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I am going to try to post more on this journal.

Currently, I'm in the middle of a sugar and flour fast. I have given up both sugar and flour for several weeks. However, it would be more accurate to say that I am no longer in the middle of the fast, but have moved beyond it to a place where I once again consume sugar and flour.

I was doing very well. My pancreas was healing from the years of abuse, after only a couple of weeks off the white stuff. But then, I cracked a tooth and needed to have oral surgery.

After oral surgery I could no longer eat meat or raw veggies. I could only consume soups and very soft cooked foods. This meant that my blood sugar spiked and dropped more often and before I knew what was happening...I lunged for a brownie...soft...delicious...comforting.

So, my mouth is healing in this second week. I tried to eat some poached chicken last night, but could not manage it. Still, I think I can manage to let go of the soft, comfort foods and begin my detox again. It shouldn't be too difficult as yet. I've only consumed a little of the white stuff at this time. I'm not fully back on the flour or swept up in old habits. But I'm not teetotaling either.

So...Day 1 again...and if anyone knows of something that is soft, warm, comforting and not sweet...let me know.
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I was just reading a comment to a former post when I noticed a message in my TAGS on the side. More about that in a moment. That message had me searching the tag cloud for other sentences that were inadvertantly formed during my haphazard tagging binges.

The problem with Roses Prometheus prompts.

Clara Cuteness Daunting

Dexter Disclosure Project Dishevelled

So you think you can dance solar roads

would I lie would I lie? write something

And the one that started off this post. A sentence that I'm sure now you will all agree with...

RECOMMENDATIONS restore sanity
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Hi, all. As you know, I seldom talk about real life on these pages. Mostly, because I'm an introvert. But, also, because I don't like to burden people with my troubles.

Still, I do feel that your positive thoughts and support have helped me in the past...and today...someone else I love needs some spiritual assistance. So, if anyone feels they can provide...please chip in a few kind thoughts for her.

I'm the youngest and most unexpected child in our family. My siblings are decades older. So, most of my neices and nephews are about my age. One of them, my brother's daughter, Heather, is fighting for her life right now. She had pneumonia and it spiraled out of control. Now she has sepsis (blood poisoning) and a condition known as ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome). Her lungs are full of fluid so she can't breathe on her own, and her body isn't recovering from the damage of the infection. ARDS permanently damages the lung tissue, so it scars over and will not work again. She, also, had a stroke, but they are not sure how much damage it has caused, due to her being unconscious. She has two little girls and is divorced, from a husband who cannot have custody.

So, send up a prayer that we can keep her girls in the family...somehow...with someone...neither set of grandparents are in a position to take custody, at this time, so Cindy, Heather's sister is taking temporary care of them. And, also, please pray that Heather recovers to the point where she can still be Mom and caregiver to her family.

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A company has put out a line of maps using the meaning of the place names rather than the name itself.

So, we can all sound like we come from Mordor. I, for example, live along the God Is Gracious River in the Blooming Land. And I have many friends that come from The Land Where People Speak Normally. Find out where you live...

In America/Canada/Mexico...


Or elsewhere...at the site...click on your folded map for a full size one...

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...which reminds me that I've never shared a link to my favorite meditation site. At least, I don't think I've ever shared a link.

The mind could be going, I suppose. Anyway...the site is the loving work of Elisabeth Blaikie. She has a very soothing voice. She also must be a lovely person, because while she offers the meditations for sale, she also offers them all for free. You will want to donate to her via MP3 purchases after a few sessions though, because the whole site is so soothing and wonderful. I carry her with me on my MP3 player, just because I like to put some of the meditations on repeat to help me sleep.


Enjoy some relaxation on me, folks.
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You know, I don't generally sign online petitions. Or bother the rest of you with them. But then, I read that Disney wants to Disney-fy one of the most natural heroines of modern animation.

Look what they want to do to Merida...to make her a proper princess. And think about the irony of that idea, given the entire thrust of Brave, the film that brought her to us. This really does send a horrible message of conformity to our children.

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In the early morning hours, around 2:00 am today, our beloved lovebird, Tweety, died. He was 19 years old, which is a remarkable age for a lovebird. And he had been suffering with a painful condition for the last 16 months or so. He went into remission in January, and we thought we had solved his issues, but his condition deteriorated again over the last two weeks. Judging by the continuous screaming, he was in unrelenting pain. Only cuddles gave him some temporary relief. And, of course, we could not cuddle him at night. He went quickly, from serious distress to shock to gone in about fifteen minutes. We called the emergency vet, but they were miles away and said they would only euthanize him. So, he died traumatically, but with me holding him close. His little eye looked up and me and finally closed and he went limp.

We feel like we should have done more, had him checked by someone before the burial...or saved him somehow. But he had a long and mostly good life. In the wild, a predator would have killed him the first night he screamed like that. And most pet birds die within five years.

On the Shaman side of things, I believe death is simply a transition. Energy is never lost, but simply moves from the body to another state. The univese is never wasteful with energy. My SO went out for a walk this evening and a baby bird flopped down in front of him on the sidewalk. He called me and asked what to do. And, well, I've "rescued" baby birds before...and been chided by bird experts for ruining the poor bird's life. The upshot is, you shouldn't move baby birds that have a parent nearby. So, I told my SO to look for a parent. Sure enough, there was a cardinal watching.

SO took a photo of the baby with his phone and I searched it. It was a baby cardinal...and fully fledged. So it was right not to pick it up. Just the universe telling us that life goes on. And, as a plus, Cardinal Medicine says..."You should be proud. Not with ego-pride, but because you do a good life-affirming job. You help others." Thanks for that Tweetie Bird. We needed the sign.
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Something I've lost with my fibro is my ability to dance. Ten years ago, I used to stay fit by dancing around the house for about 3 hours a day. Now, I cannot do that. But, I still love the music that makes you want to shake your tail feathers. Some of you might recognize Eric Hutchinson from my Doctor Who vid, "Rock & Roll."

This is his newest number. Everyone get up and dance...or pick up your walking pace a bit. Maybe I should do a "Weeping Angels" vid to this one. HEE

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My glitch-prone, randomly resetting computer is going in for brain surgery. And will be returning to me a changed machine. The final straw was when it disposed of all of my writing since March.

Because many geeks of my acquaintance are blaming the operating system, rather than the computer, we are going to have a Windows-Ectomy done. When this machine returns, if it returns, it will be using a Linux Operating System and Ubuntu. In other words, I may only be able to reach out to you all via the public library for a few months. Or, I may be very happy with the change and start preaching on the street corners against Windows world domination. We shall see.

Hold my virtual hand, for I am terrified by computer innards.

Ta for now from my humble little computer.

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Go, me!

So, back on Sept. 2, 2012, my computer refused to boot-up. I called Cyberpower, the company that built it for me and was handed off to the IT guy from some university without a computer science program. This guy not only had no idea what he was doing, he started me down the road to erasing my hard drive and then said, "Let me transfer you to someone that can help you better than me." And then he hung up on me. This after I was on hold for two hours.

But, during my back out of the situation that he created, I found that I could boot the computer from the recovery disc. I meant to get right back to the problem, but you know how Fibro stops me from basically doing the things I should be doing. This was no exception. I felt that I would need to wrestle with the hardware to solve these issues. This wasn't going to be a quick fix with a recovery disc or software patch. Computers are heavy and wired at the back of the desk, which is too heave to move. I'm pretty good with software, but I have zero confidence when it comes to fiddling with the computer hardware. And I suspected the whole job would hurt me physically. What I'm trying to convey is this: it never seemed like a good day for my computer to die. And so, I procrastinated until this past Sunday, when the hard drive crashed completely.

I do not think there was ever a point, after Sept. 2, when we could have saved the hard drive. And it turns out that the fancy 3 year warranty, the one that persuaded me to buy from Cyberpower in the first place, only covers service calls after the first year, not parts. The parts have a 2-year warranty, but from the manufacture. Oddly enough, the computer was purchased on Sept. 2, 2011. That's right, the hard drive died one year to the day after installation. Hmmmm!

But I digress. This time, when I called IT, I lucked into the best IT guy I have ever worked with. And that is saying something, because in the library, we have to deal with IT on a weekly basis, at the least. This guy was a master of his field. We went into the BIOS. We reconfigured the RAID. We used Windows Recovery. He told me to crack open the computer case and give the hard drive mouth to mouth. No! That is a very bad idea for your lips.

But I did, with my SO doing the heavy lifting and screwdriver work, pop the lid on that puppy and I switched out the bad hard drive for the spare. And then I installed Windows again. And now, I am repopulating my software systems. Because everything was overwritten when I wiped the hard drive. Which means I have some work cut out for me. And also that my writing software is kaput. DAMN! Again! DAMN! I had to rebuy it just last year. Maybe I have a back up of the download file. If it was a zip file I might.

It is sort of nice to have a perfectly pristine computer. I can set it up again to avoid any mess and confusion with our files. And...oh...in case I didn't say it already...



Also, someone please get me a drink and a massage chair.

UPDATE I did have a zip file of the Writer's Cafe software. And, more importantly, I had a copy of the key code that allows access to the software. On the other hand, I no longer have Adobe. But that's a download for another day.
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So, we went out on one of our townie photography trips today, looking for nice houses to feature on our wallpaper at home. We like to scout out neighborhoods we might want to live in someday. So, we found this gem of a suburb with old trees and nice brick houses on expansive lots. And one of the homes, a beauty made of red brick with white shutters on a corner lot, was for sale. We pulled over to study it and noticed that it has recently had an open house, so there were fliers in a box telling us all about the home. It had a pool. A two-car garage. A huge living room and master bedroom. It was a great house. So, we were guessing the cost. The SO guessed $225,000. But, thinking they might be desperate to sell, I guessed $189,000. It turned out this house is going for $159,000. And it is a beauty. WOW! I wish I had that in cash right now. I would have a new house.

But here is the funnier bit. We drove about four blocks and there was a new subdivision, obviously hit hard by the housing collapse. Here the houses look like crap to me and many of them are decaying ruins, only half finished. The SO seems to want to see the place, so we press on, but I have never been able to see living within easy spitting distance of a neighbor...not at those prices. They want $250,000 plus a homeowner's fee to basically live in what appears to be a cardboard box that they built 5 feet from another cardboard box. All of the houses looked exactly the same...tan on beige stucco finishes with high arched windows and sad, sad little plots of land. But the most humorous thing was we stopped at the end of a culdesac and my SO sees a sign that reads "Nature Preserve" with a few cars parked in front of the sign.

"Oh, nice," he says craning the neck a bit to look for the path to the wonderful "preserve." I am looking past the sign to the eight lane highway about 20 yards away and clearly visible through low brush. I say, "Honey! I think that's a drainage ditch." He frowns at me and shakes his head, "No? There are cars here." I say, "I think those cars are for these two houses crowded on either side. And the nature preserve is a drainage ditch by a highway." We drive on, both of us a little uncertain, and sure enough, we come to another "Nature Preserve" sign. This time on an empty lot between two houses. No chance it was anything but a lot waiting for development, you could see the installed foundation stuff and again, the highway beyond the trees. These people had the unmitigated gall to rip off their home buyers and then spit in their face by putting up signs calling empty lots and ditches "Nature Preserves." Going in to that development I could feel the despair these developers feed on. Obviously, they thought anyone who bought their homes at those prices must be stupid, but I didn't appreciate having that low opinion of home buyers spelled out so completely.
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"Son of a bitch!"

I managed to get my new computer out of its packing foam. The foam was INSIDE the computer. And I managed to set it up and go through the Windows 7 access and activation and install all of my components and get it to talk to all of the external hardware. Then, I started installing the essential software...Adobe Flash Player and Google Chrome and Adobe Reader and VLC media player and Virus Protection and Malware Protection and Firewalls.

And I fought, fought, fought with Windows 7 as I attempted to figure out what all of the new names for things mean and why it won't just let me see MY COMPUTER and why for some ridiculous reason 64-Bit doesn't recognize Adobe products. I mean, REALLY?

So, after all that, before I started on Instant Messengers and Vidding Software and Writing Software installs, I thought I would take a moment to enjoy some music videos. And that's when I noticed that I only have one harddrive. Yes, I should have noticed that when I unpacked the thing, but it was my first time ever looking inside a computer and I was mainly thinking about making sure everything was attached and what I had ordered--that is, the BRANDS, I had ordered. I did get 2TB of harddrive space, but it is all on the C: drive. There should be a D: drive, too.

So, the computer has to be stripped of all my personal settings and repacked for return shipping and I'm going to be without a computer for another month or however long it takes them to fix this situation. I mean, I suppose they could just send me another hard drive and call it even, but they probably won't do that.

"Son of a bitch!"

Meanwhile...here is a meme which I gakked from [livejournal.com profile] ramblinsuze to keep you all entertained while I'm gone.Read more... )

Have fun. But feel very bad that this list didn't include Edgar Rice Burroughs or Robert J. Sawyer. Read Hominids or Factoring God or the Farseer Trilogy. And read some Pratchett. Start with The Wyrd Sisters, I think, if you like some Shakespeare. I should be around for the next couple of days as I won't hear back from them until Monday.
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My new computer finally arrived.

Getting it to work, despite Windows 7 doing its level best to sabotage me at every turn.

Doctor Who updates finished, soon I can watch them and catch up.

My immune system finally getting the upper hand on a wretched head cold I've been fighting all week.

Hypnosis for sleep. It seems to be working.

Vividcon produced some vids that are not the same old, same old footage. I was getting so sick of Star Trek, Harry Potter, Stargate, Vampire Diaries, Supernatural and Doctor Who vids. And don't get me wrong, I love me some SPN and DW vids...but come on...there are a million other things that need vidding. Historic series like Miami Vice, for example. And we finally got a few of examples of fandoms I've never heard of, rather than the usual Ho-Hum footage. I am filled with gleeful anticipation.
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So, it seems to me as if my speculation re: Rose appearing came true. Read more... )
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I won! I won something in a raffle! I won a brand new netbook! WOW! I have never won a thing until now. And as I've mentioned my computer woes, I am sure you all realize how timely this win is. I am sick of using the library computers.

However, not long after I got the call saying I'd won, I got another call saying the store had lost my netbook. It is gone. They know not where. They are looking and promise me I will have a netbook in a few days even if they have to go out and buy a new one. I rather hope they do if mine has been used by others. The last thing I need is to find my new netbook full of weird porn or something. I like to pick out my own porn, thank you very much. LOL

In other news, I am off to see a dentist about getting my fillings replaced. That's right...voluntary dental work. Those words do not compute for me. But apparently, some folks feel that mercury fillings trigger fibromyalgia. And, as I am allergic to nickel and other trace metals, it was decided that I could try removing a few of my fillings. My consultation is tomorrow. Afterward, I think my sister and I are going to a museum or dinner or something. Wish me nerves of steel for future dental appointments.

This library keyboard really triggers my pain issues in the wrists and shoulders. I had forgotten what it is to use a non-ergo keyboard. Mine is feather-touch and requires no effort at all to type. I am also giving some thought to getting Dragon Naturally Speaking and giving the dictation another whirl. Perhaps fic will come forth and be recognized if I can master the Dragon. We will see.

As always thinking pleasent thoughts of all of you.

rabid1st: (Default)
Because my computer has crashed, again! Yes...again! This time I think it is a conflict with the virus protection software. I use Avast and it was trying to open something in the "sandbox" when the black screen of death appeared. I know it used to be called the BLUE screen of death, but mine is always black with a cursor prompt.

Later, I tried to recover or open in safe mode but my computer is having none of that. So, we are taking it in to the Vet tomorrow. If he says it's dead we are buying a new one. If he says he can save it...we are still buying a new one and retiring this one to the farm league.

Meanwhile, speaking of farm leagues...I went to my second ever baseball game last night. It was for the Chicago Cubs farm league team. And it was fairly entertaining. I had a good time and our side won. I hate major league baseball on TV so I didn't think this would be as good as it was. There's some sort of comraderie that is inspired by baseball fans. At least at this stadium.

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I am not going to write. I am exhausted and achy and I've had a rotten day. And some days, even when you commit to writing every day...you won't be able to write.

My car is having troubles. They started on Sunday while we were in the middle of weekly grocery shopping. Groceries, dying in the insane heat, our ground chicken was completely ruined. Anyway, we got a jump start and the car ran okay for the rest of the day. Next morning? Dead again. We were heading out of town, but that was cancelled. Luckily, we weren't stopped at a rest area in the middle of nowhere.

Another kind person jumps us off and we head to the garage because the battery is well within warranty. I see a new battery in my future and I'm only slightly upset that the one we have has died.

Only trouble is, the garage claims that the battery is fine. Mechanic says we must have a short. "Did we leave the lights on?" No, they are automatic. "Did we leave a door open?" Uh! NO! "Well, it's not the battery and we can't find a problem." We drive off with a car that is pretending to have no issues and starts perfectly.

The problem with trusting this miracle cure was that we were scheduled to take MIL to the hospital at 5:30 am this morning. So, we decide to rent a car to be on the safe side. Only, after consulting with mechanically inclined nephew, we think we have solved the battery problem by removing a crucial fuse that could be causing the short. We are happy, but SO still takes the rental to deliver and pick up his mom. Good thing as it turns out. I take the family car to run a few errands. Mindful of the issues, I decide to stick close to home for my first few errands. I come out of the first place I visited and...the car won't start. Again. Another kind stranger. Another jump start.

So unable to park or stop, I take it in for a full diagnostic with the nearest (next town over) electrical specialist. He says there is no short. The battery is dead. Yes, that's right! Back to the garage where we bought the battery. By now, I'm exhausted. I am not supposed to drive this much with the fibro. And then there is the stress as SO is busy with is mother. He does manage to pick me up from the garage. Where they say...sorry...the battery is NOT dead and they can't replace it.

About this time, I got a little firm with them. LOL

And the upshot is they called the company that makes the batteries and we have a new one. But...we still don't know which mechanic is telling us the truth. If we have a short then the new battery won't last. I could be stranded in a place without any public transport and no cell phone service. Only time will tell at this point. I think I need to break down and buy some excellent roadside assistance coverage.

hot, tired, achy and worried about my car


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May 2017

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