It's definitely something that you have to deal with on a case-by-case basis, I think. Do I think it was insensitive to joke about your friend carrying a purse? Possibly. Some folks have no trouble with that sort of ribbing and some do - probably would have been better to err on the side of caution. Do I think your friend was being oversensitive to the issue? Yes, but that's an individual call. As you say, he may have a history of being teased or be wrestling with gender issues or have been raised in a "man's man" household. Who knows?
Personally, I think it's stupid to claim that various traits are more evident in one gender vs. the other. Even if that's true, IMHO it's a result of societal shaping (like the decades of the wife being relegated to the roles of homemaker and mother) rather than gender, per se.
I'm a woman, and I suck as a cook and hate cleaning. I have very short hair and much prefer pants to dresses any day. I'd make a very poor 50s housewife, but I don't at all think that makes me "manly". I just am who I am.
Would I look twice if I saw a man on the street wearing a dress (but obviously not transgender or cross-dressing, etc.)? Yes, but more because of the novelty than anything else. I remember taking note of a couple of guys wearing utilikilt-type things at the PRIDE festival in San Diego. It was just an unusual sight, but, hell, they were probably a lot more comfortable than I was in that 100 degree heat! LOL
But back to your question...is it inherently insulting to suggest that someone is like another gender? Probably a bit, yes. But a lot depends both on how the sayer said it (i.e. just joking around or seriously being mean about it) AND how the hearer feels about such things (some can take a joke and some are super sensitive to any teasing). As I said before, it's better to err on the side of the caution unless you really know the person you're joking with.
Gender roles are a lot more fluid than they used to be, but there are still plenty of folks out there reinforcing the "manly man" and "womanly woman" stereotypes. Not by being that way ('cause if that's what you're like, good on you), but because that's the way they were brought up to believe people should be. Culture and society are powerful influences and it's hella difficult to change the norms...though thank god people try! :)
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Date: 2010-08-11 07:34 pm (UTC)Personally, I think it's stupid to claim that various traits are more evident in one gender vs. the other. Even if that's true, IMHO it's a result of societal shaping (like the decades of the wife being relegated to the roles of homemaker and mother) rather than gender, per se.
I'm a woman, and I suck as a cook and hate cleaning. I have very short hair and much prefer pants to dresses any day. I'd make a very poor 50s housewife, but I don't at all think that makes me "manly". I just am who I am.
Would I look twice if I saw a man on the street wearing a dress (but obviously not transgender or cross-dressing, etc.)? Yes, but more because of the novelty than anything else. I remember taking note of a couple of guys wearing utilikilt-type things at the PRIDE festival in San Diego. It was just an unusual sight, but, hell, they were probably a lot more comfortable than I was in that 100 degree heat! LOL
But back to your question...is it inherently insulting to suggest that someone is like another gender? Probably a bit, yes. But a lot depends both on how the sayer said it (i.e. just joking around or seriously being mean about it) AND how the hearer feels about such things (some can take a joke and some are super sensitive to any teasing). As I said before, it's better to err on the side of the caution unless you really know the person you're joking with.
Gender roles are a lot more fluid than they used to be, but there are still plenty of folks out there reinforcing the "manly man" and "womanly woman" stereotypes. Not by being that way ('cause if that's what you're like, good on you), but because that's the way they were brought up to believe people should be. Culture and society are powerful influences and it's hella difficult to change the norms...though thank god people try! :)