hear what you're saying...but I disagree."
The round of hardy snorts and sulky grumbles in response was all too familiar. (Rabid possibly overuses the peaceful negotiation line...or maybe my friends are just used to my playing the Devil's Advocate. ;-D ). Perhaps, you, gentle reader, are also scoffing...but hear me out...
"I don't care WHAT you say," my buddy Mike, an SNL devotee, asserts, "BtVS didn't die by slipping on a bar of soap in the shower."
No, it didn't...but it wasn't the great white that killed our plucky heroine, either.
I don't disagree that there was something in the water. It's just that I think what REALLY did the show in was Roy Sheider's wacky course corrections. And I say: What ultimately sank BtVS was Roy's attempt to get "a bigger boat." Or possibly the fact that he forgot he was Roy Sheider and went off to be Roy Rogers in the 23 and 1/2 Century.
That is another rant entirely...but...I believe it was the first of the erroneous course corrections. After pointing Marti, David and Jane in the right direction, Joss Whedon handed off the wheel to the crew of the S.S. Minnow and went off to diddle away the year on other projects. Now, it wasn't that Ginger, the Professor and Mary Ann didn't know their destination...it was that they couldn't handle the craft. And none of them, as they blithely bobbed along, seemed the slightest bit aware that there was something in the water.
And so we sailed on through Season Six (my personal Fave season actually...because I liked the visceral power of it...all the way up to HELL'S BELLS...if there was a shark jumping eppy that was it.) with one or the other of the fearless crew jerking the wheel occasionally. And all the while they were becoming more and more aware of the dark skies overhead and the turbulent seas all around. To them the storm of public opinion seemed like the greater menace. "ROY," they screamed down the hatch. "We have to turn back."
Unfortunately, nobody saw the school of Great White's gathering in their wake.
The rudder of the S.S. Minnow started spinning...Riley came back with a wife and he saved the day, Xander (our touchstone "everyman") devolved into a bigoted and dysfunctional loser, Anya went back to her demon ways, Spike and Buffy broke up...and...Tara took over the adult role...filling the void left by Joyce and Giles...
Roy stumbled back on deck. He quickly corrected for the break-up by having Buffy and Spike talk like real lovers. There was no sign that she hated him or herself...far from it. "But...But...," Ginger screamed stabbing one finger at the charts. "He's going to try to rape her...look!"
Roy didn't spare a glance for the jagged rocks on the map. He exchanged a meaningful look with the Professor. The men folk knew what they were doing. They had a soul up their sleeve. Roy saw it as the deep water channel that would make everything alright again. He recharted the course...he brought Giles in at the perfect moment, made Anya a fuzzy demon and showed the crew how Xander could redeem himself by saving the world. Then, he turned his attention to the weather.
Roy conceded it was a little dark. So...he turned on all the S.S. Minnow's reserve power and threw a little artificial light on things. "Everyone stay in the light," Roy ordered. "Just look at how comforting and cheerful it is!"
Suddenly, Buffy and Company were happy-happy people. They forgot that they were dysfunctional and that said dysfunction had nearly destroyed the world. They forgot about betraying each other. Instead, they patted each other's heads and made happy jokes and went on with their lives as if wrapped up in cotton wool. Unseen in the dark...the sharks closed in on the boat.
And that ladies and gentleman was how the Minnow was lost.
When the first snout hit them broad-side, Roy was surprised but not overly concerned. He had enough light on the situation, so he didn't even bother to correct his course.
Giles left the Buffy world rudderless...Da..DUHM...
Tara, who was in a position to take over the rudder, was pre-scripted to die so she did...nevermind that WILLOW was the more shop-worn character...Da...Duhm...
Spike got a soul for Buffy's sake, thus making their LOVE less icky and real and more about REDEMPTION...DaDuhm...
The Yellow Crayon speech saved the world and Buffy had an epiphany about loving life...DaDuhm...
Every character devolved into their happy post-trauma self so that nobody had to deal with the realities of life anymore...DaDuhmDaDuhmDaDuhmDaDuhm...SCREEEEECCCH!!
And suddenly the water is full of glowing green eyes. Roy grabs the wheel. He brings back Giles even though the character has no earthly use anymore...and the First Evil, a amorphous entity with lots of ambiguous threatening...he kills off the Watcher's Council...he gets rid of Demon Anya 1,2, 3...he lets Buffy and Spike tread water ("Surely, THEY are safe in the shallows," he thinks.)
"People want Willow to be Gay," Ginger screams.
So, Roy whips out a lesbian. There ya' go.
"People want Xander to be cuddly and funny," Mary Ann hollers.
So, Roy makes him the one who "sees all." There ya' go.
"People are saying Spike is still evil," the Professor yelps. "And that Buffy will always love Angel," Mary Ann adds.
Spike slaughters half of Sunnydale but goes on being lovable and confused. Buffy is all accepting of this but still treading water on the relationship so she won't alienate any lingering B/A fans. There ya' go.
Another snout hits the boat...the ratings are sinking. "LOOK!" The Minnow crew screams, pointing as one over the guard rail at the many shiny, baleful eyes in the depths. "People still aren't HAPPY!"
"WE'RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT," Roy yells above the wail of the rising storm as he stares at the circling sharks.
"But we're in the middle of the ocean," Mary Ann points out.
Roy however is undetered...he begins hauling things up on deck in an effort to make his boat even bigger...a dozen or more characters to love or hate, a new funny man in Andrew, a crossover eppy with Angel in the hopes of picking up stragglers or joining with the other ship, Faith returns to give us the kick-ass Slayer vibe(because just maybe...we can SPIN-OFF to a new boat), Giles, Xander, Anya and Dawn have their personalities jettisoned...Buffy and Spike finally find their way into each other's arms...but the currents keep them from consumating...nobody knows where this thing is going...least of all ROY...but he points at the distant horizon...the Angel Lighthouse sends a comforting beam out across the waves.
"We're SAVED," Roy says.
"We'll never make it," the Minnow Crew contends. "There's not enough time."
Roy dashes back below deck. He tosses up a pendant from Wolfram and Hart, a mysterious scythe, a cryptic white haired woman, an evil evangelist, extra uber-vamps from a seal that's already sealed, a half dozen unemployed actresses that were sitting on a bunk watching reruns of Gilligan's Island, a reference to possible demon possession, a lot of sex with strange bedfellows, an appearance by Robert Shaw(a.k.a. Angel) and an ill-timed Kiss. There ya' go.
Will he make it to shore with this zig-zagging course? I'm still unspoiled for the finale so I can't say. But I don't think it matters because the Minnow, while still technically afloat, is already lost at sea. Nothing JW does in the final hour will save Season Seven from the sharks.
But that isn't the tragedy here...really!
The real tragedy when you think about it is that they made Jaws 2, 3 and 4 before they stopped. Did you ever ask yourself why Brody didn't move the family off Amity Island after he made it back to shore alive? Why didn't he just pile everyone into the minivan and head for Las Vegas where the only sharks he would run into were the ones playing poker in the casinos? JAWS really was the perfect movie...even if Anya isn't the perfect woman...it ended with a bang and we all smiled.
If only they hadn't gone back into the water...
Under the sweeping lighthouse beam, Fred clutches at Wesley's arm, she points a shaking finger toward the black and turbulent waves.
"There's something out there," she gasps.
Wes turns to look. In the deep there is a flash of shiny, black leather and a glint of white. DaDuhm...DA..DUHM...daduhmdadumhdaduhm....
SO...UPTO BUT NOT INCLUDING...the FINALE...
Yesterday, I got together with 8 or 9 RL buddies of mine and the conversation turned, as it inevitably does in any room I visit for more than 20 minutes, to Buffy. All but one of my buddies watched the show at one time (only 2 of us still watch). And so, when the conversation turned to Buffy it turned also to the subject of "jumping the shark." Everyone was eager to share their own fish story.
I listened and smiled and after several people had sounded off...I said, "I hear what you're saying...but I disagree."
The round of hardy snorts and sulky grumbles in response was all too familiar. (Rabid possibly overuses the peaceful negotiation line...or maybe my friends are just used to my playing the Devil's Advocate. ;-D ). Perhaps, you, gentle reader, are also scoffing...but hear me out...
"I don't care WHAT you say," my buddy Mike, an SNL devotee, asserts, "BtVS didn't die by slipping on a bar of soap in the shower."
No, it didn't...but it wasn't the great white that killed our plucky heroine, either.
I don't disagree that there was something in the water. It's just that I think what REALLY did the show in was Roy Sheider's wacky course corrections. And I say: What ultimately sank BtVS was Roy's attempt to get "a bigger boat." Or possibly the fact that he forgot he was Roy Sheider and went off to be Roy Rogers in the 23 and 1/2 Century.
That is another rant entirely...but...I believe it was the first of the erroneous course corrections. After pointing Marti, David and Jane in the right direction, Joss Whedon handed off the wheel to the crew of the S.S. Minnow and went off to diddle away the year on other projects. Now, it wasn't that Ginger, the Professor and Mary Ann didn't know their destination...it was that they couldn't handle the craft. And none of them, as they blithely bobbed along, seemed the slightest bit aware that there was something in the water.
And so we sailed on through Season Six (my personal Fave season actually...because I liked the visceral power of it...all the way up to HELL'S BELLS...if there was a shark jumping eppy that was it.) with one or the other of the fearless crew jerking the wheel occasionally. And all the while they were becoming more and more aware of the dark skies overhead and the turbulent seas all around. To them the storm of public opinion seemed like the greater menace. "ROY," they screamed down the hatch. "We have to turn back."
Unfortunately, nobody saw the school of Great White's gathering in their wake.
The rudder of the S.S. Minnow started spinning...Riley came back with a wife and he saved the day, Xander (our touchstone "everyman") devolved into a bigoted and dysfunctional loser, Anya went back to her demon ways, Spike and Buffy broke up...and...Tara took over the adult role...filling the void left by Joyce and Giles...
Roy stumbled back on deck. He quickly corrected for the break-up by having Buffy and Spike talk like real lovers. There was no sign that she hated him or herself...far from it. "But...But...," Ginger screamed stabbing one finger at the charts. "He's going to try to rape her...look!"
Roy didn't spare a glance for the jagged rocks on the map. He exchanged a meaningful look with the Professor. The men folk knew what they were doing. They had a soul up their sleeve. Roy saw it as the deep water channel that would make everything alright again. He recharted the course...he brought Giles in at the perfect moment, made Anya a fuzzy demon and showed the crew how Xander could redeem himself by saving the world. Then, he turned his attention to the weather.
Roy conceded it was a little dark. So...he turned on all the S.S. Minnow's reserve power and threw a little artificial light on things. "Everyone stay in the light," Roy ordered. "Just look at how comforting and cheerful it is!"
Suddenly, Buffy and Company were happy-happy people. They forgot that they were dysfunctional and that said dysfunction had nearly destroyed the world. They forgot about betraying each other. Instead, they patted each other's heads and made happy jokes and went on with their lives as if wrapped up in cotton wool. Unseen in the dark...the sharks closed in on the boat.
And that ladies and gentleman was how the Minnow was lost.
When the first snout hit them broad-side, Roy was surprised but not overly concerned. He had enough light on the situation, so he didn't even bother to correct his course.
Giles left the Buffy world rudderless...Da..DUHM...
Tara, who was in a position to take over the rudder, was pre-scripted to die so she did...nevermind that WILLOW was the more shop-worn character...Da...Duhm...
Spike got a soul for Buffy's sake, thus making their LOVE less icky and real and more about REDEMPTION...DaDuhm...
The Yellow Crayon speech saved the world and Buffy had an epiphany about loving life...DaDuhm...
Every character devolved into their happy post-trauma self so that nobody had to deal with the realities of life anymore...DaDuhmDaDuhmDaDuhmDaDuhm...SCREEEEECCCH!!
And suddenly the water is full of glowing green eyes. Roy grabs the wheel. He brings back Giles even though the character has no earthly use anymore...and the First Evil, a amorphous entity with lots of ambiguous threatening...he kills off the Watcher's Council...he gets rid of Demon Anya 1,2, 3...he lets Buffy and Spike tread water ("Surely, THEY are safe in the shallows," he thinks.)
"People want Willow to be Gay," Ginger screams.
So, Roy whips out a lesbian. There ya' go.
"People want Xander to be cuddly and funny," Mary Ann hollers.
So, Roy makes him the one who "sees all." There ya' go.
"People are saying Spike is still evil," the Professor yelps. "And that Buffy will always love Angel," Mary Ann adds.
Spike slaughters half of Sunnydale but goes on being lovable and confused. Buffy is all accepting of this but still treading water on the relationship so she won't alienate any lingering B/A fans. There ya' go.
Another snout hits the boat...the ratings are sinking. "LOOK!" The Minnow crew screams, pointing as one over the guard rail at the many shiny, baleful eyes in the depths. "People still aren't HAPPY!"
"WE'RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT," Roy yells above the wail of the rising storm as he stares at the circling sharks.
"But we're in the middle of the ocean," Mary Ann points out.
Roy however is undetered...he begins hauling things up on deck in an effort to make his boat even bigger...a dozen or more characters to love or hate, a new funny man in Andrew, a crossover eppy with Angel in the hopes of picking up stragglers or joining with the other ship, Faith returns to give us the kick-ass Slayer vibe(because just maybe...we can SPIN-OFF to a new boat), Giles, Xander, Anya and Dawn have their personalities jettisoned...Buffy and Spike finally find their way into each other's arms...but the currents keep them from consumating...nobody knows where this thing is going...least of all ROY...but he points at the distant horizon...the Angel Lighthouse sends a comforting beam out across the waves.
"We're SAVED," Roy says.
"We'll never make it," the Minnow Crew contends. "There's not enough time."
Roy dashes back below deck. He tosses up a pendant from Wolfram and Hart, a mysterious scythe, a cryptic white haired woman, an evil evangelist, extra uber-vamps from a seal that's already sealed, a half dozen unemployed actresses that were sitting on a bunk watching reruns of Gilligan's Island, a reference to possible demon possession, a lot of sex with strange bedfellows, an appearance by Robert Shaw(a.k.a. Angel) and an ill-timed Kiss. There ya' go.
Will he make it to shore with this zig-zagging course? I'm still unspoiled for the finale so I can't say. But I don't think it matters because the Minnow, while still technically afloat, is already lost at sea. Nothing JW does in the final hour will save Season Seven from the sharks.
But that isn't the tragedy here...really!
The real tragedy when you think about it is that they made Jaws 2, 3 and 4 before they stopped. Did you ever ask yourself why Brody didn't move the family off Amity Island after he made it back to shore alive? Why didn't he just pile everyone into the minivan and head for Las Vegas where the only sharks he would run into were the ones playing poker in the casinos? JAWS really was the perfect movie...even if Anya isn't the perfect woman...it ended with a bang and we all smiled.
If only they hadn't gone back into the water...
Under the sweeping lighthouse beam, Fred clutches at Wesley's arm, she points a shaking finger toward the black and turbulent waves.
"There's something out there," she gasps.
Wes turns to look. In the deep there is a flash of shiny, black leather and a glint of white. DaDuhm...DA..DUHM...daduhmdadumhdaduhm....
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-18 11:56 am (UTC)So, Roy whips out a lesbian. There ya' go.
LOL ... amen, sister.
What would we all do without your rants?
I know what you mean about being in a room full of fans. I recently encountered a young fangirl who said she hates Spike, Buffy and Angel should be together forever, and they need to bring Tara back to life just like they brought Buffy back. She then went back to reading her crappyass Buffy novel, in which she attempted to point out the "irony" in an offhand comment that Buffy makes about Seth Green. She just gave me a blank stare when I tried to explain how canon has established that Willow can't bring back Tara that way. Or that Spike is the best character ever.
Silly mortals.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-18 03:20 pm (UTC)My never-written AU s7 has a bit where Giles teaches Spike to swim. Mostly so that Giles can muse, "'Dear Diary, today I taught Spike, aka William the Bloody, killer of Slayers, the doggie paddle.' Thank goodness I don't keep diaries anymore." Also because I grin at the idea of Spike in black surfer trunks determinedly learning to swim like a little kid, and the mental contortions Giles would have to go through to reconcile himself to the reality that he was teaching him. (The justification behind this late night b&e at the local YMCA being that while Spike can't drown per se, neither was he able to help Buffy rescue a demon victim from the river, and he didn't want to be helpless in a fight like that again.)
caia